(This event takes place late on a Friday afternoon.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]”

Caller: “Hello, it’s [Client]. Can I speak to [Coworker #1]?”

Me: “Certainly, [Client]. One moment please.” *calls Coworker #1*

Coworker #?: *fast-paced, high-pitched fake voice* “Hello, [My Name]!”

Me: *completely thrown* “Is [Coworker #1] there…?”

Coworker #?: *fast-paced, high-pitched fake voice* “Yes, this is [Coworker #1], ready to take your call!”

Me: *laughs uncontrollably*

Coworker #2: *normal voice, laughing* “Here he is.”

Coworker #1: “Hi. Who’s calling me?”

Me: *still laughing*

(I was waiting to talk to woman selling car insurance when I overheard her receiving a VIN number over the phone.)

Woman: “Now was that ‘G’ as in George or ‘J’ as in Giraffe?”

(I’ve been coughing, sneezing, and sniffling a lot the past few days. It’s only sinus drainage, so I’m not contagious, but one of my coworkers is a bit of a germaphobe.)

Coworker: “Um… do you mind stepping back a little, please?”

Me: “Would you like a hug?”

Coworker: “GET OUT OF HERE!”

(I work for a company that stores and processes information for certain Medicaid plans. One of the plans is in New Mexico. We use the United States Postal Service website to verify members’ addresses that are not showing valid in our systems. A coworker is asking me a question about our New Mexico plan.)

Me: “All right, so their address isn’t valid in the system. You’ll need to look it up online to see what it should be.”

Coworker: “Is there a website we can use like [Other Plan]?”

Me: “Yeah… You need to use USPS, same as the other plans.”

Coworker: “We can use that even in New Mexico?”

Me: “[Coworker], what does ‘USPS’ stand for?”

Coworker: “Oh! Yeah, I forgot New Mexico was part of the US.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: “Because I don’t like Mexico.”

(I sit through a long and boring “vision” meeting where various executives explain that because our company has “an organizational budget shortfall,” we are facing cuts in staffing and benefits. At the same time, we are spending untold thousands of dollars on a rebranding initiative. I manage not to make any comments that would get me fired, but I am seething. Then I find a way to calm my nerves and get revenge. After the meeting ends, I approach the boss.)

Me: “[CEO], can I ask a favor?”

CEO: “Um, sure, what can I do for you?”

Me: “I normally send an overnight package to [Coworker] in the central office every week. But since there are a lot of people here today who will be back at the central office tomorrow, it seems like a poor use of our resources to have UPS deliver it. Could you give this to [Coworker] when you get there tomorrow?

CEO: “Um, okay.”

(I may have lost my health plan, but the CEO is my errand boy!)