(One of my coworkers was going to England and insisted we tell her what souvenirs we would get. When she gets back she puts our boss’ one on her desk and comes to chat to me.)

Me: “Thanks for the Doctor Who toy. It’ll go great in my collection…”

Boss: *running down the hall, waving her gift in her hands* “Oh, my gosh! Thank you so much for the panties. They’re perfect. They feel great!” *leaves*

Me: “Um…”

Coworker: “It’s what she wanted. It could be worse. At first I thought she was going to be modelling them when she came in.”

Coworker #1: “We can’t recycle this, can we?”

Coworker #2: “We’re not supposed to recycle cardboard, but that’s thin enough that we throw it in, anyway.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, I see. Does anybody follow the rules around here?”

Coworker #2: “I laugh in the face of your recycling rules!”

Coworker #1: “First, it’s this. Next, it’ll be money laundering, and then setting stuff on fire.”

Me: “I love that that’s his levels of moral degradation.”

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(A couple coworkers have just been talking about Dr. Seuss. The conversation changes and I mention that I consider myself a geek.)

Coworker #1: “What? You’re not a geek.”

Me: “What, just because I’m not wearing my Doctor Who shirt?… Actually, I have TWO Doctor Who t-shirts.”

Coworker #2: “Doctor Seuss?”

Me: “No… Doctor Who.”

Coworker #1: “What’s that?”

Me: “Only one of the longest-running sci-fi shows ever! It’s a British show that started in 1963, went off the air in 1989, then the series was revived in 2005 and is still going!”

Coworker #2: “Never heard of it. I’ll have to check it out.”

Me: “You’ve heard of Star Trek, right?”

Coworker #1: “Yes.”

Me: “Star Wars?”

Coworker #1: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, that’s something…”

Coworker: *continuing from a conversation about martial arts* “Perhaps you should look into going to some classes. Karate, for example, if you don’t mind getting thrown down a lot. Plus it’s usually just once or twice a week.”

Me: *mishearing the “plus it’s usually” part* “Prostitution, or once or twice a week?”

Coworker: “What?”

(She explains and we both start laughing.)

Me: “What, you’ve never heard of the time-honoured custom of prostitution in karate?”

Caller: “Hello. I’m trying to plan for the upcoming holidays, and I don’t have a calendar. I need to know what day of the week Easter Sunday is on this year.”

Me: *thinking she was looking for the date* “It’s on April 8th.”

Caller: “I know the DATE, but what day of the WEEK is it?”

Me: “What day of the week is Easter SUNDAY?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Is that a trick question, ma’am?”

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