Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “So, like, I poured coffee on my keyboard, then put it on my radiator to dry it out, then ran it through the dishwasher, then through the dryer, but now when I type it does funny things. Do you think the coffee could have ruined it?”

(I have to place the customer on mute to laugh for a moment while he elaborates on his story.)

Me: “Yes, sir, it does sound like your keyboard has physical damage and will need to be replaced.”

Customer: “I’d like a 16-ounce blended iced latte with caramel.”

Me: “Okay!”

Customer: “And could you add this to it?” *hands me a plastic baggie of white powder*

(I overhear a conversation between a mother and her five-year-old daughter. She piles over $100 in merchandise on the counter and keeps going back for more.)

Mother: “Sweetie, what do we do when daddy makes mommy angry?”

Daughter: “Run his bank book dry!”

(I am a customer shopping through DVD sales on Black Friday. A young boy runs up to look as well.)

Boy: “Look, Dad! Star Wars!”

(The boy picks up the movie and looks closer. It is Episode 2, with Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman on the cover.)

Boy: “Wait. This isn’t the real Star Wars. What is this? Hey, Dad, why are they pretending to be Star Wars?”

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(Oklahoma has been getting a few earthquakes lately and apparently not everyone is used to them yet.)

Me: “911, where is your emergency?”

Caller: “Yeah, um, I’d like to report that my house just shook.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that was an earthquake. Is anyone injured?”

Caller: “Oh! Is THAT what that was? Nevermind!”