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Badly In Love

| Romantic | November 15, 2012

(I am divorced, and wish to remarry. My new fiancé and I are at the register office, declaring our intent to marry. As part of this, we have to answer certain legal questions – including whether my previous marriage ended because of divorce, or because of death.)

Superintendant registrar: *to my fiancé* “And how did [my name]’s previous marriage end?”

Fiancé: “Badly.”

About To Become A Twi-fight

| Working | November 14, 2012

(One day, I hear raised voices coming from my boss’s office. It’s my boss and another manager. Note: both are “macho” guys and let everyone know it.)

My Boss: “…but it makes no sense for her to go back to Edward! He was no good for her!”

Manager: “But Jacob is too manipulative! He’s hidden a lot from her, and I don’t think Bella should be with someone who doesn’t deal straight with her!”

(I ran to my desk so I could have a good, hard laugh at the macho men fighting over Twilight!)

So Much For That Customer Relation-ship

| Working | November 9, 2012

(My family owns a construction company which I work for. One day, I receive a call from someone trying to sell us IT support.)

Caller: “Hi, I would like to speak to your managing director, please.”

Me: “Hi, could I ask what the call is regarding please?”

Caller: “I just need to speak with him. Put me through.”

Me: “I’m afraid that unless I can tell him what the call is regarding, he will not take it.”

Caller: “Look, I don’t need to justify myself to some receptionist. Just tell your managing director that I need to speak to him.”

Me: “Sir, I cannot put your call through unless you tell me who you are and what the call is regarding. I’m sorry, it’s part of my job to screen the calls.”

Caller: “I want to speak to him about his company’s IT support. Now, will you just put me through? This is f***ing ridiculous!”

Me: “Thank you so much for your cooperation, I will put you through to my brother, the managing director, right now.”

Caller: “…Oh. I see… umm, thanks very much.”

(Needless to say, his pitch didn’t go down too well with the boss!)

Something Obviously Isn’t Clicking

| Working | November 8, 2012

(Note: I am going out on maternity leave and am training my temp replacement on my job, which will involve light office admin work. The temp in question claims she has a lot of internet experience.)

Me: “Okay, they just sent us a link to this equipment and the boss approved it, so we need to buy it.”

Temp: “Okay, so what do I do?”

Me: “Um, you just click on the link in the email. That will take you directly to the exact item they want.”

Temp: “So, do I have to google it?”

Me: “Uh, no. Just click here.”

Temp: *clicks it* “Now what?”

Me: “Okay, he says they need four of these.”

Temp: “Okay, so what do I do?”

Me: *getting worried* “You enter ‘4’ in the quantity then click ‘Purchase’.”

Temp: “Where is ‘Purchase’?”

Me: “…It’s that big button that says ‘Purchase’.”

(The temp looks over the entire screen, completely missing the giant Purchase button. Instead, she clicks on a tiny little link at the bottom of the page that leads to the service agreement. The service agreement notification window opens. She stares at it for a minute and I assume she’s just being extra cautious or something and reading it over first.)

Temp: “Okay, so now what?”

Me: “What do you mean, now what? Close the box and click ‘Purchase’.”

Temp: “But it didn’t work.”

Me: “You didn’t click ‘Purchase’. You clicked on the service terms, so now you need to close that window and click ‘Purchase’.”

(She closes both the service window AND the website window, leaving just the email with the link up. I assumed it was a mis-click, but then…)

Temp: “So, now what do I do?”

Me: “What? Seriously? You shut down the page, so you have to open it again. Click on the link.”


Me: “Look, just trust me.” *I begin pointing* “Click here. Enter ‘4’ here. Click ‘Purchase’ here. Okay, now enter the credit card number. Okay, now click ‘Buy Now’.”

Temp: “You just click it like that?”

Me: “Yes. And see? There’s your receipt.”

Temp: “Oh, wow, that is scary!”

(If I wasn’t going to pop out a kid any second, I would have told her to leave, but we were out of time. Thankfully it was only for 8 weeks, and my coworkers were never happier to see me when I came back!)

Answering Her Own Calling

| Right | November 6, 2012

(I am an office manager for a window cleaning company. I schedule appointments for customers. When we perform a cleaning, the customer receives an invoice. This invoice has their name, address, and phone number on it, as well as the charges.)

Me: “Window cleaning, how can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to schedule an appointment. I’ve been trying to call you for over an hour and the phone is always busy. What have you been doing?”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. The phone shouldn’t be busy. We have several different lines all attached to our number so the answering machine or myself should have picked up.”

Caller: “Well, you didn’t, and I’m very upset. I’ve been a customer with you for years. My name is [name].”

(I pull up her file so I can see all her info, including her phone number.)

Me: “Okay. I am really sorry about that. Can I ask what number you dialed?”

Caller: *lists her phone number, not ours* “I’ve been calling it, and calling it. It’s on my invoice so it has to be the right phone number! When I kept getting the busy signal, I finally tried the number at the top of the invoice, under your company name!”

(Apparently, the customer was dialing her own phone number for over an hour and never realized it!)