Goes Against My Code

| RI, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(I write code for very high end automation systems. This is a drawn out process that has me sitting on my laptop in a customer’s space for long periods of time.)

Customer: “So, did you go to school for this?”

Me: “Yes, I did, but it is very specialized training.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you must be very good with computers.”

Me: “I am, yes.”

(It’s at this point I know what is coming and it has happened on a few occasions.)

Customer: “My computer there is running very slow. I have fast Internet; do you know why it could be slow?”

Me: *looking at older laptop* “I’m not sure. It could be a virus, some malware, there are a bunch of things it could be.”

Customer: “Oh. Could you fix it?”

Me: “I could, yes, but it’s not within the scope of the job. I’m here to do this.”

Customer: *now frustrated* “Well, I figured while you were just sitting there you could push a button and fix my computer…”

What The Flux Capacitor!

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Time

(I work doing PC and electronic maintenance at a large company. I am called into an office to check out a malfunctioning label maker.)

Me: “So, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “It isn’t working; I can’t get it to print.”

(I take a look at the document and print out the labels effortlessly.)

Me: “Seems to be working fine.”

Customer: “Well, it wasn’t working yesterday when I needed it.”

Me: “I see. You might have just needed a simple restart. It seems to be working now. Is there anything else you need.”

Customer: “Well, why wasn’t it working yesterday?”

Me: “I can’t be sure since it seems to be working now. Unless you were doing something different?”

Customer: “No, but I needed it to work yesterday.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t fix it yesterday.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t have a time machine.”

Can’t Transfer Through Their Thick Skull

| Rogue River, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(I am the receptionist for a company that sells moisture meters. When a customer calls, they get an automated message saying the name of the company and what we offer before they reach me.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi, I have a tree in my front yard that I need removed.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I believe you have the wrong number. We offer moisture meters for wood and concrete here.”

Caller: “Okay. Well can’t you just transfer me to someone who can help?”

Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t have anyone here that can help you. You’ll have to call a different company.”

Caller: “Okay. But can’t you just TRANSFER me to someone who can help.”

Me: “I don’t have any way of doing that.”

Caller: “Well, I have a tree in my yard that I need to have removed. Who do I need to call?”

Me: “I’m not sure because we sell moisture meters for wood and concrete here.”

Caller: “Well, do you know of a company that I can call?”

(Obviously this lady doesn’t understand that she’s called a business and I’m getting nowhere so I change the approach.)

Me: “Where are you located?”

Caller: *some city far away from where I am*

Me: “Okay, we’re located in Rogue River, Oregon, and I’m not familiar with your town so I don’t know who to direct you to.”

Caller: “OKAY. But can’t you just TRANSFER me to someone who can?!”

Me: “Ma’am. I am the receptionist for a company that sells moisture meters. I am not an operator that can direct you to any other number.”

Caller: “Ohhhhhhhhh. Okay. So then transfer me to the operator. Thank you!”

Unable To See Shades Of Grey

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I’ve been a digital designer for quite a while now and surprisingly have little to no issue with customers. This particular customer had been extremely pleasant up until I was finalizing their product.)

Me: “All right, so, here’s the finished product! As soon as payment is sent, I can—”

Customer: “No. No, no, no!”

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “The grey! The grey is way too grey! It was fine before. What did you do?!”

Me: “Sir, I can assure you that between coloring the lines and now, I have not changed the colors.”

Customer: “You made the grey much too grey! Fix it!”

(I work for around 30 minutes using various saturation and colors to make it less “grey” for the customer. I eventually got frustrated and accidentally sent them the first image I had shown them on accident.)

Me: *realizing what I have done* “Oh, pardon me, sir, I think I sent you—”

Customer: “Yes! Perfect! This is what I wanted! Was that so hard?!”

Me: “Yes… Of course, sir.”

(He sent the payment and was perfectly happy with his “altered” product!)

Memories Of Happier Christmases

| USA | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

Me: *answering the phone* “Happy Holidays. Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “How many times a day do you have to say that? Do you have a script or something in front of you?”

Me: “No, no script.”

Caller: “So you just have that memorized?”

Me: “Yep.”

Caller: “Wow!”

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