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How Do I Say This Without Sounding Like An A**-Hole?

, , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I am working at [Retailer] as an overnight stocker when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Can you tell me where to find mustard?”

Me: “It would be my pleasure. It’s on aisle two.”

Customer: “Which aisle is that?”

Me: “…the aisle with the big two over it.”

Preventing Fraud, One Dollar At A Time

, , , , , | Right | September 14, 2017

(I am working a graveyard shift in the store and am currently alone. As a policy, we are to check IDs for all form of cards: credit, debit, player club cards, etc. I’ve had customers thank me for checking their IDs, and even very few get disgruntled because they had to pull their ID out, but nothing quite beats this transaction. A woman walks in, immediately goes to the food side and picks up a candy bar, then proceeds to give me her card.)

Me: “Can I see your ID please?”

Customer: *she gives me this blank look* “Why?”

Me: *pauses* “To… check your identity, ma’am.”

Customer: “But I wrote my name on the back of the card.”

Me: “Yes… I see, but I have to check a government issued ID to make sure the names match.”

Customer: “But can’t you just look and see my name on the card?”

Me: “Yes, I can, but that doesn’t verify that you’re you.” *She looks at me, still confused.* “Look at it this way: if I don’t see if you’re you, anyone can take your card and spend whatever they want.”

Customer: “But it’s just a dollar!”

Me: “Just a dollar HERE. If someone else did have your card, what’s to stop them from spending $50, $200, or more elsewhere if I didn’t verify identity?”

Customer: “I still don’t understand; it’s just a dollar!”

(She signed her slip and left, and I actually slid into the floor on my knees and popped my forehead against the counter in disbelief.)

You’re Not Declining This Awesome

, , , , , , | Working | August 25, 2017

(I work in the school district. As such, I get shunted around a lot. While getting lunch on the first day back, I decided to stop by a fast food place for lunch. I order my food, swipe my card, and it’s declined. I try again, declined. As I walk away, this happens:)

Cashier: “Sir, don’t you want your food? It was accepted.”

Me: “It was?”

Cashier: “Yes, sir. Here’s your drink, your food will be out momentarily.”

(As I fill up my drink, I see the manager tapping on the screen, and I see he smiles at me as he hands me my food, realization dawning on me.)

Manager: “Here’s your food, sir. Have a good lunch!”

(I think I said “Thank you” no less than five times. Cashier, Manager, you two gave me the strength to get through a tough day! Thank you so very much!)

Their Honesty Is Out Of Alignment

, , , , , | Working | August 24, 2017

(After work one day I notice I have a flat. I can’t find any objects in it so I decide to take it to an auto shop to have them check it out as well as get a new tire.)

Tech: *after glancing at the flat* “Okay, so one new tire…” *goes around and quickly glances at my other tires* Yeah. Your alignment is off. We can’t fix that here, but that’s what killed your tire. And you’re about to lose your other tire, too. See?” *points to where the rubber meets the concrete* “So we’ll go again and replace that today, too.”

Me: “Wait, what? Why would I replace that tire? The pressure in it is fine; I checked them all once I noticed the other was flat. And the tread is practically new. If it really is the alignment, won’t that just tear the new one up, too?”

Tech: *suddenly looks like someone literally stuck their foot in this mouth* “Um… so… just the one?”

Me: “Yeah. Just the one.”

(I took my car to another store and they said the alignment was fine. Still have no idea what popped that tire.)

Has You Under Surveillance

, , , | Working | August 13, 2017

(Someone knocks on my door.)

Person #1: “Hello, we are here to complete the survey as explained in the letter.”

Me: “What letter? What are you talking about?”

Person #1: “We sent a letter explaining that we would be around to ask you questions about your household.”

Me: “I received no such letter and I’m not interested.”

Person #1: “We sent the letter. We need to ask you these questions.”

Me: “Who are you?”

Person #1: “We are with [Government Agency that is NOT the census].”

Me: “Interesting. No.”

(I close the door. The person rings the doorbell several times but I go back to watching Judge Judy or whatever. The next day I do, in fact, find the letter. It is from this government agency and it explains they are collecting information on demographics in my area. It also says quite plainly that my participation is optional. The next week, I get a knock on the door.)

Person #2: “Hello, we are here to complete the survey as explained in the letter.”

Me: “No.”

Person #2: “It is very important that we collect this information.”

Me: “No.”

Person #2: “We sent a letter explaining why we need this information.”

Me: “Yes, I found the letter. It said my participation is optional. I opt not to assist you.”

Person #2: “But we really—”

(Door closed. A few days later I get a letter, registered mail, explaining the need for me to participate in this survey. However, the last paragraph again says it is optional. Even if it wasn’t, I will NOT cooperate. The next week the doorbell rings.)

Person #3: “Hello, we are here to—”

Me: “Stop. I have explained twice before that I have no interest in participating. The letter clearly stated this is optional. Do you understand the definition of optional? Get off my porch.”

Person #3: “We just need to know how many kids live in the household.”

Me: “You are absolutely out of your mind if you think THAT is the one question I would answer. Do not return. Do not send someone else. Do not waste government money on registered mail. The answer is no. No. No. N. O.”

(Tax dollars at work.)