Not Getting A Good Reading Here

, , , , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that is the coupon for next week. Do you have the second half of this flyer, for this week’s coupon?”

Customer: *as loud as she can* “YOU NEED A F****** LAW DEGREE TO UNDERSTAND EXPIRATION DATES THESE DAYS!”

Me: “Beg your pardon? The date is written in the standard format, right here.” *points to dates on coupon*

Customer: “Like, you expect me to actually read the coupon?!”

No Such Thing As A Free Movie

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2018

(I am scanning in some returned movies when a mom and her young son approach with movies to rent. I pull up her account and notice there are about $7 worth of late fees.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, there is a balance on your account. Would you like to take care of all of it today?”

(I think she will, considering she is wearing designer clothes.)

Mother: “What movies were they for?”

(I look them up and tell her that the kids’ movies were all about 13 days late, meaning about $3 for each movie was added as a late fee.)

Mother: “But those were free kids’ movies!”

Me: “Well, yes, it’s free to rent them, but it’s sort of like the library. If they’re late, there’s a charge.”

Mother: *yelling* “NO, THEY WERE FREE. TAKE THAT OFF!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They were extremely late, so I cannot take the charges off.”

Mother: “Fine! We’re leaving and never coming back!”

Me: *as she’s leaving* “Okay, bye!”

Unfiltered Story #104347

, , | Unfiltered | January 24, 2018

Dad: “I want fat-free vanilla. But only put about HALF of what you normally use.”

Employee: *scoops ice cream onto cone*

Dad: “Well, I wanted a little more than that.”

Employee: *scoops more ice cream onto cone*

Dad: “No, that’s too much.”

Employee: *frustrated, puts ice cream back and 5 minutes later manages to get the right amount onto the cone*

Me, Mom, Brother: *shake our heads while enjoying our ice cream*

Employee: “That’ll be $11.50.”

Dad: *flips through wallet for the right amount of cash while holding cone sideways – ice cream falls onto the counter*

Dad: “Gee, it wasn’t on there very good.”

(10 minutes later we’re all in the car going home)

Dad: “What’s wrong, Ben?”

Me: “I go to school with that guy, Dad!”

Dad: “What’s your point?”

Treating Depression With Tongue Firmly In Cheek

, , , , , | Healthy | January 17, 2018

(On my most recent office visit, I get some coffee but am hustled into a room before I can mix in cream or sugar. I spot a container of tongue depressors and grab one to stir. The nurse chuckles a bit at my audacity, but it makes perfect sense to me; it’s just like any other wooden coffee stirrer. Then, I have a bright idea. A few moments later my doctor walks in:)

Me: “I think I need Zoloft for my tongue.”

Doctor: “Why is that?”

Me: “It’s been depressed.”

(I got the laugh I hoped for. Nice to have a doctor with a sense of humor.)

Maybe They Were Too Baked To Notice

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2018

(A customer comes back with pizza he ordered earlier. This is a take-and-bake pizzeria, which, of course, means they take it home and bake it in their oven.)

Customer: “I want to know who cooked this pizza. It’s cold and nasty!”

Manager: “Um… We don’t cook the pizzas here.”

Customer: “Well, whoever cooked it, it’s cold, and it’s disgusting.”

Manager: “Sir, we don’t cook the pizzas; this is a take-and-bake.”

Customer: “Well, whoever cooked it, it was terrible.”

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