Get Her A Triforce Captain America Shield, Held By Jack Skellington

, , , , | Working | September 27, 2017

(It is just before Christmas. Our office is small and has a Secret Santa every year. [Coworker #2] and I have similar nerdy interests, but [Coworker #1] does not.)

Coworker #1: “I don’t know what to get [Coworker #2]. You like the same kinds of things she does. Any ideas?”

Me: “She likes Zelda and Nightmare Before Christmas and Avengers; you could try going to [Alternative Store #1] or [Alternative Store #2].”

Coworker #1: “I don’t know what any of those words you just said mean.”

Me: “Well, she also likes Harry Potter. You could get her something from that. I think her house is Ravenclaw.”

Coworker #1: “Now you’re just making words up.”

The Road To A Write-Up Is Paved With Good Intentions

, , , , , | Right | September 27, 2017

(I work for a company responsible for getting manufactured items to the end users. [Customer #1] sends out a group email with a number of people involved, including others within her company and a number of people at my company.)

Customer #1: “Hello, [Customer #2]! Please give me the status of order number [number]. This is an extremely important order and I need an update as soon as possible.”

(I see the email, and knowing that [Customer #2] won’t be in the office for another hour or so, I go ahead and answer the email, replying to all.)

Me: “Hello, [Customer #1]! We actually finished processing that order last night, and you will have it today by noon. Please let me know if you have any other questions.”

(You might think that would be the end of the story. Oh, no. [Customer #2] called my manager’s manager to ream me out for making her look bad. She insisted that I should be suspended without pay because I had responded to an email that was addressed to her. Never mind the fact that the only way she would have gotten this information would have been to contact me, have me look it up and then respond to [Customer 1]. It didn’t matter that by the time [Customer #1] would have gotten that answer, the shipment would have already delivered. This has been the only time I’ve ever been written up for providing good customer service.)

Need To Reset The Staff

, , , | Working | September 25, 2017

(My employer has decided to improve [read: ridiculously complicate] our IT systems by adding several additional features, all of which require a new password. Along with our standard login password, we now have three more to remember. Due to the nature of my work, however, I only care to remember my main login, due it renewing every 90 days. I’m having latency issues with my PC to the point that I have to stop typing every couple of seconds to allow the computer to catch up. I don’t have the privileges to try and fix it myself, so have to go through IT. The email they previously used to help has been replaced with one of said systems, and having forgotten the password, I call the help desk to get it reset.)

IT: “Ticket number?”

Me: “Hi, I don’t have one. I just need my help desk password reset so I—”

IT: “Without a ticket, I’m not permitted to help you. Please log into the help desk and launch a ticket.”

Me: “I will, but I need to reset the password bec—” *click*

(I phone back and get the same woman. I try, desperately, to explain the situation.)

IT: “I hate you non-IT types. Looks like I’ll have to talk you through it STEP BY STEP! LOOK FOR A BLUE—”

Me: I’m already on the help desk login page.”


Me: “Already there.”

(This continues, as she methodically goes through the entire process of launching a ticket, while failing to notice me saying, “I need my password reset,” after she finishes every sentence. It eventually goes quiet for about a minute.)

IT: “You managed it?”

Me: “I’m still at the login screen…”

IT: *whispers* “For f***’s sake…” *shouts* “LOOK FOR A—”

Me: “Can I ask you a question?”

IT: *caught off guard* “Ugh, okay?”

Me: “What did I call you for?”

IT: “…”

Me: “Well?”

IT: “Umm…” *paper rustling* “…a password reset?”

Me: “Exactly.”

IT: “You need to launch a— WAIT! You want to reset your password?”

Me: “YES!”

IT: “What’s your email address?”

(She got the password reset, and I launched a ticket for my actual issue. Thankfully it wasn’t assigned to her and a new PC was sent out to me. Overall, I was on that last call with her for about half an hour. If only she was paying attention.)

Turned Into A Corny Story

, , , , , | Working | September 22, 2017

I was listening to music while eating candy corn. It was a slow day, and my boss was incessantly interrupting me to talk about video games. Thinking his interruptions were about work, I kept having to take an ear-bud out and then put it back in.

Finally, after being interrupted too many times, I ended up putting a candy corn in my ear and trying to eat one of my headphone ear-buds.

I thought to myself, “Why does this candy corn taste like earwax and failure?”


, , , , | Working | September 21, 2017

(During the start of the day, I tell my coworkers that my son passed his driver’s permit test yesterday, and we joke about staying off the road for a while. Later in the morning, we have a tornado drill, which consists of a computerized voice broadcasting the alarm over the intercom, over and over again.)

Alarm Voice: “Attention, attention. A tornado warning has been issued. Please proceed to the appropriate shelter area…” *repeating over and over again*

(We proceed to the shelter areas, and I stand there, listening to this voice over and over again.)

Coworker: *from down the hall* “Attention, attention. [My Name]’s son has been issued a driver’s permit. Please proceed to the appropriate shelter area…” *repeating over and over again*

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