Unfiltered Story #98717

, , , | Unfiltered | October 25, 2017

My youngest first cousin is about three and a half. I take my sons to visit my aunt and uncle just after the family returned from Myrtle Beach. My cousin comes running up to greet us happily yelling, “I’ve got crabs!”

While my cousin shows the boys her new pets, my aunt and I are in another room trying to stifle our laughter.

Thirty years later, the same cousin and I are at the library for story time. Someone mentioned crabs and I couldn’t help grinning at [cousin.]

She muttered “Don’t you dare!” to warn me not to tell the story.

 

Took A While For The (Heat) Transfer

, , , , | Learning | October 23, 2017

(I am going back to school to get my Master’s. I went straight into the military after college, so I’m quite a bit older than most of my classmates. Nearly all of my classmates are traditional students, getting their Master’s straight out of undergrad. It’s the first day of classes.)

Professor: “This class builds a lot on your undergrad Heat Transfer class. Just so I can get an idea, has everyone taken Heat Transfer in the last two years?”

(Most of the students nod but several of us shake their heads.)

Professor: “Who took it over two years ago?”

(Three of us raise our hands.)

Professor: “Four years.”

(Both students put their hands down.)

Professor: “Six years?”

(I still have my hand up.)

Professor: “Eight years?”

Me: “Please, just stop.”

(He finally got the hint.)

Violently Protesting Against Sex On TV

, , , , , | Related | October 20, 2017

For a few months in the early eighties, my husband and I lived with his parents. They had only one television, and often wanted to watch different channels. On one such night, Mom wanted to watch a slightly raunchy primetime soap opera, while Dad voted for a boxing match.

They decided to drag my husband and me into the debate. I was working on a paper for one of my college classes, so I didn’t really care, but did express an aversion to the violence of boxing.

For some reason, Dad decided the debate was over. As he changed the channel he said, “Violence is better than sex any day.”

We all just stared at him until he realized what he’d said. His embarrassment and bumbling explanations made the rest of us laugh until we cried.

Bird Of (Written) Passage

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I work at a large department store for a summer job. One day I’m in the pet section when a elderly man in a scooter comes up to me.)

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

(The man holds up a bag of birdseed and makes some strange sounds that sound distressed.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t understand. Are you asking me about the bag?”

(The man makes a few more sounds I can’t understand and hands me the bag.)

Me: “Is there something wrong with the bag?”

(More noises from the man. I look over the bag and find nothing wrong with it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I don’t understand what you want from me.”

(The man takes out a pad of paper and starts writing. He holds out the pad and it reads, “birdseed.”)

Me: *now a little distressed* “Yes, this is birdseed, but I don’t understand what you’re asking me.”

(The man continues to make noises and write things down on his note pad. I’m still very lost about what he wants from me. Several scribbled notes later, I decide that he’s asking me where the birdseed is so I take him to the pet food aisle and point to the bird seed.)

Me: “Is this what you’re looking for, sir?”

(The man doesn’t even look at the shelf and only keeps writing in his note pad. It goes back and forth like this for a while, and it’s starting to get to the end of my shift.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. I’m sorry, but my shift is over. I can direct you to another employee if you like.”

(The man just made a happy sound, took the bag of birdseed he’d handed to me, and left. Throughout our hour-long exchange I learned he was 63 years old, had three kids and two were married. I never found out what he was asking me about the birdseed.)

Very Animated About Getting You To That Movie

, , , , | Working | October 14, 2017

(It is well known at my store that I am a fan of anime, because I often wear hair ribbons or pins related to different series. The manager is as well, but she just displays it with a lanyard of soot sprites. At this time, I’m copying the schedule for the first week of the new year into my phone while she checks out a customer.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], do you like [Animated Movie]?”

Me: “Well, it’s one of the many by [Movie Director] I haven’t seen yet.”

Manager: *knowing smile* “[Nearby Theater] is showing it on the 5th, at 7 pm. Subbed. And it’s just $12.”

Me: “Okay, thanks!”

(It wasn’t until I walked out of the store and checked the schedule I just copied down for that date that I realized she scheduled me to get out of work an hour earlier than the time the movie starts so I could go see it. Best. Manager. Ever.)

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