(I’m getting ready for my first high school prom. I am therefore very excited when I go to get my eyebrows waxed. Note: I have red hair and VERY fair skin, so my brown eyebrows look darker and longer than they are by comparison.)

Me: “Hello! I have an appointment to get my eyebrows done.”

Stylist: “Oh, lord! ”

(I assume she’s talking about my skin, so I just smile, a bit confused.)

Stylist: “Well, come on! I have to make you look pretty!”

(She proceeds to be very rough with me, groaning the whole time. She then gets distracted talking to a coworker and spills a fair amount of hot wax on me.)

Me: “Ow! That really hurt!”

Stylist: “Well, that’s not my fault!”

Me: “You spilled wax on me! How is it not your fault?”

Stylist: “I was distracted by your giant unibrow!”

(My dad and I are at an electronics store asking an employee for a USB DVD drive.)

Employee: “So, what do you need this for anyway?”

Me: “Just to to have one that works to read things.”

Employee: “Well, instead of using your CDs, you can just download stuff. It’s not illegal. Just pirate it; I do it all the time!”

(I am moving out of a one-bedroom apartment, but I haven’t had a lot of time to get my things packed up. As a result, a lot of my stuff isn’t quite ready for the movers. As they move my things, they grumble a bit in Spanish about how disorganized I am, but since it’s true, I don’t mind. Then, however…)

Worker #1: *in Spanish* “Check out those shorts, man.”

Worker #2: *in Spanish* “Yeah, if they were any shorter we could probably see her a**!”

Me: *in English* “Oh, you like these? My friend helped me cut them off from a pair of jeans. They’re super comfortable, especially since it’s so hot outside!”

Customer #1: “I need a receipt for pump five.”

My Coworker: “Sure, here you go, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, you need to keep your pumps full of paper! The whole reason I use my credit card is so I don’t have to walk inside for a receipt!”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir. I’ll get another roll of paper out there as soon as I can.”

Customer #1: “Well, you need to just make sure the roll doesn’t run out!”

(Suddenly, another customer speaks up.)

Customer #2: “Yeah, I bet he intentionally let that pump run out of paper just to ruin your day. That’s what I’d do if I had to put up with idiots all day.”

(Customer #1 grabs his receipt and leaves angrily. A cop who has also been waiting in line also chimes in.)

Cop: “Man, I wish the worst thing I had to worry about was a gas pump running out of receipt paper…”

(My husband and I have driven to a gas station to buy some batteries.)

Employee #1: “Are you two married?”

Me: *nods affirmatively*

Employee #1: “How long have y’all been married?”

Me: *smiling* “Almost a year!”

Employee #1: “Aww! Are y’all from here?”

Husband: “No.”

Employee #1: “How long have you guys lived here?”

Me: “Since last June.”

Employee #1: “Where are you originally from?”

Husband: “Florida.”

Employee #1: “Really? Where in Florida?”

Employee #2: “He’s really nosy, sorry!”

Me: “Near Tampa.”

Employee #1: “Why the h*** did you come all the way out here?!”

Husband: “We’re stationed here with the Air Force.”

Employee #1: “Oh, I gotcha. Do you guys have any kids?”

Husband: “No way!”

Me: “Not yet.”

Employee #1: “Do you want any?”

Me: “Eventually, yes.”

Employee #2: *motions to Employee #1* “He really wants kids!”

Employee #1: “Well, if you ever have an ‘oops’ baby, you could always give it to me!”

(At this point, Employee #2 finally finishes our transaction.)

Me: “Yeah… if we ever need to get rid of a baby, we’ll know to give it to the guy at the gas station on Highway 81.”

(We ran out after that.)