Pot Calling The Kettle…

, , , | Working | September 19, 2017

(We’ve had a new water boiler added to the kitchen at work.)

Supervisor: “I don’t like the idea of those boilers. It’s just the thought of heating water that’s been sitting there all night.”

(…then turns the kettle on, filled with water that’s been sitting there all night.)

A Fallen Branch

, , , , | Working | September 18, 2017

(There has been a lot of anxiety in my office that our branch is in trouble. One of the vice presidents from the United States decides to pay us a visit to address our concerns.)

Vice President: “There is absolutely nothing to be worried about! Your branch is a valued member of the company. Here, I’ll show you. Here’s an organizational chart showing all of the branches.”

(We all stare at the chart and look at each other in disbelief. The vice president, not noticing anything wrong, beams at us. Finally, someone puts up his hand.)

Employee: “Um, Ms. [Vice President], our branch isn’t on that chart.”

Vice President: “What? Of course it is!”

Several Employees: “Really? Where is it, then?”

Vice President: “It’s right… um… oh.” *puts chart away, changes the subject*

(The branch closed several years later, putting a lot of people out of work.)

Your Dealing With The Safe Is Not Safe

, , , , | Working | September 18, 2017

(We have to work a late night, so we decide to have some food delivered to our office for our staff.)

Me: *grabbing my purse* “How much do you need towards the food?”

Manager: “No, you paid last time; this time it’s my treat.”

(The next morning, it’s my manager’s day off, and I am supposed to be in charge, but the manager comes in to finish up some projects. I do the daily safe check and find it’s short by $100. I usually do this at the end of the day, but have decided to do it at the beginning.)

Me: “Ah, there’s a problem. I just counted the safe three times and it’s $100 short.”

Manager: *sly grin* “Oh. yeah, I used it to pay for the food last night… is that all right?”

Me: “Uh… no. You know [Security] is coming in today and will probably do an audit.”

Manager: “Well, I don’t have it; I’ll go to the bank after I leave.”

(Another manager and I had to empty our wallets to make up the missing money. If I hadn’t caught it, there would have been a chance of the other manager and I being fired and charged with theft. We made the first manager pay us back.)

Email Fail, Part 13

, , , , | Working | September 17, 2017

Me: “Hey, [IT Guy], I had to change my password to log onto my computer yesterday, and, like an idiot, I forgot what I changed it to today, and I am locked out. Can you fix it for me?”

IT Guy: “Sure.”

(Twenty minutes later…)

Me: “So… how’s it going?”

IT Guy: “Oh, yeah, I sent you an email.”

Me: “…My email is on my computer. The computer I am currently locked out of.”

Lola Is Genderfluid

, , , , , | Working | September 15, 2017

(I am in the break room and [Coworker] comes in for something.)

Coworker: “Oh, hey, [My Name], my new neighbor knows you.”

Me: “Oh, yeah? Who is it?”

Coworker: “Uh…” *looking at his phone for the name* “Uh. His naaaame iiiissss…” *dragging out the words while he searches*

Me: *singing* “Lola! He was a showgirl, with colored feathers in his hair.”

Coworker: *joining in* “And a dress cut down to there!”

Other Coworker: *walking in* “You people are weird.”

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