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Oh Romeo, Where-fired Art Thou

| Working | February 9, 2013

(I just started a new job and everyone tells me about “Romeo,” a real ladies’ man around the office. He makes sexual advances towards me. I decline but he is very insistent.)

Romeo: “So, [my name], you wanna go it to my place tonight?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Romeo: “Why not?!”

Me: “I don’t like mixing business with work.”

Romeo: “You’re boring. Okay then…”

(A few months pass…)

Romeo: “I got a new girlfriend.”

Me: “Congratulations!”

Romeo: “Yeah, she and I…”

(He starts recanting all they have done together intimately in graphic detail.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Okay…”

Romeo: “Don’t believe me? I’ll bring her by sometime.”

Me: “That’s okay…”

(Next day, he brings a girl.)

Romeo: “Hey [my name]! This is my girl.”

Me: “Nice to meet you.”

Romeo: “I bet you wish you were her right now!”

(Unbelievably, they start engaging in heavy PDA with the girl right on my desk, complete with groping, spit swapping, tongues, and nearly undressing.)

Me:  “Uh, could you not do that here? I’m trying to work.”

Romeo: “You’re just jealous!”

(He doesn’t stop, and proceeds to have nearly have sex with her in front of everyone. I run and go to the boss’s office and tell him what’s happening.)

Boss: *laughs* “Oh, so he finally got a girl, eh? Atta boy. Don’t worry, just ignore it. That’s just the way he is.”

Me: “…”

(I quit soon after that, and filed sexual harassment charges against the company. Turns out, Romeo was the owner’s son!)

Saving Us From Ourselves

| Working | February 7, 2013

(I’m interviewing for a front desk position with an office. This is shortly after the economic crash of 2008.)

Interviewer: “You have some experience, that’s fine. I see here that you haven’t been working for a month. Tell me, how did you support yourself?”

Me: “With my savings.”

Interviewer: “Savings?”

Me:  “Yes.”

(The interviewer remains speechless, so I decide to elaborate.)

Me: “Savings. You know… the money I’ve saved up?”

Interviewer: “…I see. Now, uh… from where did you get these, uh ‘savings’?”

Me: “…From my previous jobs?”

Interviewer: “But from WHERE did you get these ‘savings?'”

Me: “From working. Why is that strange?”

Interviewer: “Yes, it is strange!”

(He kept asking me over and over where did I get my savings. Finally he told me to fill out an application and left. I left.)

Mail Disorder

| Right | February 5, 2013

(The office where I work is fairly small, which results in me overhearing the receptionists’ half of the phone conversations with some of our clients.)

Coworker: “[Office’s name], how can I help you?”

(The client talks, coworker answers the usual questions.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I understand that but we can’t open your mail to check it for you.”

(The client continues talking.)

Coworker: “Yes, but as I said earlier, we can’t open your mail to check. It’s best that you get a P.O. box.”

(The client is talking again and is apparently upset, as the coworker has a frustrated/annoyed look on her face.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you’ve called us many times in the past before, and we’ve said it many times before. We really recommend you to get a P.O. box, because we legally can not open your mail to check.”

(Eventually, the client hangs up.)

Me: “Not the first time?”

Coworker: “Won’t be the last.”

Hear No Evil, Rear No Evil

| Working | January 28, 2013

(Per my recommendation, my boss has hired my friend, who I am dating, to set up an office for a relocation. Note: my friend is fairly thin, petite, and looks like a pin-up girl, but is a lot stronger than she looks. My boss also hasn’t met my friend in person yet, so mistakenly thinks she’s a man. It’s the day of the review and my boss, a coworker and I are waiting on the freight elevator to tour the office.)

Boss: “Wow, [my name], your friend did a nice job. What’s his name again?”

Me: “Um, sir, [name] is—”

(At that moment, the freight lift door opens and my friend walks off, pushing a cart with a heavy-looking desk on it.)

Boss: “Who the h*** are you?”

My Friend: “Oh, I’m [name]. Nice to meet you, sir.” *to me* “Hi, [my name].”

Boss: “Oh dear. Oh this will never do. That’s much to heavy for a tiny thing like you.”

My Friend: “It’s not that heavy.” *continues to push the desk* “Be right back, then.”

(As she pushes the desk down the hallway away from us, my coworker checks her rear end out.)

Coworker: “That girl has a nice a**.” *to us* “Who wants to take the bet that I can get the b**** to go out with me?”

(I actually have a date with her that night, so I laugh.)

Me: “I wouldn’t take that bet on any regard…”

(When my friend finally returns, my coworker tries to grab her a**. However, she pinches his wrist and makes him yelp.)

Coworker: “Ow! Hey what’s your problem, man? God!”

My Friend: “The b**** has ears.”

Mission: Imbossible

| Working | January 24, 2013

(I am working for the corporate end of a popular building and home supply store chain. We’ve just gotten a new manager, and I’m being bombarded with work with impossible deadlines. One Friday my boss, the new manager, approaches me.)

Boss: “So, I have these files that need to be typed up, formatted, printed, and binded in several copies by Monday.”

Me: “It’s Friday; how am I to do this without working overtime?”

(Note: I’ve been forced to work overtime several weeks in a row and reprimanded for it because of the cost to the company.)

Boss: “Well, that’s not my problem. You should know how to do this. You’re the one with the most experience. I want this on my desk Monday.”

(Sure enough, I spend all of Saturday and Sunday, working until midnight both nights. By the time I get the work done and put it on my boss’s desk Monday morning, I’m exhausted and stressed out. Not surprisingly, my boss doesn’t show up until noon time.)

Boss: “Oh, you actually got it done.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I had to stay here until midnight to do it, but it’s done and should be all in order.”

Boss: *bursts into laughter* “You actually stayed here until midnight? You’re stupid!”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Boss: “There would be no way I would’ve done that much overtime for this. We didn’t even need it until Thursday of this week anyway. It could have waited!”

(Needless to say, not long after, I had to quit under a doctor’s advisement because my blood pressure had skyrocketed.)