(I work in an electronics store. A woman comes in at around noon, ranting about how her computer that she has just purchased is defective. My coworker calls me over, as he knows little about this particular model of computer.)

Me: *walking over* “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Woman: *screaming* “Your s****y products are what’s wrong!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to refrain from the foul language, as it disturbs other customers. What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: “This computer doesn’t work! I brought it home and turned it on, and it’s just giving me this screen with some words on it!”

Me: “Ma’am, why don’t you try turning it on, and let’s see if we can work anything out.”

Woman: *grumbles* “Stupid [Electronics Store] employees and their smarty attitudes.”

(The woman finally gets the computer booted up.)

Me: “Oh, I see the problem. Your battery pack is shot. Let me go get a new one.”

Woman: “Like hell you will! And you’d better not charge me for it!”

(I go to the back of the store and retrieve a new battery pack.)

Me: *walking from the back of the store* “Okay, let’s get this thing installed.”

(I spend a total of 15 to 20 minutes getting the battery off of the computer. All the while the woman is saying obscenities under her breath about me.)

Me: “All righty! All fixed up! Now for the bad news. While the store won’t charge for the replacement part because of the warranty, I will have to charge a service fee of $4.50.”

Woman: “That’s f****** outrageous! I could’ve bought the battery for less than that!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, the battery pack itself costs about $25. So, I suggest you just pay the service fee and refrain from further profanity.”

Woman: “I… I…” *defeated* “Here’s my card.”

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Have a great day!”

Woman: “Smarta**.” *leaves*

Related:
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 6
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 5
About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 4

(I work in the pharmacy of a large drug store chain. A few weeks prior to this incident, a man came in and was acting twitchy. He eventually shoved some greeting cards down his pants and put a beer in his pocket before leaving. Shoplifting is hard to prove, but we got it on camera. On a day I am working, he comes back in with some prescriptions. I start putting them in; I have no idea about the previous incident.)

Lead Tech: “Stop! Don’t fill his stuff. [Manager] said since we got him stealing on camera, we can ask him to leave.”

(He goes to alert the pharmacist of the situation.)

Pharmacist: “[Shoplifter]! I am sorry, but I can’t fill this prescription for you.”

Shoplifter: “Why not? I need my medicine.”

Pharmacist: “Sir, last time you were in, we caught you stealing on camera, and we are choosing not to serve you. Please take your prescriptions elsewhere.” *hands him back his papers*

Shoplifter: *takes them* “It was only a beer!”

(He did end up taking his prescriptions and leaving, and the pharmacist filled me in on the previous incident. We were all so shocked that he admitted to stealing, and then also tried to act like it was okay!)

(I am working for a home warranty company. There are certain restrictions in the contracts the customers sign, one being that preexisting conditions are not covered. This is necessary because many customers will move into a house they wish to flip, and then purchase a home warranty hoping they can use that to cover the damage already there. A customer has requested a service call because the electricity in his house is not working. He has had the home warranty for less than a week, so this already raises a red flag. I speak with the contractor that was sent out to do the repair, and he tells me that the reason there is no power to the home is that the circuit breaker box is so old and in such poor condition that the breakers have actually crystallized. This is an expensive problem to fix, and there is no way this could have happened in the week customer had the home warranty. I speak to the customer and explain to him that I am denying the claim due to it being a preexisting condition. The customer is upset and requests a supervisor. I patch him over to my supervisor after explaining the situation. A few minutes later I get an email from my supervisor:)

Supervisor: “[My Name], I went ahead and covered that claim. I don’t know why you denied it; you need to be more careful in the future. It was definitely something his warranty would take care of.”

(I check the account and see she’s authorized a repair of over $2,000 for the replacement of the wiring and the circuit box. I am annoyed because I know it was not something we should have covered, but it is her name on the authorization and not mine, so I decide to just let it go. Three days later, I’m called into my manager’s office.)

Manager: “Hi, [My Name]. I wanted to speak with you about this account. Do you remember a claim you denied for a crystallized breaker box, that [Supervisor] went ahead and approved?”

Me: “Yes.” *bracing myself*

Manager: “Well, you were absolutely right! We never should have covered something like that! When our corporate office found out, they were furious. [Supervisor] no longer works for us. We’d like to offer you her position.”

(I accepted the position. I felt guilty for a while because I had genuinely liked my supervisor and hadn’t wanted her to lose her job, but sometimes it pays to listen to your employees instead of just charging full speed ahead!)

(I always try to have fun with my customers. I know my audience, so when the opportunity presents itself, I will say something wildly sarcastic and condescending to my customer, and they will either laugh or banter back with me. I am at the hostess stand, and an elderly man comes up.)

Man: “I’m just going to sit here and wait for my family to come out of the bathroom.”

Me: *in the snootiest voice I can muster* “Sir… That particular chair is reserved for VIPs.”

Man: *gently puts his hand on my shoulder* “Sweetie… That would be me.”

(Made my night!)

(A man orders a martini with an olive. The bartender makes it with three olives, but it is no big deal because olives aren’t an extra charge.)

Me: *puts the martini down* “Oh, and I didn’t tell you that each olive is $10. Plus the $6 for the martini itself. Plus tax. So you’re looking at a forty-dollar martini.”

Man: *pauses* “What a deal!”