(Our office building is dog friendly. There’s a dog in the office across from ours is known for being very skittish. A coworker comes out into the hallway to find me scratching the dog’s head.)
Coworker: “Why does he love you? He never lets me pet him!”
Me: “Well, a dog like him needs a bit of coaxing. I’ve taken the time to get him to trust me.”
Coworker: “You give him treats, don’t you?”
Me: “Yeah…”
(My coworker is chatting with our boss across the way from me and I overhear this gem:)
Coworker: “…all I’m saying, these Italian women: WHOA. CRAZY. Stay away from them, seriously. All of them are crazy.”
Me: “Ahem?” *I cross my arms and stare at him in fake annoyance* “What are you trying to say?”
Coworker: “What? You’re not Italian.”
Me: “Half on my mother’s side. Are you saying I’m half crazy?”
Coworker: “Nah, I mean… I just… You know what I mean. I was just kidding!”
(As I get back to work, my coworker starts up again:)
Coworker: “…and I’m not looking forward to St Patrick’s Day this year. The bar is going to be a mess. Everyone who’s even a little Irish takes that as an excuse to drink and cause trouble—“
Me: “Ahem.”
Coworker: “What?”
Boss: “You’re forgetting her last name is [Common Irish Surname].”
Coworker: “Well, s***, you’re just out to gyp me out of every stereotype that is still politically correct to make fun of!”
Me: “Ahem.”
Coworker: “What?”
Me: “You can’t say ‘gyp.’ My great-grandmother was Romani.”
Coworker: “DUDE.”
(My supervisor is getting ready to go on maternity leave, and today is her last day. Maternity leave is six months. My supervisor is a real stickler for details.)
Me: “Well, goodbye, and good luck! Gee, I can’t believe I won’t see you again for six months.”
Supervisor: “FOR THE LAST TIME, IT’S NOT SIX MONTHS! IT’S 26 WEEKS! God, why can’t you people get a simple fact straight?”
Me: “Uh, sorry.” *walks away, then suddenly thinks* “Wait a minute!”
(When my then-boyfriend, now-husband were dating, he sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses for our first Valentine’s Day. They were delivered to my office, and this happened.)
Coworker: “Nice flowers.”
Me: “Thanks!”
Coworker: “You know… [Other Coworker] didn’t get any flowers for Valentine’s Day. She hinted and hinted, but her husband didn’t send her any.”
Me: “Oh. That’s too bad.”
Coworker: “So…” *gives me expectant look*
Me: “Yes…?”
Coworker: “So, you should give her some of yours.”
Me: “What? I’m not going to do that.”
Coworker: “Why not? You’ve got so many! You won’t miss them, and they’ll make her happy.”
Me: “Because they’re MY flowers. If you want her to have some, buy her some yourself.”
Coworker: “I can’t believe you’re being so selfish!”
(This is the 80s, and my first real job in an office.)
Boss: “Please make me 7 copies of this document.”
(I go and do that.)
Boss: “Great, now please fax them to these 7 people.”
Me: “What do you want me to do with these after I fax them? Should I file them in each recipient’s file? These are not people we would normally have files on…”
Boss: “No, just throw them away. I just needed them faxed to those people.”
Me: “Then why didn’t I just fax the original to each of them?”
Boss: “…That was dumb of me, wasn’t it?”
