The Pollinator: Rise Of The Bees  

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2019

(A lady is looking at our local honey display and comes over to me to ask how much bee pollen someone should take a day. I have no idea, so I go to some coworkers and see if they have any idea. None of us has any idea, so I get on my coworker’s cell phone to see if I can find a quick answer. The customer comes to where we are standing.)

Me: “I’m looking to see if this website has any recommendations about what dosages to take.”

Customer: “All right, I was surprised you have it so cheap here. At natural foods stores, you would pay in the 100s for this product.”

Coworker: “Yeah, local honey can be really expensive, but it is good for you.”

Customer: “Yeah, it builds up your immunity to local pollutants. That’s the reason I’m trying this. I’m allergic to pollen.”

(My coworkers and I stare at her for a second, horrorstruck.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you’re allergic to pollen, please do not use this bee pollen. I’m scared you’re going to get really sick!”

Customer: “But it’s for building up your immunity.”

Coworker: “Well, the honey is good for that but it’s probably not a good idea to use that product.”

Me: “Yeah, please talk to your doctor or even our pharmacist before you take this!”

Customer: “But I am not allergic to tree pollen; I’m only allergic to flower pollen.”

Me: “But, ma’am, the bees get their pollen from flowers, and this is local honey, so that pollen would probably do awful things to your body.”

(This lady didn’t believe a word I said until the website I pulled up said that pollen was a trigger. She eventually put the bee pollen back, but I’m still worried she is unintentionally going to kill herself.)

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I’m Drawing A Blanc

, , , , , , | Right | July 27, 2019

Me: “All right, and do you want any sauce on this?”

Customer: “Mustard. And white pepper.”

Me: “Um… Okay, mustard. And you said pepper?” *holding up the pepper*

Customer: “White pepper.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t have white pepper at this store. Only black pepper.”

Customer: “Nooo, you do have white pepper. I want the white.”

Me: *putting all the shakers on the counter* “Sorry, ma’am. I’ve got black pepper, oregano, and salt.”

Customer: “That’s it.” *points to the salt*

Me: “Salt? All right.”

Customer: “No, it’s white pepper.”

Me: “It’s salt. Did you still want this on?”

Customer: No, I can’t have salt. I can have white pepper. I want white pepper.”

Me: “All righty.” *puts on “white pepper”*

(At the counter:)

Customer: “The doctor said that I can’t have salt because of my blood pressure. He didn’t say I couldn’t have white pepper.”

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There Is No Wisdom In Their Filing

, , | Healthy | July 22, 2019

(I am at the dentist for a routine teeth cleaning. I am a new patient as I have recently moved; this is my first appointment at this dentist. Note that I originally scheduled an appointment in the middle of the month, but when I called with a question a few days after making that appointment, the receptionist was able to get me in earlier due to a cancellation. The hygienist takes me back to the room and is asking me some questions about my dental history.)

Hygienist: “And how are your wisdom teeth? Are they still hurting you?”

Me: *confused* “Um… I don’t have wisdom teeth; I was born without any.”

Hygienist: “Your record says that your previous dentist in Saint Louis made a note that you were having some pain from them.”

Me: *now very confused* “I’ve never lived in Saint Louis; I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hygienist: “Wait… You’re [My First Name] Smith, right?”

Me: “No, I’m [My First Name] Jones!”

(When the hygienist called me from the waiting room, she had only used my first name, not my last. Turns out the person who had previously been scheduled and then cancelled the appointment I subsequently took had the same first name! I was even more surprised about the mix-up because my first name is not very common.)

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Three For The Price Of One

, , , , , , , , | Working | July 18, 2019

I work as a drive-thru attendant at a popular diner franchise which has a very high turnover rate. This has lead to several people being hired that probably shouldn’t have been due to desperation on management’s part. Here are some highlights of spectacularly bad workers.

Worker #1: The Lazy Thief

This girl was hired to help me by being a second closer, so I wouldn’t have to close six days a week — corporate mandated I get one day off to avoid overtime payments — and so we could start rebuilding the drive-thru, which had lost six employees on both shifts. At first, she seemed okay, worked hard enough, and was friendly with customers. But after three weeks, she began to show her true nature.

It all began with her calling off work saying she was sick. Fair enough, she just needed to bring a doctor’s note in. She never did. Next, she called saying her son had fallen and needed to get staples in his head. This was a lie, as confirmed by a family member of hers who started working there later on. Then, she called in sick on one of the busiest days of the year, and posted to Facebook about the “sick” party she was getting wasted at.

The general manager, despite having evidence against her, did nothing because he was afraid of turnover numbers getting higher. The next weekend, the employee called an ambulance for herself and faked a seizure — she was bouncing her leg up and down while sitting — and still didn’t get fired. At this point, she was also trying to assert herself as Drive-Thru Leader, which she wasn’t, so she was starting to get on everyone’s nerves.

Then, the breakthrough happened.

This girl was always bragging about how customers loved her so much that they gave her fat tips; drive-thru sometimes gets people who let us keep the change, usually a dollar every so often. One night, we had a different manager, from day shift, who was eager to prove herself as a good manager and actually went through and looked at the paperwork for our coupons. One coupon we had was a survey for two dollars off, and came with every fifth receipt we printed. The girl had rung in 45 of them, but only two physical coupons existed. Corporate was called in to watch the cameras and her scam was exposed.

She’d tell the customer the total, and if they paid with cash, she’d keep two dollars for herself and just hit the survey button to keep the drawer balanced. Then, she’d lose the customer’s receipt and send them on their way. Needless to say, once the GM saw this, he went from passive to the angriest man alive. She was fired and sent home crying, and an investigation was put into place to see just how much she ended up stealing.

I’m not privy to the results of this investigation, but given that she’s banned from the premises, it’s probably still ongoing.

Worker #2: “I Have To Do The Job?”

This worker was bad news from day one. He refused to learn, or to do anything, really. He would throw away our equipment and refuse to wear gloves when handling customers’ food. I was put in charge of training him and he wouldn’t listen to me, saying, “You’re not my dad.”

When the manager got involved after he said that, he called her a b**** to her face. This led to all four managers and the GM crowding into the office with him to find out what his damage was. He told them he didn’t have to listen to any of them, which led to the GM telling him he was fired.

He apparently didn’t believe it would stick, because when that GM retired the next month he put in a second application. I informed the new GM about him and got him put on a blacklist.

Worker #3: “They Were Mean to Me!”

A staffing hole was filled by a day-shift employee that had only been there two weeks. Upon my arrival, I found she had taken over the bagging station and would not move anywhere else, saying that since she was working a double shift, she wasn’t doing anything else.

This quickly proved problematic because she couldn’t keep up.

She also had an attitude about everything my coworker and I did. My coworker told me she wasn’t wearing gloves when she grabbed the food. I went over and firmly but fairly told her to put gloves on when handling other people’s food. She didn’t like that, but did it anyway when the manager backed me up.

For another hour, we struggled to maintain a good time, and then, with nine orders hanging, two partially bagged, and no warning, she left. Clocked out and left. The manager had no idea she had done this. We had to scramble to deal with the late rush with only two people.

Later on that evening, she sent the manager a three-page text complaining about my coworker and me. I had “been rude” and “snatched bags out of her hand” all night, and my coworker had been on her phone the whole time. The problems with those things were: 1, I only talked to her once, and it was about gloves, and 2, we have to move fast, so I tend to grab while moving, and 3, my coworker couldn’t have been on her phone as it was charging and I was standing in front of it the whole time as it was next to the register. The manager took our side and promised never to let her work with us again.

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Nailed It!

, , , , | Right | July 18, 2019

I was in line behind a man and a boy who looked about five.

The cashier was a young man with fingernails painted dark green.

The customer eyed the cashier’s nails and said to his son, “Some men wear nail polish. Do you know what that makes them?”

The son looked between the painted fingernails and the cashier’s face for a moment before hazarding a guess, “Happy?”

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