Totally Bugging Out

| USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(For the last few minutes, I’ve noticed people acting strangely towards me.)

Customer: “Hello-”

Me: “Hello, what can I do for you?” *smile*

Customer: *eyes bug out* “Um. Ah. Never mind.” *practically runs*

(I take out a small mirror to inspect my face, thinking I have some food for lunch left on it. Nothing. Bemused, I shrug and continue what I’m doing.)

Customer: “Hello, may I get a printout of my account?”

Me: “Of course, ma’am.”

(The customer eyes me weirdly, but I ignore the look. Then as I look down to type, I notice something MOVING on my shirt. It’s a beetle, as black as my shirt. I’m deathly afraid of bugs.)

Me: “Ahhh! Help! Help! Ahhh!”

(The customer and my coworkers stared as I frantically jumped around, swiping at the front of my shirt. The manager came out to see what I was screaming about, and I finally got it off. To this day since then, people call me the Bug-Brained Boy!)

Zip In And Zit Out

| KS, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I’m in the office when a woman and her two children, a boy and girl, come in. The girl is here for a background check so she can work at a local grocer. The woman and her son take a seat in the small waiting area, which is pretty much in front of my desk. As I begin typing the information, I overhear this.)

Woman: “Honey, what’s that on your nose?”

Son: “I dunno, a bump?”

Woman: “It’s a zit! Here, let me squeeze it.”

Son: “What! No, the last time you did, blood came out!”

Woman: “Just hold still. Let me pop it.”

(At this point, I’m typing frantically, not wanting them to stay here any longer than they have to. The girl acts nonchalant about the whole thing, pretty much ignoring them.)

Son: “But it hurts! And what if pus comes out?”

Woman: “It ain’t gonna hurt you; it’s just yellow stuff. Now, hold still…”

Me: “Ma’am, we have a bathroom right up the stairs behind you.”

Woman: “Oh, thanks, honey!”

(I handed the girl her paperwork, and they headed upstairs to the bathroom. It’s a one-person bathroom, but all three fit in at the same time. However, they decided to keep the door open so the WHOLE BUILDING heard their dialogue on popping the boy’s zit. When they left, I saw the boy with a huge crater on his nose and pus leaking out. This was probably the grossest thing I’ve ever had to witness!)

The Power To End This Call

| USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Technology

(After a expletive-laced tantrum on the phone about an issue I resolved, I’m still being screamed at by this jerk, for no reason. Finally I have had enough.)

Caller: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO THE F*** I AM?!”

Me: “Sorry to interrupt your tirade, sir, but I just need to verify a few details.”

Caller: “Okay, what?!”

Me: “Your name is [Caller], you live at [Address], your phone number is [number], your wife’s phone number is [number], your birthdate is [date], you work at [Business,] your mother’s maiden name is [Name], and your social security number is [number], correct?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you know who I am?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “I’m the girl who makes eight bucks an hour to put up with the likes of you. I can ruin your life, and have another job making eight bucks an hour tomorrow. I suggest that you speak to me like a big boy. Now, is there anything else I can help you with, Mr. [social security number]?”

Caller: “No. I’m sure you are not allowed to tell people to f*** off, so I’m just gonna do it myself.”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Have a great day.”