Empowering Itself

, , , , | Working | June 18, 2018

(I have worked for nearly ten years at a convenience store, and am known across all three shifts as the “Tech/Maintenance Person.” If something breaks down, they usually come and get me first. One of the registers has just died and the manager — who is an idiot — tries to replace it. However, they can’t get it to power on, and the backup battery is making the WORST alarm noise.)

Manager: “Sorry, guys. It’s not working. I called tech, and they said they’ll be here Monday.”

Me: “Yeah, if the store is still standing. That noise is horrible, and I work over there tomorrow; I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle it.”

Manager: “You can handle two days.”

(He leaves, and they try to power through it for the first hour before the supervisor has had enough. She came to the side of the store I am working on and begs me to come take a look. I go over with a flashlight and begin taking things apart to try and see what’s wrong.)

Me: “Maybe it’s something with the power cord? If we can get these things swapped out, I may be able to get the new register up and… No.” *I have found the problem* “Oh, no. No, no, no, God no.”

Supervisor: “[My Name]? What’s wrong?!”

Me: “He’s not this stupid. Please, tell me this isn’t what I think it is. Tell me that [Manager] isn’t this much of a dumba**.”

Supervisor: “What happened?”

Me: “He plugged the power cord into… itself.”

(The power supply to the register had a power cord and an outlet on it. It was the same thing as plugging a power bar into one of its own outlets and expecting it to work. Once I plugged it in to an actual power supply, the warning noise stopped and the register came online. I set it up to work and let them get back to business, though the cashier came up officially about $2000 over in her total that night because of losing her records on the original register that had shorted out. They had to do some official audit as a result –- I don’t know why and never found out the “official” reason, but during the investigation, they found unrelated discrepancies in our cash totals, and about three months later discovered the manager had been stealing from the company since they hired him.)

Not Even Effing Phonetic

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2018

(I am answering the phone at the front desk of the hotel where I work.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I need to make a reservation.”

Me: “Great, I can definitely help you with that! What day will you be arriving?”

Caller: *scoffs* “Oookaay; guess I am a f****** idiot, then!

Me: *quite taken aback* “I am sorry, sir?”

Caller: “I said, ‘I guess I am a f****** idiot!’”

Me: *confused and not really sure how to respond* “Um… Sir, I’m sorry, but why do you think that?”

Caller: “You just called me a f****** idiot!”

Me: *shocked* “No, sir! I can assure you I said nothing remotely close to that statement!”

Caller: *sounding genuinely surprised* “Oh, you didn’t?”

Me: “No, sir, I did not! I just asked when you would be arriving! I apologize if that sounded like I said something else, but I can promise you I would never speak to a guest like that!”

Caller: *completely nonplussed and cheerful as if nothing happened* “Okay, then, I need a room with a king-sized bed for the 12th.”

(The rest of the phone call was normal, but I still have no idea why this guy thought would just nonchalantly insult customers!)

Jail For Life

, , , | | Legal | June 15, 2018

(Years ago, a young friend gets her first moving violation. She is nervous so I agree to go with her for moral support. It is my first time live court-watching in years, so I look forward to it. Most of the cases that day are all young drivers. One case is a young guy, maybe 18. He is dressed casually, but clearly isn’t poor. His answers to the judge seem like he is avoiding answering and is trying to go off-topic. I think to myself, “This young man is an idiot.” No sooner do those words go through my head than I hear the judge say, “Young man, you are an idiot!” Go, Judge! He throws the book at the idiot. My friend, also roughly the same age, is a good kid, behaves properly with the judge, and leaves the court with just a fine. After the cases are cleared, I am still there. I go up to the bench.)

Me: “Judge, I have to say that I’ve done some court watching over the years; some are good, some are bad, but I must say you did a good job handling those kids today.”

Judge: “Thank you very much.”

(We talk for a little while about this and past cases.)

Me: “Is there ever anything you regret dealing with here?”

(The judge looks at me for a moment, but it isn’t to collect his thoughts. He actually has an answer ready for me.)

Judge: “Yes. There was one girl, just 16. She had already been my courtroom several times for speeding, reckless driving, and so on. Each time she said she had learned her lesson, but I had to escalate fines and give her community service, and I finally had to threaten her with jail time. When she did it again I was ready to put her in jail. She pleaded with me not to and since there had been no injury, I gave in. I gave her another fine and community service. She thanked me, and then left, and on her way home decided it was a good idea to race a train to the crossing. If I had given her the jail time, she’d be alive today.”

(Heartbreaking. And this is just one reason I didn’t want to pursue a career in law.)

They’re Still Looking For A Cure

, , , , , , | Working | June 11, 2018

(A coworker comes in late because he had to take his wife to the doctor.)

Me: “Hey! How’s your wife?”

Coworker: “She’s fine. She was showing some symptoms of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. The thing you can get from ticks?”

Me: “Isn’t that more an out-east thing?”

Coworker: “You’re thinking Lyme Disease. This area gets Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.”

Me: “Okay. I once had symptoms of Rocky Horror Picture Show Fever.”

Coworker: “Yeah, I heard that was common back in the early 80s.”

(I laughed. At least he had the timeline right.)

Unfiltered Story #113870

, | | Unfiltered | June 11, 2018

I’m working at a well known home improvement store this day. I’m working the customer service desk when this call comes in.

Me: Thank you for calling [Company name] how may I direct your call?

Caller: Got any jelly beans?

Me: No, we don’t sell any jelly beans. May I direct your call somewhere else?

Caller: Moova Doova

Me: Huh? Who is this?

(At this point I’m thinking it is one of my coworkers at the store or someone who knows me)

Caller: Moova Doova. You have my jelly beans.

After a brief pause they hung up.

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