Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Much A-Gluten About Nothing, Part 2

, , , | Working | October 8, 2016

(I do all of my shopping at this store. While I’ve never worked here or even at a grocery in general, I know pretty much where everything is. Tonight, I’m in the Asian food section, with a worker next to me looking bewildered at a packet of instant rice noodles.)

Me: “Having trouble?”

Worker #1: “Oh! Eh, heh… yeah. I’m stocking, but I don’t know where this goes…”

(To be fair, the brand has most of its items in this aisle.)

Me: “Oh, well, I’m pretty sure those are actually in the gluten-free section, near the bread. It’s a little weird since they’re an Asian food, but they are gluten-free, too.”

Worker #1: “Really? You think?”

(Another worker walks by.)

Worker #1: “Hey, [Worker #2]! Where does this go?”

Worker #2: “It should go right there!”

(She comes over to look and is immediately confused by the absence of this product in this aisle.)

Worker #2: “Huh… but there’s a ton of stuff from this brand here.”

Me: “As I said, I’m pretty sure it’s in with the gluten-free stuff. But good luck!”

(I move on in my shopping, but on my way out of the store, [Worker] #1 spots me again.)

Worker #1: “Hey! It was in the gluten-free stuff! You were RIGHT!”


This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

Read the next Celiac Awareness Day roundup story!

Read the Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

New Year, New Mom

, , , , | Related | December 26, 2013

(It’s just after midnight on New Year’s Day. I am trying to call my mom, who is at a work party.)

Mom: “Hello?”

Me: “Happy New Year, mom!”

Mom: “Happy New Year, sweetie!”

Me: “You having fun?”

Mom: “Yeah. It’s nice.”

Me: “I’m just hanging out. Watched the New York City ball drop.”

Mom: “Haha.”

Me: “Yeah. [Sister] went to bed hours ago. No fun there.”

Mom: “Huh? Wha…”

Me: “[Sister] went to bed… [Mom’s First Name]?”

Mom: “No! Who is this?”

Me: “My name is [My Name]. Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. I must have called the wrong number!”

Mom: “Hahaha! I thought you were my daughter calling home from college!”

Me: “Oh, my God! I thought your voice sounded off, but figured—”

Mom: “—it was just the phone line. Yeah!”

Me: “Well, Happy New Year, anyway! Nice meeting you!”

Mom: “Hahaha! Happy New Year to you!”

She Looked So Cute In Her Motherboard & Castle

, , , , | Working | June 15, 2012

(I’m making small talk with the hygienist before he starts cleaning my teeth.)

Me: “So, what did you do for Memorial Day?”

Hygienist: “Oh, my daughter graduated preschool posthumously. It was really fun.”

Me: *horrified* “What?! I think you mean a different word. ‘Posthumously’ means ‘after death’.”

Hygienist: “Oh! Yeah, nobody died.”

Me: “Thank God! I was about to start consoling you!”


Did you find this story using our Memorial Day roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2011

Me: “Hello. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’m alive.”

Me: “That’s good. Find everything okay today?”

Customer: “Yeah. Because if I wasn’t alive, I’d be dead. Or a zombie.”

Me: “I guess you would.”

Customer: “Do you like zombies?”

Pressing All The Wrong Buttons, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | May 21, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank] credit card services. Can I have your name, please?”

Caller: “You need to turn my d*** speakerphone on before I can talk, so I can hear you across the room!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t turn your speakerphone on for you. You have to do that yourself.”

Caller: “All the other f****** banks can turn it on for me! What do you mean you can’t?!”

Me: “Sir, nobody has the ability to turn on your speakerphone for you, except for you.”

Caller: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t reach through the phone and push the speakerphone button for you. It’s physically impossible. You have to do it yourself.”

Caller: “What the h*** do you mean you won’t push the button for me?! Are you saying you’re not going to come push my buttons?! Where the h*** are you located?!

Me: “Central Oklahoma, sir. You have to push your own buttons.”

*long silence*

Me: “Anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Caller: “You’re too far to push my buttons anyways.” *hangs up*


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

Read the next Lazy Customers roundup story!

Read the Lazy Customers roundup!