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When The Boob Tube Just Won’t Do

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2010

(I work at an office that has various different offices and two small studios for some of the graphic designers, movie editors, and musicians that work with us. I work as one of the tech support guys and am fixing the computer at the reception desk when a teenager walks in.)

Customer: “Hey, do you work here?”

Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

Customer: “So what do you guys do here?”

Me: “Well, everyone here does something different. I happen to be tech support.”

Customer: “Cool. Do they make movies here?”

Me: “I’m not sure. They might.”

Customer: “Right on. Do you know what kind?”

Me: “Well, they have a green screen so I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Do you know if they make any adult movies here?”

Me: “Like I said, I’m not sure. I’m not sure what they do in the studios.”

Customer: “Can I take a tour?”

Me: “Look, I’m the tech support guy.. I’m not authorized to give you a tour.”

Customer: “Come on. I’ll give you $5!”

Me: “I’m not going to risk my job over $5.”

Customer: “I swear, people like you make it hard for people like me to see boobies!”

Third Time Is Not Charming

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2010

(I work in a ground-level office, and I am usually the only one working within view of both the front and back doors.)

Customer: *coming in from the back hallway* “Hello, I’m here for my appointment.”

Me: “With who?”

Customer: “With [Employee].”

Me: “I think you’re in the wrong office.”

Customer: “Oh, terribly sorry.”

(The customer goes back down to the back door and reappears from the front door a few minutes later.)

Customer: “Hello, I’m here to see [Employee] for my appointment?”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the same office. You have to go down the stairs in the parking lot to get to [Company]. They’re on the basement level.”

Customer: “Oh! That explains it, thank you!”

(The customer heads out the front door again but wanders back down the back hallway almost immediately.)

Me: “Still in the wrong place, ma’am. You need to go downstairs.”

Customer: *scowling and glaring* “You’re much less polite than the other two boys!”

This story is part of our lost customer roundup!

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Wrong Said Fred

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2010

Me: “May I help you?”

Caller: “Please put me through to [Owner].”

Me: “Sure, who’s calling, please?”

Caller: “His cousin Fred.”

Me: “I didn’t know he had a cousin Fred.”

Caller: “Why would you? You just answer phones! This is a family affair and none of your business! Who do you think you are, anyway?”

Me: “[Owner]’s daughter.” *click*

This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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Caught In Your Own Conundrum

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

(The mortgage company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

Caller: “Good!”

Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then they hang up*

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Now Hiring: Paramarketers

, , | Right | January 7, 2010

(I work as a receptionist at my father’s company. I had a brother who passed away before I was born.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to speak to [Owner].”

Me: “All right, sir, what’s your name and purpose of your call?”

Customer: “Oh, he knows me. I’m his son.”

Me: “Michael? You’re alive!”

Customer: *click*

This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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