Unfiltered Story #141264

, , | Unfiltered | February 20, 2019

I am browsing in the electronics section of a well-known big box retailer whose employees wear red shirts and khakis. I happen to be wearing a bright red sweater, but it’s over top of a very bright white dress. I notice while I’m looking at different models of cell phones that a woman is staring at me and tapping her foot.

Her: Are you ever going to help me?

Me: Excuse me?

Her: I’ve been waiting here for ten minutes while you’ve been screwing around. I need a video game out of the case.

Me: oh, I’m sorry, but I’m sure there is an employee around here who can do that for you.

Her: no, I asked you to do your job.

Me: m’am, I don’t work here. I can’t help you.

Her: but you’re wearing red!

Me: I still don’t work here.

She huffs and puffs and stomps off complaining about terrible service.

Let’s Play With Fire, Kids!

, , , | Right | February 18, 2019

(I see a very lost- and confused-looking lady approaching other customers at random, most of whom walk away from her in a hurry. I catch up to her in the toy department and ask if I can help her with anything.)

Customer: “Oh, yes, finally! I’m just looking for charcoal lighter fluid. I thought it would be over here.”

Me: “Our lighter fluid is in the garden center. You’ll see it there, next to the grills, as soon as you walk in.”

Customer: “Well, why isn’t here? I think it should be here. It’s in garden? That makes no sense; I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, no, this is the toy department, we don’t keep lighter fluid here!”

Customer: “But why? I don’t understand why it isn’t over here. Why isn’t it here?”

Me: “Because you definitely don’t want kids playing with lighter fluid! It’s in the garden center, I’ll show you where it is.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I know it’s not out there. I’m sure it’s here in this area somewhere; I’ll keep looking.”

(And with that, she wandered off, mumbling about how she “didn’t understand” why we don’t keep lighter fluid in the toy department.)

Epitomizing “Awkward Turtle”

, , , , , , , | Learning | February 18, 2019

This happened in my junior life science class. The teacher was young and good looking but completely socially awkward and odd. He often laughed at his own jokes that really weren’t funny. One class in particular sticks in my head as the weirdest thing I ever witnessed.

We were studying the reproductive practices of different animals, sea turtles specifically on this day. Instead of just explaining it,  the teacher decided to do a… demonstration.

He proceeded to put a large cardboard box on his back to look like a turtle, placed a small container with sand in the back of the class — right next to my chair — and lay “eggs” to bury in the sand.

By eggs, I mean golf balls, which he placed between his legs and dropped into the sand to simulate laying eggs. Unfortunately for me, I was right in the view of his backside. It was the most awkward thing to ever happen to me in a class, and I about fell out of my chair, exclaiming, “OH, MY GOD!”

However, to this day, I do still remember exactly how sea turtles reproduce, so I guess his method worked?

Fake Stranger Danger Danger

, , , , , | Related | February 12, 2019

(My brother has a wicked sense of humor and loves to troll people. He never means any real harm by it, but not everyone knows how to handle it. Our mother has been forced to learn from experience. We’re shopping with our mother and my fourteen-year-old brother. This is also during an era when there was a string of commercials on television about what children should do if a stranger tries to take them from a store.  On this particular day my brother has been bored and is dragging his feet.)

Mother: *to brother* “Will you come on already? We’re almost done.” *tugs on his arm at this point*

Brother: *throws himself to the floor* “THIS ISN’T MY MOMMY!”

(Everyone around us stops to stare. I expect my mother tear into him, but instead, she stays completely calm.)

Mom: “Well, if I’m not your mother, I guess I don’t have to give you a ride home or feed you any of this.”

Brother: *sheepishly gets to his feet*  

(He did not try that one again.)

Unfiltered Story #139398

, , | Unfiltered | February 8, 2019

(I work as a ferrier and blacksmith and will often go to horse shows and such to advertise my business and preform emergency services on horses that need them. Typically all I do is just trim horse hooves and put shoes on, but I can also provide some veterinary services. In this instance, a woman walks up to me while I’m treating a mule that’s in a lot of pain because of his bad feet, and am administering an oral pain relieving gel via his mouth.)
Woman: “What are you doing?! Get that tube out of his mouth right now! You’re poisoning him! YOU’RE POISONING THE ANIMAL THAT JESUS CHRIST RODE INTO TOWN ON! WE HAVE A JESUS HATER! JESUS HATER!!! HE’S POISONING A DONKEY!!! A HOLY DONKEY!!! JESUS HATER!!!”
(The woman runs away, screaming about how I’m trying to poison the mule, and that I’m a Jesus hater. I didn’t even get to say anything to her before she ran off. Luckily, the mule was ok.)

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