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We’re Positive That Was A Bad Choice

, , , , , , , | Learning | May 4, 2021

My school is hybrid with students coming in part-time due to full-time viral yuck. A student emails me that she may have been exposed to viral yuck and wants me to know she’s quarantined. I call her to check in on her.

Me: “So, you went out with friends and one of them tested positive afterward?”

Student: “Yes, ma’am. I didn’t even hang out with her that much.”

Me: “You were in different rooms the whole time?”

Student: “No, but we only got near each other to pass what we were smoking.”

Me: “…”

Student: “What?”

Me: “First of all, why are you telling me that part? Second, you put your mouth on something that had her saliva and breath on it?”

Student: “Well, now that you put it that way, I’m worried.”

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Making Your Day A Little Dimmer

, , , | Right | April 30, 2021

In addition to mailing, we also sell packing supplies. A man comes in with a prepaid package to drop off, but the label isn’t attached.

Customer: “Can I get some packing tape?”

Me: “Sure, it’s right over there on the wall.”

Customer: “You mean I have to buy it? You can’t just give me tape?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you have to pay for the tape.”

Customer: “You’re a dimwit.”

He walks out, leaving my next customer to stare at him, shocked.

Next Customer: “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Me: “It’s okay. It happens fairly often, but that’s the first time I’ve ever been called a dimwit.”

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She Butter Not Come Back

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2021

I’m a busboy at a country club. We get an order for lobster with no butter. The lobster is made with no butter either on it or on the side. Not two minutes later, it comes back, clearly not even touched, with the complaint that there is clearly butter on the lobster. So, the chef fires a new one and it gets sent out.

The second lobster comes back again because “there was clearly butter on it” (there wasn’t) and one of the managers was apparently putting out the “fire” with the customer.

I have a delivery near that table a few minutes later and this little old lady is yelling at the top of her lungs and has drawn the attention of almost every member near her table to them.

Eventually, the manager is able to calm her down but has to comp the entire table, all because she was given exactly what she ordered.

To make it worse, she ends up ordering a well-done steak as her comp meal. It is only ready to go out as everyone else at her table is way past done eating, so they all sit there drinking more wine as she takes another thirty minutes to eat her six-ounce steak.

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A Credit Rating That Never Dies

, , , , | Right | April 28, 2021

I’m a customer service representative for a credit card company. It’s my first day.

Caller: “My card needs to be updated; my last name has a typo.”

He gives me the details, but I cannot find his account, which I tell him.

Caller: “It’s my wife’s card. Her name is [Wife].”

I get the account open and see that his name is not on it.

Me: “Can I speak with your wife?”

Caller: “She’s been dead for eleven years, but I still use her card.”

I transferred him to the fraud department!

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Well, Well, Well, How The Turntables…

, , , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

I’m buying groceries like usual when an item won’t scan.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but this item isn’t scanning up.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’m not in a rush.”

Cashier: “I guess that must mean it’s free, then!”

Me: “I… Uhhh… Pardon?”

She called for a price check, but I never expected to be on the receiving end of that line!

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