Can’t Quit On A Quitter

| Denver, CO, USA | Working | April 27, 2017

(I am one of three assistant directors in an office overseeing about 20 staff with one lead director overseeing us. We have a very high turnover rate as a result of the company being notorious for how poorly they treat their employees at all levels. I’ve been looking for a new job since almost immediately after starting there. I go to an interview right after work one day and am hired on the spot. I feel bad about leaving my boss without notice but don’t want to pass up the opportunity. I call my lead director to let her know.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], I wanted to let you know I was offered another job that starts Monday so today was my last day.”

Boss: “That’s great! I’m glad you found something! You’re gonna have to e-mail the corporate office, though. I quit two hours ago.”

Jimi Versus Joe

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Working | April 27, 2017

(My name is Joe.)

Coworker: “Hey, Joe… Say, have you ever heard the Jimi Hendrix song, “Hey J…””

Me: “YEEEEEES!”

Coworker: “Oh… a little too often then, I take it.”

Your Behavior Is Not Permissible

| Nacogdoches, TX, USA | Working | April 27, 2017

(We have a pushy sales guy who works for Local Phone Book Company who has requested coming in to talk with my boss about the company ads. When he comes in for his appointment with my boss, he talks constantly to me, whether I’m on the phone with a client or doing my other work. As it is, I’m barely responding to him. He goes to his appointment only to come back 30 minutes later.)

Salesperson: “Hey, so your boss said he wants to get that website done up through us. Do you have permission to give your business information to me?”

(He means authorization, but didn’t ask that. I do have permission to give our business information out as is needed, but not authorization, as I’m the receptionist for the company)

Me: “Yes? However I’m busy. I’m sure [Boss] or his assistant can give you that information.”

Salesperson: “Oh, yeah, they had to deal with something and got busy. Can you give the information to my associate on the phone?”

Me: “I can’t. My job is to answer our phones.”

(He shoves his cell into my hand anyway, and I’m such a pushover that I talk with the person on the phone until our office phone rings.)

Me: “I need to take this. You need to take your phone back and wait for [Boss].”

(I have only just answered my phone and am talking to the client when the salesperson shoves his phone back into my hand yet again. I tell the same thing to the person on the phone that I do to him: I’m busy answering phones and he’ll have to wait for the boss. Again, he talks to the person on the other line and shoves the phone into my hand a third time.)

Me: “One moment, [Client]. I need to talk with the assistant.”

Salesperson: “Oh, she’s busy! She said she can’t talk.”

Me: *buzzing boss’s assistant* “I apologize, but are you busy? I’m trying to answer phones and [Salesperson] is needing information for the company’s new website?

Assistant: “WHAT?! He’s still here?” *she hurries to my office* “Hi, [Salesperson]. I hate to remind you of this, but [Boss] said he would think about it. He never confirmed he wanted to sign up.”

Sales: “When I talked to him, he said it sounded like a nice idea-”

Assistant: “Yes, he said it sounded nice, but not that he was signing up. Neither [My Name] or I have authorization to sign him up, either. Either he does the signing up, or it doesn’t happen. And since he didn’t sign up for it, he clearly doesn’t want it. Thank you.”

Salesperson: *throws his cell and some books into his briefcase, being as loud as he can be while I’m on the phone with my client; I finally put my client on hold until he leaves* “I wasted all that time! She could have told me she doesn’t have authorization!”

Me: “You didn’t ask if I had authorization. You asked if I had permission. That’s two very different things.”

Salesperson: “You won’t get as good of a deal next time for that website-”

Assistant: “I’m sure we won’t. However, our answer is still no. I’d apologize for wasting your time, but what you did was underhanded and you know it. We’ll be calling to have another sales rep handle our business.”

(Worst part is that he’d come in to have our boss sign the ad renewals for the phone books, and he’d never brought the ad print outs like requested.)

His Application Was Like A Slap In The Face

| England, UK | Working | April 27, 2017

(I am in the reception while our usual receptionist is on leave. There is a small window against the wall opposite the main entrance to the building, so we can see if anyone is coming in. Half of it is sliding glass which I have left open to create a breeze. I hear someone come into the building and look through the window. A man comes up and glares at me through the glass.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

(He continues to glare. I assume he’s waiting for someone and get on my work, but when I notice he hasn’t moved and still glaring I turn my back to him. He then screams.)

Man: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO OPEN THE WINDOW AND F**KING TALK TO ME?!”

(I spin around, but before I can say anything a manager, whose office has full view of the entrance, speaks up.)

Manager: “Move over to the right, just a smidgen.”

(The man does as he is told and jumps back when he realises there isn’t glass there.)

Manager: “There you go! That wasn’t hard was it?”

(The man glares at the manager before telling me he is here for an interview. He also whispers that the manager is a b***h who should get slapped.)

Me: *sarcastically* “I’ll take that under advisement. Okay, Mr [Man], for a senior safety advisor position?”

(He nods.)

Me: *loudly* “If you’ll just wait, I’ll go and tell the ‘b***h’ you’re here, and I’ll give her a slap, too, just for good measure.”

(I see him blush as I leave the room, stand right next to him and shout.)

Me: “B***H, YOUR 12 O’CLOCK IS HERE! DO YOU WANT YOUR SLAP NOW OR LATER?”

(He goes into her office and you can feel the tension emanating from the room. About five minutes later he flies past the window mumbling thanks. The manager follows.)

Manager: *handing me his CV* “Could you shred this for me, please?”

Me: “No chance?”

Manager: “Well, you can’t expect a ‘b****’ to take on every man who suggests they need a good slapping. At least he attempted a half-a**ed apology, before suggesting he could take on my role when I decide to ‘pop one out.’”

(Some of us men just don’t know when to shut up.)

They Better Not Go Pop

| Woburn, MA, USA | Working | April 25, 2017

(My boss has just gone on paternity leave, so my coworkers and I are signing a card.)

Me: “Congrats on creating life! Have fun with the little one!”

(I then draw some balloons in the corner. Just as I’m handing the card to the next coworker, I notice something and snatch it back.)

Coworker: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *frantically adding smiley faces and hearts to the balloons* “Protip: don’t draw balloons on baby cards. They look way too much like sperm.”

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