How To Deal With Gritty Customers

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2010

(Our home phone number is very close to a local hardware and building supply store.)

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna order some gravel.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: “That’s what I called!”

Me: “No, it isn’t. You’re trying to call [Supply Store]. This is a private residence.”

(This goes on for eight sets of hangups and calls back, with the guy getting nastier and nastier.)

Customer: “Listen, lady. I’m getting really tired of the run-around, so just take my d*** concrete order!”

Me: “Fine, sir. That was eight tons? It’ll be delivered around four pm today.”


This story is part of our roundup about customers who are bad listeners!

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A Hole In His Logic, Among Other Things

, , , , , | Right | April 15, 2010

Customer: “The Swiss cheese I bought last week didn’t have any holes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Sometimes when we get to the end of a block of cheese, there aren’t many holes in it.”

Customer: “Well, can I get my money back?”

Me: “Did you bring the cheese back?”

Customer: “No. I ate it.”

Me: “Did it taste okay?”

Customer: “Yes, it tasted fine.”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “BUT IT DIDN’T HAVE ANY HOLES!”

Me: “Let me get my manager…”

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Couldn’t Handle The Screening Process

, , , , , | Right | April 14, 2010

(I am hosting a class for senior citizens to help them learn computing.)

Me: “Could I have everyone move their mouse to the top of their screens?”

(An elderly gentleman in the back row takes his physical mouse, places it on the screen, and pushes it to the top.)


This story is part of our Old People & Technology roundup.

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Pissy Comitatus

, , , | Right | April 5, 2010

(While waiting for his appointment, a client abruptly gets up and leaves. When he returns, he is furious.)

Client: “Why do you lock people out of your bathrooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have a key here. I’m happy to give it to you. The building keeps the restrooms locked so that people can’t walk in off the street and use them.”

Client: “Well, what good does that do me now? I thought I wasn’t allowed in, so I had to pee in the parking lot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you peed in the parking lot?”

Client: “You people left me no choice!”

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Reality Bites, And So Do Customers

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2010

(I work at a historical site of the civil war, dressing and acting as if we were still in that time period)

Tourist: “Is that fire real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Is the water you’re drinking real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Are your clothes real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Are you real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “This place isn’t very interesting.”


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