How To Seize The Moment

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2010

(An elderly woman is having a seizure and obviously 911 has been called to the scene.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but when can I get my prescription?”

Me: “Ma’am, this woman is having a seizure and needs medical attention right away.”

Customer: “But I was here before her!”


This story is part of our Epilepsy roundup.

Read the next Epilepsy roundup story!

Read the Epilepsy roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,000

Animal Planet After Hours

, , , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Manager: “Hi, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

Manager: “Um… bestiality.”

(The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
3,590

Posthumous Post-modernism

, , , , | Right | February 21, 2010

Customer: “Can you help me find a book?”

Me: “Sure! What are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s called The Scarlet Thread.”

Me: “I haven’t heard of that one. Let me look it up really quick.”

Customer: “It’s by Jane Austen, if that helps.”

Me: “Um, I don’t think it is.”

Customer: “No, it’s by Jane Austen.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m pretty sure Jane Austen never wrote a book called The Scarlet Thread.”

Customer: “Oh, well, you probably haven’t heard of it because I think it’s one of her new books.”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

1 Thumbs
4,542

Messianic Rejects

, , , | Right | February 18, 2010

(I check in families to our kids’ program. An older woman approaches me with her two grandkids. I give her the form to fill out).

Me:  “Oh, ma’am, could I get your birthday? You left that line blank.”

Grandmother: “No.”

Me: “But, ma’am, we need that to identify you as an adult. We can’t enter you into the computer without that information.”

Grandmother: “Would Jesus have to give his birthday?”

1 Thumbs
2,426

Blind To Reason

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2010

(A customer walks in with a small dog in her purse.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss, but you can’t have your dog in here. You’ll need to leave it in your car.”

Customer: “Why? Chanel is my baby! There is no way I could leave her in my car!”

Me: “Miss, having your dog in here is unsanitary. She has to go back into your car before you can shop.”

Customer: “That is so dumb! Let me speak to your manager!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

Customer: “This girl says I can’t have my dog in here! But I totally should be allowed to. Babies are allowed in, and Chanel is my baby!”

Manager: “Babies are a different story, miss.”

Customer: “My dog could die if I leave her in the car!”

(A clearly blind man now comes in with his seeing-eye dog.)

Customer: “You let that guy with his dog in! This is sexual discrimination!”

Manager: “Miss, that man is blind. We can’t tell him to leave his dog outside.”

Customer: “So, only blind people can have their dogs in the store?”

Manager: “That’s right.”

(The customer leaves, and my manager disappears. 10 minutes later, the customer returns. She is wearing sunglasses and has her dog on a leash.)

Me: “Miss, I’ve already told you this. You need to leave your dog in your car.”

Customer: “But I’m blind and this is my seeing dog!”

Me: “You weren’t blind ten minutes ago, and you aren’t blind now. Please leave, or I will have you escorted out.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll shop somewhere else! God, you people are so dumb!”


This story is part of our crazy pet owner roundup!

Read the next crazy pet owner roundup story!

Read the crazy pet owner roundup!

1 Thumbs
5,738