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Weather Is Not The Referee’s Field Of Expertise

, , , , , | Learning | April 4, 2020

I’m playing in my kids’ league soccer game in Omaha. Omaha is in tornado alley, and during the game, we can see the skies starting to change. My father, who has noticed and is listening to the radio, comes out during a break in the game to talk to the referee.

Father: “There’s been a tornado warning issued. Perhaps we should stop the game.”

Referee: “Nah. The weather is still good. We’ll keep playing.”

We continue playing, and a bit later, my father comes out again.

Father: “It’s been upgraded to a tornado watch.”

Referee: “Is it for this area?”

Father: “No, but it is nearby.”

Referee: “Then we’re going to keep playing.”

And we continue to play. Finally, my father comes out for a third time.

Father: “They say it’s coming this way.”

FINALLY, they stopped the game.

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For The Love Of All That Is Hole-y

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2019

(My boyfriend and I are customers at a convenience store. The cashier, who is a family friend of my boyfriend’s and is on friendly terms with us, has just finished ringing us up when she gets a phone call.)

Cashier: “Thank you for calling [Store]!”

(She listens for a moment and, as she does so, her face becomes increasingly more confused.)

Cashier: “Your… donuts had no holes in them?”

(She listens for another moment, a skeptical look on her face, before hanging up.)

Cashier: “I hope I don’t get in trouble for hanging up on them! It was a prank call. They said their donuts’ holes weren’t big enough!”

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Discount? Discount. Discount!

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(Our store is having a sale where if you buy one item, you get 20% off that item. If you buy two items, you get 25% off both items. If you buy three items, you get 30% off all three items. There are certain exclusions, items on which there is no discount because they are clearance.)

Customer: “Can you tell me if I can get any kind of discount on this item?”

Me: *scans item* “This is clearance; it does not qualify for a discount, but it does qualify as an item that will give you a discount on those items.” *pointing to the other items she is holding*

Customer: “So, I’ll get a discount on all of these?” *referring to the first clearance item, as well*

Me: “No, the discount only applies to regular-price and sale-price items, but all items qualify to give you a larger percent off items that are regular or sale-priced.”

Customer: “So, I get a discount on all of these things?”

Me: “No, only on this and this—” *indicating the regular-priced items* “The rest of these give you enough items to qualify for the discount on the full-priced items.”

Customer: “So, all of this will be discounted?”

Me: “…”

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Should Nut Have Said It That Way

, , , , , , , | Working | October 23, 2019

(I work in the kitchen of a high-end hotel. We give out “welcome packages” to VIPs, usually consisting of a small plate of food of some kind. Today, we had two people from a large company receiving welcome packages, each including a package of mixed nuts. One of the packages of mixed nuts was a bit larger than the other.)

Me: “Who gets which package, since they’re a little different in size?”

Manager: “I’m not sure! Let me call someone and find out who has seniority!” *on phone* “Hi. I was wondering who has bigger nuts in [Company]?”

Me: *stifles laughter*

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Acting Like A Toddler Who Didn’t Get His Hot Milk

, , , , | Right | July 14, 2019

(I am stocking items in the infant section of the store when a teenage boy comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but could you point me in the direction of your pedialyte drinks for toddlers?”

Me: “Sure, just turn around and look down.”

(The customer turns around and still looks confused.)

Customer: “Where is it?”

Me: “Okay, now look down, on the bottom shelf.”

Customer: “Well, you could have just told me where it was!”

(The customer storms off with the product in his hands.)

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