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Pissy Comitatus

, , , | Right | April 5, 2010

(While waiting for his appointment, a client abruptly gets up and leaves. When he returns, he is furious.)

Client: “Why do you lock people out of your bathrooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have a key here. I’m happy to give it to you. The building keeps the restrooms locked so that people can’t walk in off the street and use them.”

Client: “Well, what good does that do me now? I thought I wasn’t allowed in, so I had to pee in the parking lot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you peed in the parking lot?”

Client: “You people left me no choice!”

Reality Bites, And So Do Customers

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2010

(I work at a historical site of the civil war, dressing and acting as if we were still in that time period)

Tourist: “Is that fire real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Is the water you’re drinking real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Are your clothes real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Are you real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “This place isn’t very interesting.”


This story is part of the American States roundup!

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What’s In A Name

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell Christmas trees?”

Me: “Yes, we do, in the Garden Center.”

Customer: “Thanks…”

(A few minutes later, the customer returns.)

Customer: “I can’t seem to find them.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll show you where they are.”

(I lead her to the Garden Center and point out the section dedicated to the trees.)

Me: “They’re right there, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, you’re wrong. Those are evergreens! I want a Christmas tree!”

Me: “Ma’am, evergreens are Christmas trees.”

Customer: “No, they’re different! I want a Christmas tree, not some stupid evergreen!”

Me: “Ma’am, they are the same.”

Customer: “No, they are not! Christmas trees stay green all year round, and evergreens lose their leaves!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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How To Seize The Moment

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2010

(An elderly woman is having a seizure and obviously 911 has been called to the scene.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but when can I get my prescription?”

Me: “Ma’am, this woman is having a seizure and needs medical attention right away.”

Customer: “But I was here before her!”


This story is part of our Epilepsy roundup.

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Animal Planet After Hours

, , , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Manager: “Hi, ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

Manager: “Um… bestiality.”

(The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

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