Numbers Are Hard, But Not This Hard

, , , , , | Working | January 13, 2021

It’s the holidays, and I’ve boxed up some items to send to friends. I’m already regretting not just having them sent straight from the vendors but I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

I drop off some packages at the local [Package Service] store and get the boxes shipped out. One makes it to its destination fine, but the other says it was delivered even though my friend did not actually receive it. After checking with her neighbors and confirming the package is not there, I attempt to figure out the issue.

I’m thwarted at every turn by their online claims process. First, I have to log in, then I have to add a payment method even though I’m not paying for anything, and then I am told that the package has to be associated with my account without actually giving any hint on how to do so.

I give in and actually call the customer service line. I’m already annoyed, and having to take an educated guess at the correct route to take through the labyrinth of automated options to get to “Where the f*** is my package?” does not improve my mood at all. By the way, call centers have gotten wise to the “press zero” trick; the robot actually chastises me for trying to get directly to a person rather than choose an option.

Finally, I get to a person, who I address as calmly as possible since I know that this whole rigmarole is in no way her fault.

Rep: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Package Service]. How can I help you?”

Me: “My package is showing as delivered, but the recipient doesn’t have it. Can we find out what happened to it?”

The rep asks for the tracking number and I give it to her.

Rep: “Okay, it looks like that package was delivered to [Correct Street and Town but wildly incorrect house number].”

Me: “Wait. That’s not right. That’s not the right house number at all.”

Rep: “Uh… let me send you over to my supervisor.”

After a short hold:

Supervisor: “Hello! What can I help you with?”

Me: “I’ve determined that my package was delivered to the wrong house number. Can you help me with that at all?”

Supervisor: “Hmm… Well, it looks like you didn’t put a house number on the label, so they just delivered it to a house on that street!”

She says this like it makes perfect sense. Not only am I pretty d***ed sure that I put a house number on there, but I cannot fathom the logic behind just dropping a package at a random house and hoping for the best. Also worth noting is that this is a State Route address, so it’s likely MILES from the correct place.

Me: “I’m fairly sure I put a house number on the label. I double-checked it in the store.”

Supervisor: “Well, would you like us to try to collect the package and send it back to the UPS store it was sent from?”

Me: “Um… No? Not really?”

I admit to losing my cool here a bit, at least in tone.

Supervisor: “Well, I don’t have an option to send it to a new address, since it’s not like we made a mistake!”

Again, there’s stunned silence for a moment on my end. I count essentially throwing a dart on where my package was supposed to go a mistake, but I also left them my phone number when I dropped off the package. They had plenty of ways to rectify this, even assuming it was my mistake, which I’m still not convinced of, and they did not. Also, I’ve worked in customer service. Even when it IS the customer’s fault, you don’t just say that to them!

Me: “Are you serious?”

Supervisor: “Uh… Well… If you want, we can send a notice to the local store and have them try to collect it and then send it to the correct address.”

I’m thinking, “You mean that thing you just said you couldn’t do?”

Me: “Yes. Please. That will be perfect.”

The supervisor takes the correct house number for me.

Supervisor: “Okay, I have that sent off. It should be delivered either Monday or Tuesday. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “No. Thank you.”

Supervisor: “Thank you. Have a good day!”

Robot: “Please stay on the line for our short survey!”

Me: “You really do not want me to do that.”

Here’s hoping that my friend actually gets her package. But I’m going to place my bets on having to reorder it.

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Any Given Sundae, Part 6

, , , , | Right | December 15, 2020

I work at a major regional chain that is a restaurant, ice cream store, and market. I am working the drive-thru.

Customer: “I’d like a sundae!”

Me: “What kind of sundae?”

Customer: “A vanilla sundae!”

Me: “Okay… vanilla. What kind of sundae, though?”

The customer thinks for a moment.

Customer: “Oh… a double!”

I’m gritting my teeth now. They have specified that they want two scoops of vanilla in a dish now… but haven’t told us really anything specific yet.

Me: “Okay, vanilla, double-dip. What kind of sundae?”

Customer: “Oh, no nuts, but with whipped cream!”

Me: “Is that hot fudge, hot caramel, strawberry, marshmallow? What kind of sundae did you want?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Any Given Sundae, Part 5
Any Given Sundae, Part 4
Any Given Sundae, Part 3
Any Given Sundae, Part 2
Any Given Sundae

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And We Love… You To Leave

, , , , , | Right | November 3, 2020

I’m a cashier at a well-known big box store, where we’re not allowed to be confrontational at all. I am ringing up a customer who’s seemed a little odd but basically nice. For context, I’m a bisexual atheist.

Customer: “I just want you to know, sweetie, that Jesus loves you.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

She then reaches across my freaking till and touches my shoulder!

Customer: “I know you get rude customers all the time. And I want to make sure that you know, when you’re getting screamed at or bothered, that Jesus loves you.”

I am completely frozen, not knowing what to say.

Customer: “I’m sure that a godly girl like you already knows that. I’d love to see you at my church someday.”

Me: “Uh… Have a great day, sir.”

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Sale Fail, Part 6

, , , | Right | October 30, 2020

I work for a local auto group that has several stores in our metro area. Each store has its different new vehicles that they sell, but if need be, we can sell a pre-owned vehicle at another store owned by our auto group. Our stores are all several miles apart.

A customer has come in with a one-year-old car that has been damaged in an accident. She is considering trading the car in. We appraise the vehicle in its current condition and will give her a decent amount for the trade, considering the damage and the number of miles she’s racked up.

Me: “Okay, we’ll give you [price] for your car, trading it in on something here. As you can see, even the [corporate] trade-in value for your car, without the damage but due to mileage, is what we’re offering, since you’ve put three years of miles on a car within one year, causing it to depreciate.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I don’t want another of [Our Brand]. I was looking for a [Other Brand] car in a hybrid. One of your people said you could sell me one if I find it.”

Me: “Certainly, if it’s one of our other stores. Have you found one on the Internet at one of those locations?”

Customer: “No, but why can’t you just go over there with me?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know their inventory off the top of my head like I do ours, since we’re all miles apart. I can use our internal vehicle locator to see if we have one, though, since one of our stores is the brand you want.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Okay, so as you can see, there are seven cars in the model you want but only one that’s a hybrid.”

Customer: “Okay, so can we walk out and go look at this one to see if I like it?”

Me: “This is at our [Other Brand] store. It’s about ten miles from here, but I can call them to see if it’s sold and if not, if I can show it to you, and if you want, we can take something over there for you to look at it.”

Customer: “But I also want [Different Model] in a hybrid. Do you have any of those?”

Me: “Let me look. No, the [Other Brand] store of ours has some of those new, but nothing pre-owned.”

Customer: “Oh, look, here’s one.”

She’s been playing on her phone while I’ve been working on the computer.

Customer: “Can you show me this one?”

Me: “Well, that’s not one of our stores.”

Not only is it another brand, but it’s a store owned by another auto group.

Me: “I have no ability to do that.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you a car salesman? I’ve never heard of anything so silly as a salesman not wanting to sell a car.”

Me: “And since I don’t work for [Other Auto Group], how exactly could I do that?”

Sale Fail, Part 5
Sale Fail, Part 4
Sale Fail, Part 3
Sale Fail, Part 2
Sale Fail

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A Piping Hot Cup Of Karma

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 25, 2020

Years ago, my wife and I invited a couple of married friends over for an evening of socializing. My wife was into tea — I’m more a coffee guy— and she served some licorice tea. I’m a great licorice lover. In fact, I’m eating a small piece now, which triggered the memory of this story.

My Wife: “What do you think of the tea?”

Husband Friend: “It’s delicious. I really love it.”

Now, jump forward a year or so. We’re at a restaurant with the same couple and a few other friends. We’re ordering desserts, so my wife orders tea to go with it. Immediately after, the husband speaks up:

Husband Friend: “We were once at someone’s house and they served us licorice tea. It was the most horrible thing I’d ever tasted.” *Turning to his wife* “Where was that?”

Me: “That was our house.”

I don’t recall ever seeing a guy turn quite so red. The rest of us got a good laugh.

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