(I’ve gotten a call back from a company I submitted my resume to. They leave a message asking me to call back and arrange an interview.)

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to schedule an interview for the position you were advertising.”

Receptionist: “Ah, yes you’ll be wanting to speak with [Name]. Just a moment…”

(I wait to be transferred, but instead the line goes dead. I call the company back.)

Me: “Hello, it’s [My Name]. I think we got disconnected.”

Receptionist: “Oh, well let me try that again.”

(I promptly hear the click of her hanging up and then nothing. I call back a third time, but this time the receptionist says…)

Receptionist: “Hey, umm, if I read the model of my desk phone off to you, do you think you could look it up online and find out how to transfer calls?”

(Ten people in middle management have been laid off and their jobs outsourced to an overseas office. The rest of us are understandably nervous about our jobs, so our boss calls a meeting.)

Boss: “The decision was made just five days ago, so there was no way to predict it.”

Me: “But we had been hearing there were people in the overseas office being trained for these positions two months ago.”

Boss: “They were for other positions, and they had to be re-tasked to the jobs of the people that just got fired.”

Me: “So, you miraculously had the exact number of people being trained for ‘other positions’ as the number of people who were fired yesterday?”

Boss: “Actually, we had more…”

(After seeing our shocked faces, our boss realises what he’s said.)

Boss: “…Well, that’s the situation. If you don’t like it, you know where the door is!”

(I’m in my supervisor’s office discussing a computer issue when he interrupts me to show me a photograph he took of a vintage wood paneled station wagon.)

Me: “That looks nice.”

Supervisor: “Think the other guys want to see it?”

Me: “Sure, why not.”

(The supervisor yells out into the work area.)

Supervisor: “Hey, any of you guys want to see my woody?”

From the work area: “Not in a million years!”

Coworker: “What state is VT?”

Me: “Uh… Vermont.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yeah. What did you think it was?”

Coworker: “I thought it was a city. Where is Vermont?”

Me: “In the New England area.”

Coworker: “New England?! Where is that?!”

Me: “You know; the area with Massachusetts, New Hampshire, etc…”

Coworker: “Oh… where did you learn that?”

Me: *laughing* “Uh… sixth grade geography.”

(Because I am laughing, my coworker thinks I am messing with her, so she checks ‘New England, USA’ online.)

Coworker: “Oh! New England Patriots! I get it!”

(This story takes place when iGoogle is still active. I come in to work one morning to see my computer has contracted a virus. Following company protocol, I call the IT department to fix it. The IT technician comes down to my computer, and I start showing the problem.)

Technician: “Whoa! Stop right there! What’s that?”

Me: “That’s just iGoogle.”

Technician: “STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER NOW!”

Me: “What? What? What’s going on?”

Technician: “I’ve never seen a virus do this before.”

Me: “What’s it doing?”

Technician: “Somehow, the virus has hacked your browser, and it’s directing you to its own Google knock-off called ‘iGoogle.'”

Me: “No. What iGoogle is—”

Technician: “Don’t panic, sir! I’ve got this completely under control. You’d better go get a coffee or something; this could take me a few hours. Wow, seeing a virus direct you away from Google like that. This is something new…”

(Confused, I walk away and let the technician get to work. A few hours later, I return to a very exhausted IT guy.)

Technician: “It took some doing, but your computer doesn’t direct to iGoogle anymore! What I had to do was create a completely new user account, and transfer all your information into the new user account! Hopefully, the virus is contained in the old user account!”

Me: “Why didn’t you just run the anti-virus software?”

Technician: “The what now?”