I work in a cookie store. A man comes into the store on his phone, looking slightly confused
Me: “Hi! Welcome!”
Customer: “Yeah, hi, do y’all sell gluten-free bundt cakes?”
Me: “Sir, this is a cookie store.”
Customer: “So, no?”
Me: “No, sir.”
Customer: “Ah, okay, I’ll try somewhere else.”
He leaves the store and goes to the next door place, which is a tailor’s. We’re the only food shop on the block, so I truly have no idea where he was going.
I’m a manager for a sporting goods store. I come in one morning, and my associate is telling me a customer will be in later to complain about a pair of shoes, and he’s not nice about it.
The man shows up and after bashing the associate’s competence, he asks me to grab the shoes he wants so he can point out the issue. I’m annoyed already by the way he’s speaking to and about my employee; even if he’s right, it isn’t his place, and on this issue my associate wasn’t wrong. I get the white, leather Nike shoes the customer wants.
Customer: “See the wrinkle right here in the leather? This shoe is ruined! You have to have a new one shipped in.”
Me: “Sorry, sir, but I do not see a wrinkle. I only see the stitching. And at the moment, corporate is not allowing store transfers that are not on our shipping route, which my associate already checked for you. At the moment, there’s nothing I can do except wait for us to get another pair in your size, and I have no control over inventory replenishment.”
This annoys the customer, and all the berating directed at the associate is now aimed towards me. I let him say his piece, then inform him:
Me: “Sir, you can be respectful, or you can leave.”
He leaves.
I inform my district manager of what happened. Within a week, my district manager calls to let me know the customer has called corporate and they’re sending the shoes.
The shoes arrived a week later, but I had already decided this man cannot win, so I switched the shoe he rejected out with the new pair sent for him, then called him to come get them. The arrogant jerk walked in, nose in the air, and asked for the shoes. He pulls out from the box the exact shoes he rejected a week ago and starts waving them in our faces, clamoring about how perfect it was.
The associate and I manage to keep from laughing while he unknowingly celebrated buying the exact same shoes two weeks later.
One day, I was at the zoo, and a first-grade class was there on a field trip. I was at the leopard exhibit, and there were three little boys in line with their teacher in front of me.
The leopard made a roaring/groaning noise.
Boys: “Hi! Hello! Hi!”
Teacher: “He doesn’t speak English.”
Boys: “…”
Boys: “¡Hola! ¡Cómo estás! ¡Hola!”
This story reminded me of when I was working on an educational software product circa 2008 that was a children’s typing tutor. The company owner decided we needed an accompanying game for very small children to teach mouse skills. I concocted something a bit like whack-a-mole but involving mice appearing in the holes of a giant Swiss cheese wheel. The owner decided that he was going to write the educational copy to explain the game.
This might sound reasonable, but the better choices were his own three daughters who were all elementary school teachers. He made the unfortunate choice of repeating the phrase “cut the cheese” in the game instructions.
At a company meeting including his daughters and me, he read the document he had worked so hard on. It was met by immature giggles from both his daughters and me. One finally said:
Daughter: “Dad, you can’t just use the phrase ‘cut the cheese’ with kids.”
He naively asked why not. After some explanation from his daughters, the job fell to me to write the script.
I guess the silliest part about the whole thing is that the owner was my age. I’m not sure how he grew up and missed “cutting the cheese”.
There is one chain of convenience stores in this area that most people use. It is clean, the staff is super efficient, one can generally find what they want, and they offer some food and drink options.
I’m in one of those stores today, picking up a sandwich and fountain drink after getting gas. I’m tired. The place is crowded, but as I said, they are efficient, so I know this won’t take too long.
There are two lines. When I am next in line, a fellow just steps in front of me and puts his stuff on the counter. There are still three people in line behind me.
The cashier looks as surprised as I am.
Cashier: “Sir, you aren’t next; she is.”
He waves me forward. The fellow moves his stuff slightly to the side, and I put my stuff on the counter.
Clueless Fellow: “Well, I’m not sure how I was to know that. How am I supposed to know where to wait?”
Me: “Maybe seeing folks standing in a line could have been your first clue.”
Cashier: “Uh, yeah, that’s generally how things work.”
He looked a little worried about having said something not “on brand”, but I laughed. The clueless fellow grumbled. I paid for my things. The person behind me stepped quickly to the counter.
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