Putting The Tuna Into Unfortunate

, , , , , , | Right | July 11, 2018

(For a brief span of time my cafe served a full menu of food items for breakfast and lunch. Since then we have discontinued the menu, but during the time we had it, every so often a person would come in and be very interested in the ingredients of our very simple fare. All ingredients are listed in three different places in plain sight, on boards and on physical handheld menus. A woman walks in and looks over the menu with her friend close behind her. She reads over the ingredients of a tuna melt sandwich and chats with her friend about meat. Apparently, she is vegan and is unsure what she wants to order. After about three minutes, I ask her if she knows what she would like to get.)

Customer: “I am thinking of ordering the tuna melt; is it vegan? Because I absolutely cannot have cheese as a vegan.”

Me: “I am sorry; are you asking me if the sandwich has meat in it? Because it certainly has fish in it.”

Customer: “No, I just want to know about the cheese. I am a very strict vegan, and need to know exactly what is in this sandwich.”

Me: *not sure how to respond* “Yes, it has cheese in it, but it also has fish.”

Customer: “BUT THE CHEESE! Just for love of God, does it have cheese? Don’t you know what a vegan is? I cannot have cheese at all!”

Me: “Yes, it has cheese in it, but it also has fish. It is marked as not vegan, or even potentially vegetarian on the menu. Perhaps you would be interested in one of the other items that boast no animal products of any type.”

Customer: *starts to get angry* “Are you even listening to me? I said I am V-E-G-A-N. Cheese is the issue.”

Me: “Yes, it has cheese on it. However, we cannot serve you vegan tuna, as it does not exist in the way you might think it does. But you are more than welcome to order it sans cheese.”

Customer: “This is so insulting! I will never come here again!”

(Her friend chimes in:)

Customer’s Friend: “How dare you question her vegan lifestyle? I was told this place accommodates vegan options!”

Me: “Look, lady, fish isn’t vegan, and neither is cheese. I really don’t want you to get sick over ordering food that you have said you absolutely can’t have, but I can’t make something that is meat not meat. Fish is not vegan.”

Customer: “This is an awful place; I should be able to get vegan food!”

(She stormed out. My tone of voice up until the end was very confused, trying to figure out if I was hearing her correctly. She legitimately wanted a vegan tuna sandwich.)

Unfiltered Story #110651

, , | Unfiltered | May 9, 2018

I have just finished playing CD audio tracks for a 2 hour show of the Nutcracker.

Audience member leaving points at my sound board and says “Nice job with the lights! I really enjoyed it!”

Unfiltered Story #109369

, , , | Unfiltered | April 26, 2018

(A rather big guy calls me over:)

Me: “How can I be of assistance, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was checking out and this item rang up at $12.99, even though the tag says it’s $11.99. What’s up with that?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Let me check for you.”

(Upon scanning the item and looking at the tag I realize that the tag is for a nearly identical item.)

Me: “Sir, it seems that someone forgot to replace the tags on the peg with the correct ones. The price for these is $12.99. However, the difference between the $12.99 and $11.99 variants is purely cosmetic, so you could just get these instead.”

Customer: “No! I WILL be getting THESE [$12.99 items] for $11.99. The tag says so!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but because it’s a mislabel we won’t drop the price.”

Customer: “You people always f****** do this to me! This is outrageous! It says $11.99 so I want it for $11.99!”

Me: *completely shocked at his outburst* “Okay, sir. I could mark them down for you just this once, but—”

Customer: “NO! I don’t need your f****** charity. Just give me those.”

(The customer grabs a handful of the $12.99 item and storms off, but not before telling me to fix the mis-labeled tags.)

Passer-by: “Well, that guy was rude.”

Me: “You can say that again.”

Perhaps The Dogs Knew What They Were Doing

, , , , | Right | January 9, 2018

(A woman comes up to the register and complains about how her dogs’ food isn’t where it should be.)

Me: *trying to sympathize* “Well, we are doing a big reset on our dog food section, and it takes a couple days to take everything down and put it back in its new place. I’m sorry that you had a hard time finding it; next time you come in, it should be where it’s going to stay!”

Customer: “It’s always something here! I’m so tired of the drama in this store!”

Me: “I’m sorry if there was any difficulty with the food.”

Customer: “It’s not just the food! It’s the employees, the other customers, everything! Every time I come here, there’s drama. So, you know what? I’m not coming here anymore!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Customer: *grabs items* “I’m never setting foot in this store again!”

(The customer leaves, but a minute later returns.)

Customer: “My dogs locked my keys in my car! I need someone out here to help me, now!

(The customer goes back outside. [Customer #2] is being rung up.)

Customer #2: “And she says the store has drama?!”

Make Love, Not Warcraft, Fifth Expansion

, , , , , , , | Romantic | October 5, 2017

I am 18, and have a boyfriend who is addicted to World of Warcraft. Sometimes his addiction gets the better of him.

We are standing in the kitchen talking about something, and in the middle of my sentence, he leaves the kitchen and walks into our bedroom, where the computer is, where he proceeds to sit for about ten minutes.

He then comes out, and asks if I had been saying something before he left the kitchen.

It turns out he had gotten an idea about WoW, and had to go play it right that second. He hadn’t even heard a word I said.