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You Know Nothing, Of Jon Snow

, , | Working | September 23, 2013

(I work in an office, and am the only person who’s a bit of a geek. Today I am wearing a t-shirt that spells ‘COEXIST’ using ‘Game Of Thrones’ family sigils. There is a popular shirt design out that also spells ‘COEXIST,’ but using religious symbols.)

Coworker: “Oh! I love those shirts! Such a great message!”

Me: “Oh, totally. I really love the concept.”

Coworker: “One thing, though; I don’t recognize the symbols. What religions are they from?”

Me: “Oh, they aren’t religious symbols. They’re sigils from Game Of Thrones.”

Coworker: “What? That’s silly; why would someone make a shirt for that? Why would sigils need to coexist? They’re some secret cult symbols, aren’t they?!”

Me: “No, they are from the series. The sigils represent different important families in the books and show, and they do not get along. I can show you some screen caps to prove it if you’d like.”

Coworker: “You just don’t want me knowing about your secret religions. I’m pretty sure you’re making this up as a cover up!”


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Putting The Gas Into Gastronomic

| Working | September 22, 2013

(Several of us are in the lunch room when we hear a coworker yelling in the hallway outside.)

Coworker #1: “You guys are all gross!”

(Coworker #1 comes into the lunch room.)

Coworker #2: “Hey, [Coworker #1], what’s up?”

Coworker #1: “Those guys are gross! You know what they’re doing? They’re trying to guess what each other had for breakfast!”

Coworker #2: “So what?”

Coworker #1: “No, they’re burping, and smelling each other’s burps!”

Meeting Can Be Sluggish

, | Working | September 21, 2013

(Our company is an educational publisher, and I am on a team that develops content for biology. The following occurs during a regular team meeting.)

Manager: “Where is [artist]? We invited him to the meeting right?”

Me: “I don’t know, but he’s probably somewhere drawing some snails for me.”

Manager: “Okay, so he’s just slow.”

Coworker #1: “D*** that guy; retreating into his shell.”

Me: “He’s such a slime-ball.”

Coworker #1: “That got salty fast.”

I’m A Lumberjack And I’m Alright…

| Working | September 11, 2013

(My coworker and I are talking on Skype, and the conversation turns to gender. We are both female.)

Coworker: “I watched a science show about genetics or something. Anyway, there was a portion that was saying that the Y chromosome is slowly dying out, and eventually there will only be us ladies left. It was interesting.”

Me: “Yay, extinction!”

Coworker: “But by the time this happens, like in thousands of years, we’ll probably have developed a ‘Brave New World’ type existence, and all procreation will be done in a lab. So, no dudes needed? Yay?”

Me: “But… I like dudes. They have beards and they smell nice and they look good in flannel shirts.”

Coworker: “Agreed… luckily, I will be long gone by then. Unless I’m time-traveling.”

Me: “A world without lumberjacks is a world I don’t care to inhabit.”

Beauty And The Beast

| Romantic | September 4, 2013

(My coworker is a really beautiful twenty-something, so she always has the male coworkers chasing after her, even the married ones, and she’s married herself. She’s really smart and down to earth, and her job is very difficult, but she does it well. She’s always teaming up with the boss. One day the boss’s wife comes in.)

Boss’s Wife: “I’m looking for my husband, [boss’s name.]”

Coworker: “Oh, he should be in his office; shall I call him?”

Boss’s Wife: “Yes.”

(Just then, the boss comes over.)

Boss: *nervously* “Oh, hi dear!”

Boss’s Wife: “Hi.” * to beautiful coworker* “I don’t think we’ve met; what’s your name?”

Coworker: *holds out hand* “It’s [name]; nice to meet—”

Boss’s Wife: *to boss* “[Name]? This is [name]?!”

Boss: “Er…”

Boss’s Wife: “You said she was a 49-year-old hag!”

(We all watch, stifling laughter, as the boss’s wife chases him around the office, bopping him on the head with a rolled up paper!)