(I brought doughnuts to the office. I made a note on the box that one particular doughnut had been set aside for a specific individual, but the rest were up for grabs.)

Coworker #1: “What is this? Why does [Coworker #2] get her own special doughnut?”

Me: “She specifically asked for that. I didn’t know what everyone else liked, so I brought an assortment for us to choose from.”

Coworker #1: *now pouting* “But that’s the only doughnut that looks good!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Next time I get doughnuts, I’ll make sure that I get you one of those as well, but today it’s just for [Coworker #2]. I’m sure one of the other eleven doughnuts would be just as good. This shop is known for their delicious doughnuts!”

Coworker #1: “Hmph.”

(Coworker #1 proceeded to take a bite out of a doughnut, loudly declared that she didn’t like it, and put the remainder of the doughnut out on the table. I left it there, and not unlike a small toddler, she returned to finish her food after her “audience” left and stopped paying attention to her.)

(My colleague finishes his phone call with a confused look on his face. He then gets up and looks out of the window, searching the sky.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Colleague: “Looking for those flying pigs.”

Me: *confused*

Colleague: “[Rude Coworker] said ‘please.’”

(I got up and joined him in looking.)

(Three of us, all female, are sitting in an office when our boss, male, comes in. He has eaten a bunch of candies including chocolate-covered cinnamon bears. He looks out the window and sees a truck pulling into our parking lot…)

Boss: *license plate on truck says BUNT* “Hey, what’s the first thing you think of when you see BUNT?”

Me, Coworker #1 and Coworker #2: *awkwardly stare at each other*

Boss: “BUNDT… CAKE.”

Coworker #1: “That’s definitely not the word we were thinking of…”

(Coworker #2 and I nod in agreement.)

(I’ve just bought a soda from the vending machine in the break room and can’t open it. I’m female.)

Me: *handing drink to my male friend* “Be a man.”

Friend: *stands up singing* “We must be swift as a coursing river! With all the force of a great typhoon!”

Me: *laughing* “With all the strength of a raging fire! Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!”

Friend: *opens my soda with a flourish and sits down as if nothing has happened*

(I work doing PC and electronic maintenance at a large company. I am called into an office to check out a malfunctioning label maker.)

Me: “So, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “It isn’t working; I can’t get it to print.”

(I take a look at the document and print out the labels effortlessly.)

Me: “Seems to be working fine.”

Customer: “Well, it wasn’t working yesterday when I needed it.”

Me: “I see. You might have just needed a simple restart. It seems to be working now. Is there anything else you need.”

Customer: “Well, why wasn’t it working yesterday?”

Me: “I can’t be sure since it seems to be working now. Unless you were doing something different?”

Customer: “No, but I needed it to work yesterday.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I can’t fix it yesterday.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t have a time machine.”