Like A Magnet For Idiots

, , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(I work in a hotel. A guest walks up to the front desk, complaining that his parking garage key isn’t working.)

Me: “I’m sorry your key has stopped working. Can I have your room number?”

(The guest gives me his information and waits for me to make a new key.)

Me: “Here you go, and just to be sure please swipe it like this—” *gestures how the machine is set up* “—and try to keep it away from your cell phone.”

(The guest has a large cell phone in his hand, which makes me think it got demagnetized.)

Guest: “Well, that is completely unreasonable!” *storms off*

Me: *thinking to myself* “Okay, but having to return again is not inconvenient for me, but only you.”

Baptism Of Fire

, , , , | Related | November 2, 2018

My husband and I are getting ourselves and our son ready to go to our nephew’s baptism. We tell our three-year-old, who has a language and social delay, that we are going to a place where we need to be quiet and use a calm voice while there. Our son looks at us and smiles, before screaming at the top of his lungs for four minutes.

While in the car, we reiterate the quiet and calm voice thing a few times, with somewhat better results. When we get to the church, our son is the first kid inside. The priest looks at him and tells him, “We walk in church.” Our son looks at him and bolts down the aisle, screaming happily.

As the nephew being baptised is on my husband’s side of the family, I quickly exit the church with my apparent demon-spawn in tow, and we spend the entire baptism playing on the playground nearby.

He’ll Have A Pie In The Sky

, , , , , | Right | October 1, 2018

(I work at my mother’s cafe in an airport, where we make all of our food fresh. To give an example of this situation that happens at least once a day, I will use the customer that just came to our counter. He is booked for the 2:00 flight, which usually opens the security checkpoint at 1:15. He has stepped into the cafe at 12:15. He grabs a juice out of the cooler and comes up to the counter with it.)

Me: “Hello. Will that be all, sir?”

Customer: “Ah, yeah. I’ve got two hours before my flight, so I might get something to eat later.”

Me: *knows where this is going* “All right, that’ll be [price].”

(The customer pays and takes a seat at one of our tables. An hour passes until the airport speaker comes on.)

Speaker: “For those passengers who have checked in and received a boarding pass for [flight], the security checkpoint is now open, and we ask that you please process through security in preparation for boarding.”

Customer: *comes up to the counter* “I’ll have a bacon double cheeseburger, with onion rings and a large [soda], and please make it quick because we’re about to board.”

Unfiltered Story #122203

, , | Unfiltered | September 29, 2018

(I worked at an ice-cream stand at the mall. Out of all the crazy things that happened during that job, my co-workers were the real nutjobs. I was working a shift with the boss’s ex-wife. We had just served a customer together.)

Coworker: *with obvious disgust on her face* Did you see that?

Me: See what?

Coworker: That customer was just chewing away at those [popular midly smelly snack food]. I could smell them from here! People are so f****** rude!

(This was my first odd encounter with my co-workers, so I was confused and laughed it off. That job ended when my other coworker, the boss’s daughter, tried to frame me for stealing money. Needless to say I do not miss that job.)

Unfiltered Story #122044

, , , | Unfiltered | September 22, 2018

I work at a popular ice-cream store, and am currently taking a woman’s order at the drive through.

Me: “Welcome to [Ice-cream store], how may I help you?”

Woman: “I’d like a medium brownie shake.”

Our store doesn’t carry any ice-cream flavors with brownie in it. I inform her of this.

Woman: “No, I want a brownie shake.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t have any flavors with brownies in them. Could I get you a different flavor instead, like [flavor]?”

Woman: “I said I wanted a brownie shake, how hard is that to understand?”

Me: “I… I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t have any flavors with brownies in them…”

Woman: “Can’t you just add brownies to the shake?”

Our manager made it clear to us a while ago that we weren’t allowed to add anything to shakes that wasn’t already on the list of pre-approved items. Brownies are not on that list. Again, I inform her that I’m unable to do what she wants.

Woman: “Are you ******* kidding me? I’m a customer! Can’t you find some way to just add it for me!?”

My manager, who had been listening in, overrides me and speaks to the customer. We’ve already had several troublesome customers, and the manager is fed up at this point.

Manager: “We can’t do what you’re asking because we have no way of ringing in the price of the brownies. Please order from one of the flavors we do have.”

Woman: “But I’m a customer, you have to find a way to serve me!”

Manager: “What you’re asking is impossible, we can’t do that. Like I said, we have no way of ringing the extra price of the brownies in.”

Woman: “But I want a brownie shake!”

The manager tells me to offer the woman [flavor] or [flavor], which are similar to what the customer wants, and washes his hands of the situation before he losses his temper.

Me: “Because we can’t make the shake you wanted, would you like to switch your order to [flavor] or [flavor] instead?”

Woman: “No! If I wanted [flavor] or [flavor], I would have asked for it!”

I’m completely unsure of what to do- I’ve never had a customer so set on one impossible to make shake with such determination before. Not wishing to anger her even more, I decide to play it safe by simply staying silent. After a couple minutes of incoherent muttering, the woman finally speaks.

Woman: “…I’ll take [flavor].”

I ring her order up and greet her at the window, accepting her money and giving her her recipt. She doesn’t pull ahead, instead leaning towards me.

Woman: “Why the **** doesn’t your store carry anything with brownies in it!? If customers want brownies, you should ******* have to add a flavor with brownies to your menu! I’m a customer, you should ******* have what I ******* want!”

Me: “I don’t have any say in what flavors we have, ma’am- I just work the drive through.”

The woman huffs and drives ahead to get her shake. After she leaves, my fellow employees, who have heard everything, jokingly insist that I add brownies to every order with shakes in it that I take afterwards.

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