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Some Bosses Are More Memorable Than Others

| Working | February 15, 2013

(My boss is notorious for not listening and not retaining new information.)

Me: “I’m gonna take my lunch now, okay?”

Boss: “Okay.”

(Five minutes later, I’m in the middle of a sandwich and have my headphones on when my boss approaches.)

Boss: “Can you get me this file?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I hand him the file, but only a few seconds later…)

Boss: “Why are you giving me this?”

Me: “You just asked for it. We’re working on it.”

Boss: “So, take it back.”

Me: “Okay…”

Boss: “So, are you on lunch?”

Me: “Yes. I told you that.”

Boss: “Then why are you working?!”

Me: *frustrated* “Because I love my job, boss! Because I love my job!”

Boss: “Okay, so eat.” *leaves*

Coworker: “That’s going on NotAlwaysWorking.com, isn’t it?”

Me: “Oh yeah.”

Hopefully, They Get Reception In Heaven

| Working | February 13, 2013

(My grandfather has recently passed away, so my father sends me to cancel his satellite TV contract.)

Me: “I’m here to cancel this contract. It was my grandfather’s and he passed away.”

Employee: “Don’t you want to keep it?”

Me: “No, he passed away and his home is for sale.”

(I hand him the death certificate.)

Employee: “I can offer you a 50% discount for the next six months if you keep the contract.”

Me: “What part of my grandfather being dead did you not understand?”

Oh Romeo, Where-fired Art Thou

| Working | February 9, 2013

(I just started a new job and everyone tells me about “Romeo,” a real ladies’ man around the office. He makes sexual advances towards me. I decline but he is very insistent.)

Romeo: “So, [my name], you wanna go it to my place tonight?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

Romeo: “Why not?!”

Me: “I don’t like mixing business with work.”

Romeo: “You’re boring. Okay then…”

(A few months pass…)

Romeo: “I got a new girlfriend.”

Me: “Congratulations!”

Romeo: “Yeah, she and I…”

(He starts recanting all they have done together intimately in graphic detail.)

Me: *uncomfortable* “Okay…”

Romeo: “Don’t believe me? I’ll bring her by sometime.”

Me: “That’s okay…”

(Next day, he brings a girl.)

Romeo: “Hey [my name]! This is my girl.”

Me: “Nice to meet you.”

Romeo: “I bet you wish you were her right now!”

(Unbelievably, they start engaging in heavy PDA with the girl right on my desk, complete with groping, spit swapping, tongues, and nearly undressing.)

Me:  “Uh, could you not do that here? I’m trying to work.”

Romeo: “You’re just jealous!”

(He doesn’t stop, and proceeds to have nearly have sex with her in front of everyone. I run and go to the boss’s office and tell him what’s happening.)

Boss: *laughs* “Oh, so he finally got a girl, eh? Atta boy. Don’t worry, just ignore it. That’s just the way he is.”

Me: “…”

(I quit soon after that, and filed sexual harassment charges against the company. Turns out, Romeo was the owner’s son!)

Saving Us From Ourselves

| Working | February 7, 2013

(I’m interviewing for a front desk position with an office. This is shortly after the economic crash of 2008.)

Interviewer: “You have some experience, that’s fine. I see here that you haven’t been working for a month. Tell me, how did you support yourself?”

Me: “With my savings.”

Interviewer: “Savings?”

Me:  “Yes.”

(The interviewer remains speechless, so I decide to elaborate.)

Me: “Savings. You know… the money I’ve saved up?”

Interviewer: “…I see. Now, uh… from where did you get these, uh ‘savings’?”

Me: “…From my previous jobs?”

Interviewer: “But from WHERE did you get these ‘savings?'”

Me: “From working. Why is that strange?”

Interviewer: “Yes, it is strange!”

(He kept asking me over and over where did I get my savings. Finally he told me to fill out an application and left. I left.)

Mail Disorder

| Right | February 5, 2013

(The office where I work is fairly small, which results in me overhearing the receptionists’ half of the phone conversations with some of our clients.)

Coworker: “[Office’s name], how can I help you?”

(The client talks, coworker answers the usual questions.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I understand that but we can’t open your mail to check it for you.”

(The client continues talking.)

Coworker: “Yes, but as I said earlier, we can’t open your mail to check. It’s best that you get a P.O. box.”

(The client is talking again and is apparently upset, as the coworker has a frustrated/annoyed look on her face.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you’ve called us many times in the past before, and we’ve said it many times before. We really recommend you to get a P.O. box, because we legally can not open your mail to check.”

(Eventually, the client hangs up.)

Me: “Not the first time?”

Coworker: “Won’t be the last.”