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Acting Rashly Can Leave You Pooped

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2010

(I’m working as a technical support agent for a satellite TV company. I get a call where I hear a baby screaming in the background.)

Me: “Thank you for calling Technical Support. How are you doing this evening?”

Customer: “Hello? Yes? I need to speak to someone in the technical department.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is the technical department. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m babysitting for a woman, and she has a one-year-old. I’ve never actually babysat a baby before, and I can’t figure out how to get the diaper off so I can change him! These things have some sort of electronic lock or something on the right so the baby can’t take them off?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is customer support for satellite television, not a child care line.”

Customer: “But you are a technical guy, right?! You should be able to help me out! Is there somewhere I can put a code in or something? Come on!”

Me: “Ma’am, again, I apologize, but this is a technical support line for satellite television. I really can’t help you.”

Customer: “Please, I’m begging you! I want to get paid for this job! If I don’t change his diaper and he gets a rash or something, I’m going to be in big trouble!”

Me: “Have you tried peeling back the two little tapes on the front of the diaper?”

(I hear the customer pause for a second, and then I hear the telltale ripping noise of the diaper tapes being peeled away.)

Customer: “Wow! You’re a genius! It came right off! Did you press a little button or something on your end?”


This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup!

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Age Is Only A Social Security Number

, , , , | Right | August 12, 2010

(I am ringing up a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “You go to school, son?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I’m a college student.”

Customer: “Good, good. Be sure to start paying into Social Security. I’m going to need it soon.”

Being The President Sucks

, , , , , , | Right | June 13, 2010

Customer: “Do you have a copy of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Me: “I’m not sure, let me check.” *I check our bestsellers section* “No, sir, not at this time.”

Customer: “But did you look back in the history section?”

Me: “For Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “No, I did not.”


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Not Quite Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

, , , , | Right | May 11, 2010

(A customer and her young son approach me.)

Customer: “My son peed on one of your aisles.”

Customer’s Son: *shouting* “I peed myself!”

Customer: “Stop yelling!”

Customer’s Son: “I peed myself! I peed myself! I peed myself!”

Me: “Why did you pee yourself?”

Customer’s Son: “My mom was taking too long and I told her I had to pee and she said okay so I peed myself. Am I in trouble?”

Me: “No. We will just get this cleaned up. Just make sure next time you find the bathroom, okay?”

Customer’s Son: “Okay. Where’s the bathroom? I gotta poop, too.”


This story is part of our Terrible Parents roundup!

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Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”


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