(I walk into the break room one morning to fill my coffee cup. Coworker is preparing a fresh pot of coffee. She empties a bag of regular coffee grounds into the basket, then puts an orange decaf pot under it. The regular pot is sitting a foot further away. Coworker just grabbed the closest one.)

Me: “Hey, that’s regular coffee. You need to use a regular black pot.”

Coworker: *laughing* “Oh, it doesn’t matter! Do those wimpy decaf drinkers good to wake ’em up a little!”

Me: *swapping in the correct pot, then dumping and washing out the decaf pot* “How do you know that none of our coworkers has coronary issues and isn’t allowed to have caffeine? Or whether it could trigger a migraine for someone? Would you like to be responsible for someone ending up in the hospital or dead from drinking that?”

Coworker: *alternating between shocked and huffy* “What? Well, but… but… nobody told me!”

Me: “Nobody should have to, because other people’s health issues are no one else’s business. The orange isn’t a fashion statement; it’s a warning. Messing with people’s food and drink isn’t a joke.”

(I finished getting my (caffeinated) coffee and went back to my desk, while Coworker kept repeating “Nobody told me!” Note that I’m not in HR, nor do I have food allergies. I just really have a problem with people risking someone else’s health and well-being because they’re lazy or because they think it’s funny.)

(I get a call from one of my payroll clients and the following conversation occurs:)

Client: “Hi, we have a new employee who just started today and asked for an advance. I don’t want to give him an advance. What should I do?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to give him an advance. You’re the employer. You can just tell him that he’ll have to wait until payday next week.”

Client: “I mean, is there any way I could maybe just cut him a check today for roughly the amount of one day’s work, and then you can take that amount out of his pay next week?”

Me: *pause* “Yes… we can do that.”

Client: “Oh, ok, great! So what is that called?”

Me: “An advance.”

(A telemarketer talked a colleague into putting him through to our boss.)

Boss: *genuinely friendly and polite* “I have to apologize for my employee. She is new and didn’t know that it is our business policy not to do business with you.”

(Pause.)

Boss: *still friendly and polite* “The last time somebody from your company called us, they lied and tried to sell us things we don’t need. So, have a nice day and never call here again.”

(I answer the phone in our office as part of my daily duties. Every once in a while, we get a call in this vein:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Office], a part of [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know who you think you are, b****!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO GET WITH MY MAN?!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You might have a wrong number. This is an [Office] agency. We sell and administer insurance products from [Company].”

Caller: “Oh, don’t give me that s***. You’re trying to mess with my man. This number comes up on his call list every day for a week. Sometimes more than once! Who are you, and what are you doing with my man?”

Me: “Well, does he have one of our products? Perhaps we’re working with him regarding his coverage.”

Caller: “No! I know you’re just trying to steal my man! And if you call him again, I will find you!”

Me: “We are located on [Street]. Look for the [Company] sign that says [Office]. We sell coverage for homes and vehicles, as well as life and financial products.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(My boss, a person with a Master’s degree, is writing an article for a professional publication, and despite the fact that I am just the receptionist, he asks me to proofread it for him because his assistant has the day off. It’s a good article about something I agree with, so I’m happy to help out with making sure it’s right. I find a problem almost immediately.)

Me: “I don’t think you meant to say ‘bereft’ in this sentence. Is there a word you would prefer in this spot?”

Boss: “Yes, I did! I said it’s bereft with dishonest people, as in there are too many of them! Don’t tell me what I mean.”

Me: “Okay…”

(I don’t really know what to say because he’s wrong, but he’s also yelling, and he isn’t known for changing his mind or listening to reason.)

Boss: *looks at the article, then back at me* “Why? What does ‘bereft’ mean?”

Me: *taken aback* “It means deprived or lacking, so the sentence actually says that we’re lacking dishonest people.”

Boss: “Oh. Well, that’s not what I mean at all. I mean there’s too many of them.”

Me: “So… we’re rife with dishonest people.”

Boss: “Yes… change it to that.”

(He went into his office and told Siri to define “rife.”)