Unfiltered Story #124845

, , | Unfiltered | November 8, 2018

caller:  Hi, I have a question…
me: yes, can I help you.
caller:  Can you tell me what the weather will be in two weeks when we plan to be there?
me:  (thinking-SERIOUSLY?)….
me: “well, the weather is very unpredictable. – we can start of the day with sun and if the weather blows in a thunderstorm, we’ll probably have rain.
caller:  “Oh… can you be more precise than that?”
me:  I recommend you just watch the weather reports on tv and possibly visit a weather website online and check daily for our zip code, which (zipcode)….
caller:  “okay… thank you”
me: (thinking to myself…SERIOUSLY ?!!!)
ME:  You have a great day!..bye bye…

Needs All That Sweet To Counter Her Bitterness

, , , , , | Right | November 5, 2018

(The winery for which I work is very small, but serves a wide variety of wine from our own private label — whites, reds, blushes, fruits, as well as dessert wines and ports. Please note that there are MANY wineries in my state, most of which serve their own private labels, as well. Two women walk in and sit at our service bar.)

Guest #1: “I would like a bottle of [Other Private Label] Chardonnay.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but we only serve our own private label.”

Guest #1: “And what is that?”

Me: *not sure how she missed the business name, which is prominently displayed everywhere* “[Our Place] Winery. We make all of our own wines on site.” *hands her a menu*

Guest #1: “Well, I want something semi-sweet, like a Chardonnay.”

Me: “We do have a Chardonnay, but it is a dry, full-bodied wine, not so much a sweet or semi-sweet.”

Guest #1: *to [Guest #2]* “Ugh. I don’t know why we came here. They don’t know what they’re doing.” *to me* “Well, what do you have that’s semi-sweet and white?”

Me: “Let’s take a look at the menu.”

(I take a few moments to describe our semi-sweet and sweet whites, from driest to sweetest, including flavour descriptions.)

Guest #1: “Well, I guess I have to get something. Let’s start with that first one you mentioned and work our way through to the sweetest. Just a little bit, because I might not like it. I don’t know why you don’t have [Other Winery] wines here.”

(I go to the cooler and pull out the first three wines she mentions.)

Guest #1: “NO! Don’t pour them all at once! If I like one, I won’t want to taste the rest!”

Me: “That’s fine; we only pour one tasting at a time. I’m just pulling out the bottles to make it easier.” *pours first tasting [Guest #1] picked out*

Guest #1: “This is awful. Purely awful.”

Me: “That’s okay. You don’t have to like all of them. I’m sure we’ll find something for you!”

Guest #2: *trying tasting* “This is pretty good. Can I get a glass of this?”

Guest #1: “How can you even drink that swill?” *tries tasting the other wine* “Oh, God, this is even worse! Do you not know how to make wine?”

Me: “I’m sorry you don’t like that one. Is it too sweet?”

Guest #1: “It tastes like vinegar and awful!”

Me: “Let’s try this one. It’s very sweet.”

Guest #1: *trying tasting* “It’s better, but still not sweet. I don’t think you understand sweet. I guess the sweetest one will have to do. Just pour me a glass, and I’ll deal with it.”

(I pour the glasses for [Guest #1] and [Guest #2], and give them some crackers to enjoy with their wine. I come back and check on them a few minutes later.)

Guest #1: “I figured out if I pour all the wines together, they taste halfway decent. Has anyone ever thought to do that?”

Me: “Oh, yes, our guests make cocktails from the wine all the time. In fact, I have one guest who likes to mix [dessert wine] with [specialty wine].”


Me: “Yes. It’s very sweet; some folks compare it to a ‘syrupy sweetness.’”

Guest #1: “Give me that.”

(I pour her a tasting, which she gulps down.)


Guest #2: *samples tasting* “Oh, God, that is strong.”


Guest #2: “You asked for ‘semi-sweet,’ not ‘sweet as h***’!”

Guest #1: “I’m going to buy a bottle of that, because I’m sure as h*** never coming back to this place again, with their vinegar swill crap!”

(After complaining about all of our semi-sweets, insulting our product, mixing six different whites together, and finally enjoying our dessert wine, she decided to leave behind her entire glass of wine after purchasing one of our most expensive — and sweetest — bottles of wine. I guess there’s no pleasing some folks!)

Even Years Later, Frozen Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving

, , , , | Right | November 4, 2018

(I work in the electronics section of a major retailer in Ohio. One of my associates in the photo lab is heading to break when the phone starts to ring. I’m pretty familiar with the area so I tell her I will handle it. The photo lab is also where we receive online orders for customers to pick up in store.)

Me: “Photo lab!”

Customer: “Hey, I talked to someone in toys about one of them Frozen dolls. Your website has them, but they’re not available until the fifth. The person in toys says you have two!”

Me: “Okay, if we have a couple, I can run over there and grab one and hold it for you if the online pickup option isn’t working.”

Customer: “No, no! We need them in Philadelphia! It’s for our friend, for his daughter. We need it shipped there.”

Me: “Oh! Well, unfortunately, we actually don’t offer store-to-store shipping here at [Store]. For that, he might have to wait until the fifth to receive it from the website.”

(She starts to get an attitude with me.)

Customer: “But you have them in your store…”

Me: “Right, but like I stated earlier, we don’t ship items from one store to another. The only—”

(I can hear the phone being grabbed, and suddenly an even angrier woman is now on the phone.)

Customer #2: “Listen here! We are here in [My Town In Ohio], and he is in Philadelphia, okay?! This is a doll. For this daughter. If he orders it online, it will get there on the fifth! We need it before that!”

Me: “All right, again, our store does not offer store-to-store shipping. If the store in his town doesn’t have the doll in stock, he’ll just have to wait for it to be shipped or go to a different store. Other than that, you’re welcome to come and buy it now and express ship it to him yourself, but that might take just as long. There’s literally nothing else we can do for you.”

(A few seconds of silence pass.)

Customer #2: “You are so dumb!” *click*

(My associate comes back from break.)

Me: “[Associate], I’m never answering your phone again!”

They’re About To Be Introduced To The Wonderful World Of Pizza

, , , , | Right | November 2, 2018

Customer: “I’d like a pepperoni pizza to go, please.”

Me: “What size pizza would you prefer, ma’am?”

Customer: “They come in different sizes?!”

Criminally Decaffeinated

, , , , , , | Legal | November 1, 2018

Me: “911 Emergency Services. Do you need police, fire, or ambulance?”

Caller: “I need you to tell me why there are a bunch of police cars blocking the driveway to [Gas Station]; I need my coffee!”

Me: “Ma’am, there was a robbery and murder in [Gas Station] overnight. The police are still investigating what happened. I am afraid [Gas Station] is closed for business for the time being.”

Caller: “I need my coffee!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am. There is nothing that can be done at the moment. Now, if there isn’t anything else, I have other calls waiting. Have a nice day.”

(The caller hangs up. Thirty seconds later, my partner’s phone rings:)

Partner: “Ma’am, as my partner already explained to you, someone robbed [Gas Station], and then shot a customer and killed the clerk, so the store won’t be open until tomorrow at the earliest.”

(The caller says something else.)

Partner: “No, ma’am, a police officer is not going to brew a pot of coffee and bring you out a cup, even if you pay for it.”

(The caller says something:)

Partner: “Because, ma’am, that isn’t their job, and they are not just sitting around doing nothing; they all have various task and cannot leave their vehicles or posts simply to get you a coffee. Now, if there is nothing else, I am going to disconnect this call, as I have another call coming in at this very moment.” *click*

(Ten seconds later:)

Me: “911—”

Caller: “I need my f****** coffee, and I need it now!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, you have called us three times in less than five minutes to tell us this. We all need our coffee first thing in the morning, and can be grumpy without it, but as my partner and I have both explained to you, [Gas Station] is closed, so you will have to go elsewhere. There is a [Coffee Chain] just five minutes down the road.”

Caller: “What?! I’m not paying $7 for that swill when I can get my coffee here for 99 cents! Now if only your officers would move and let me in!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are tying up an emergency line with a non-emergency call, and as I said, this is your third call regarding this. It needs to stop, as this line is for life and death emergencies only. Now, if you don’t have an actual emergency, I have to disconnect this call, as I have other calls coming in that require my attention. Do not call back unless you have an actual emergency; doing so could result in a Abuse Of 911 System charge, and you could be arrested!”

Caller: “How dare you threa—”

Me: *click*

(Not but five minutes later:)

Me: “911 emergency. Do y—”

Caller: *screeching* “Listen to me! I have to be at work in fifteen minutes! Tell your officers to move their cars so I can come in and get my coffee! It will only take me five minutes, and then they can go back to doing whatever they’re doing.”

Me: “Ma’am, I warned you that if you called back, you would get in trouble for tying up the emergency line with a non-emergency issue. I am going to dispatch an officer to come over and talk to you.”

Caller: “You can’t do s*** to me! You work for me; I pay your salary. And if those piggies won’t get out of the way for me to get my own coffee, then tell them to bring it out to me!”

(Just then I hear someone approach the caller; it’s one of our officers on scene:)

Police Officer: “Excuse me, ma’am, but why all the screaming? Are you hurt? Are you family? Is there something I can do to help you?”

Caller:Finally! I have been talking to your worthless 911 operator for the last ten minutes. I am glad he finally doing his job.”

Police Officer: “What do you mean, ma’am? I’m confused.”

Caller: “I told your operator that since you guys won’t let me go inside to get my own coffee, he should have an officer come out to take my order and get the coffee for me!”

Police Officer: “Okay, I’m confused. Did you just say you called 911 to tell the dispatcher to tell the homicide detective and crime scene investigators to vacate the building so you can get your coffee?”

Caller: “Yes! Now move your cars so I can pull in!”

Police Officer: “No, ma’am. First, calm down; there is no reason for you to be yelling, and second, there is a gas station about five minutes down the road where I am sure they’ll be glad to serve you a cup of coffee that isn’t contaminated with blood.”

Caller: *screeching at the top of her lungs* “No! And don’t tell me what to do; you’re not my boss! I am not going to f****** [Coffee Chain] and paying $7 for a cup of coffee when I can get it here for 99 cents! Now, move your f****** cars and people so I can go inside and get my coffee and leave. I am already running late for work, and every minute you have me waiting, the later I am going to be. You will have to explain to my boss that you were the reason why I was late!”

Police Officer: “Well, I’m sorry to tell you this, ma’am, but you’re going to be even later if you don’t get into your car and leave, as you are keeping me and other officers from being able to conduct our jobs. Unless you get back into your vehicle and drive off, I will have no choice but to arrest you for disorderly conduct.”

Caller: “You can’t do s*** to me; I have done nothing wrong! Now, I demand to be let in, or I will be calling my friend, the mayor—”

Police Officer: “Ma’am, you’re under arrest.”

Caller: *shuffling in the background as the phone drops* “Hey! Heeeey! What are you doing?! Get your hands off of me now, or I am going to sue you and get you fired!”

Police Officer: “Ma’am, you are now under arrest for disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace and assault on a law enforcement officer for elbowing me in the stomach as I attempted to handcuff you.”

(After her initial arrest, a charge of abuse of the 911 system was added because she called 91 four times in less than five minutes, preventing us from answering two life and death calls that had to be rerouted to another dispatch center a few miles away.)

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