(A customer is trying to pay with an unsigned card.)

Me: “Ma’am, since your credit card is not signed I will need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it. I left it with someone at [Department Store] because they’re signing me up for one of their credit cards. Can’t you just put it through?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, no. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! This is ridiculous! I’ll be right back!” *storms off*

(Because she has already put a gift card toward the purchase, I have to wait several minutes for my busy manager to come and cancel the transaction before I can ring any other customers. The customer’s signature is still on the pad when she returns.)

Customer: “Fine! Here’s my ID! And you left my signature up on the screen for anyone to see!”

Me: “I assure you, no one else approached the register while you were gone.”

Customer: “Someone could have stolen my identity!”

Me: “But you left your ID and social security number with a stranger in another store?”

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(My job is just to fold/hang the clothes from the fitting rooms and put them back. A customer comes up to me with two identical shirts.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between a small and a medium?”

Me: “Um, the small is smaller than the medium?”

Customer: “I know that! Is there any other difference?”

Me: “Not really.”

Customer: “What kind of salesman are you? You don’t know that much about clothes.”

Me: “I don’t sell the clothes. I just fold them.”

Customer: “So you don’t know if there’s any difference?”

Me: “They’re the same thing. One is just smaller.”

(The customer hangs the medium on a rack, hangs the small in front of the medium. She compares the two shirts for a good five minutes before going with the small “because it’s smaller.”)

(I’m a customer at a grocery store. We’re in a snow storm and people have gone mad in preparation, buying most of the bread, eggs, and milk.)

Customer: *inches from the cashier’s face* “MILK AND BREAD! MILK AND BREAD!”

Cashier: *stunned*

Customer: “I bet all the customers were like that today, huh? All those crazy people buying up all that stuff! But not me, I’m not crazy!” *walks away*

Cashier: *nervously laughs while looking at me wide-eyed*

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(Note: this takes place a week before Christmas in a store packed full of people. I am the only one operating the registers when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

Other Store: “I am sending a customer your way for a game. The system says you have one left.”

(Sure enough, a customer shows up for a very popular game. When I begin to ring her out, I explain that even though the plastic is removed, it is a brand new game.)

Customer: “That is not a brand new game!”

Me: “I assure you it is, madam. We must remove all discs from the cases if they are being displayed on the floor, and this is my last copy.”

Customer: “It has been opened! It’s been played! You’re lying to me!”

(At this point, she turns to the long line behind her and starts yelling at everyone in line.)

Customer: “Can you believe this?! This is ridiculous! This game is for a child! I can’t give an opened game to a child for Christmas!!”

(Without missing a beat, the entire line opens their game cases. All of them are empty.)

Customer: “None of you love your children!” *storms out*

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(An elderly woman enters and approaches the counter carrying an original Xbox under her arm.)

Customer: “My grandson gave me this for Christmas and, well, I’m just not interested in video games, so I was wondering if I could trade it in for money.”

Me: “Well, we can only give you store credit, not cash.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. I could just give him the store credit as a late Christmas gift.”

Me: “All right. Well, before I take it, I have to test it to make sure it works.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Hmm?”

Customer: “Why do you have to test it? I’m sure it works!”

Me: “Company policy, ma’am. It’ll just be a second; I just have to plug it in right here and see if it turns on and runs a game.”

Customer: “I’m saying you don’t need to check it! Why would my grandson give me a broken game?!”

Me: “Well, then, you can’t trade it in, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine, go ahead! I’m sure it works!”

(I proceed to plug the system in, and it turns on, but the disc tray opens on its own and refuses to close unless I force it closed while the power is off.)

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t take this system. The disc tray doesn’t stay closed and–”

(Suddenly, the woman ripped the cords out of the test TV and outlet, picked up the Xbox, and stormed out. While the door was still open, she smacked a young man standing outside the door in the back of the head and screamed, “Stupid kid, making me look like a fool just so you could get rid of your d*** broken system!”)

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