A Price That Will Shake And Stir You

, , , | Right | May 3, 2018

(A man orders a martini with an olive. The bartender makes it with three olives, but it is no big deal because olives aren’t an extra charge.)

Me: *puts the martini down* “Oh, and I didn’t tell you that each olive is $10. Plus the $6 for the martini itself. Plus tax. So you’re looking at a forty-dollar martini.”

Man: *pauses* “What a deal!”

First Lady Served, Last Lady Respected

, , , , , | Right | May 3, 2018

(I am a banquet server at a large “public ivy” college that is particularly known for its high economics rating, because they’re usually cheap and/or selfish, and cater to their donors instead of their employees. On this day, I am catering to the president of the university, his wife, and the donors and retirees of the university, and they have pulled out all the stops. Having encountered them before, I know it is mandatory not to serve my guests until the president and his wife has been served, or else the president’s wife will pitch a fit; she’s not known for being a pleasant person. We take our trays of food out, and I wait patiently as my coworker goes to serve the president of the university, then his wife.)

Wife: “Excuse me, miss?”

Coworker: “Yes, Mrs. [Wife]? Is there something wrong?”

Wife: “Yes, you should know something.”

(I watch in horror as she then THROWS her plate of food to the floor — the plate alone was worth more than $50 — and it shatters into a million pieces as food goes everywhere. Her husband, the president, doesn’t react.)

Wife: “You always serve the lady first! LADIES ALWAYS COME FIRST!”

Coworker: *stunned silence* “I… I’m sorry, Mrs. [Wife]. Would you like me to bring you out another plate?”

Wife: “NO! You’ve ruined this entire dinner! I’ll be talking to the head of your department! You will never work here again! I hope you kill yourself, you uncultured pig!”

(The wife then crosses her arms and pouts. As my coworker walks away to get a broom, one of the donors at my table nudges me.)

Man: “Is she always like that?”

Me: “Yes, I’ve encountered her before. She told me that my dreams of being a writer are stupid and I should expect nothing more of myself than working at [Fast Food Place], because I’m too incompetent for anything else.”

Man: “Well, if that’s the case…”

(He proceeds to hand me two $50 bills, which is almost half of what I make per paycheck.)

Man: “Split that between yourself and the young woman who served [Wife]. You both are lovely young ladies, and I promise to you both that [University] won’t get a penny more from me until that wretched woman is gone!”

Me: “Thank you, sir.”

(The president’s wife proceeded to sit and pout for the rest of the evening and refused everything we brought to her. Less than a week later, Mr. [President] announced that he was stepping down at the beginning of the spring semester. Needless to say, all of catering had a party on that day, happy to finally be getting rid of that horrible woman.)

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People Are The Biggest Headache

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 29, 2018

(My husband and I spend the day helping our son move to his new place and clean his old place. We stop for gas and drinks on the way home. While he pumps gas, I go inside for the drinks. Part of the transaction involves inputting my zip code. I groan and say:)

Me: “I hate numbers when I have a migraine.”

Customer Behind Me: *yells right into my ear* “I DON’T!”

Me: “Lady, you don’t know how lucky you are that I don’t carry a weapon.”

(Please, people, never yell at someone with a migraine!)

Unfiltered Story #109612

, , , | Unfiltered | April 28, 2018

Checking out customers. Current sales include metal decor. Customer comes to my line with a door mat and tells me it’s 50% off.

Me: Sir, this door mat is not on sale this week do you still want it?

Customer: No. It IS half off there was a sign in front of it.

Me: (shows him the current ad that I have on my register) I’m sorry sir but Im fairly certain it is full price.

Customer: There was a sign right in front that said it is 50% off!

Me: I can have someone go check for you. If the sign does say it is 50% off I will give it to you.

Customer: (marches to where he found the door mat. Few minutes later returns very upset.) The sign says metal decor is 50% off but was placed wrong. You need to move your signs!

Me: Sir, I believe the mats sit right below a rack of metal decor signs. That’s why the ad was placed there.

Customer: (very upset almost yelling) You should move your signs!! *storms out of the store*

Next customer in line: Maybe you should learn how to read?!


No Trend Towards Blend

, , , , , | Working | April 20, 2018

(My husband and I decide to try a new independent coffee shop that everyone keeps talking about. It is a hot summer day, and I usually don’t order blended coffee drinks, but the shop has a large selection that sound good and a sign advertising them as a great way to cool down in the heat and humidity. It is around one in the afternoon, so it’s not right after opening and not anywhere near closing, and the shop isn’t busy.)

Barista: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]. What can I get started for you? Our blended drinks are great for this weather.”

Me: “Yes, they sound perfect. I’ll try the [Blended Drink].”

Barista: “Oh, well, I’ll have to get the blender out.”

(The barista stares at me. I stare at her. After several more seconds of uncomfortable staring…)

Me: “Well, I guess I’ll just have an iced latte.”

Barista: “Great! I’ll get that started. Next time, you really should try one of our blended drinks!”

Me: “…”

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