Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

It Costs Nothing To Mind Your Own Business

, , , , , | Working | January 6, 2022

[Coworker] is a nosy woman; she’s always in other people’s business. Most people accept it, but it annoys me no end.

I have a couple of VIPs visiting. [Coworker] has been bugging me for information for weeks, despite it having nothing to do with her.

The morning of the visit:

Coworker: “Oh, I booked meeting room one for you.”

Me: “You had it booked? I was trying to book that for weeks!”

Coworker: “Well, now you don’t have to, and I got lunches ordered.”

Me: “Err, why did you order lunch?”

Coworker: “A ‘thank you’ is more normal.”

Me: “Sorry, thank you. But why did you order lunch? Did you get approval? You don’t even know allergies.”

Coworker: “Well, no, but guests always eat lunch. I paid and will claim it back.”

Me: “I would talk to [Manager] if I were you. Booking anything without authorisation might not get approved. Also, we aren’t staying for lunch. When I couldn’t book the room, we decided to take the VIPs to [Other Site]; we will eat there.”

Coworker: “Well, you could take the food with you!”

Me: “We booked tables days ago. You should have said something.”

Or just kept your nose out and let me do my job.

Coworker: “Well, what am I supposed to do with fifty sandwiches?”

Me: “Talk to [Manager]. I can’t make use of them, sorry.”

[Coworker] ran off to argue with the manager, who told her that she shouldn’t be booking things without authorisation or even talking to others and that she was lucky she had paid her own money or she would be getting a write-up for spending company money.

Apparently, [Coworker] tried selling the sandwiches in the break room but took the majority home with her.

Maybe If You Focused On Your Job You Wouldn’t Need The Money?

, , , , | Working | January 6, 2022

[Coworker] hustled me out of some money last year. She made a stained glass effect painting with my name on it — apparently, I said I like stained glass? — handed it to me, and then asked for a “donation” to cover the costs. I was unprepared and too put upon to say no.

She tried it again, this time with food. She baked some passable savouries and only mentioned the price after people picked them up. It’s like everything she does comes at a cost. She once charged a coworker a few pence for a cup of tea because she used her teabags (not the company-provided free ones) when she offered to make drinks.

I keep well away from her, and I don’t take anything from her.

One morning, she comes in with a covered pot and walks straight to me.

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name]. I made you some food for your trip this weekend.”

I don’t know how she knows about it; I don’t even talk to her.

Me: “Oh, really? You didn’t have to.”

Coworker: “It’s chicken wings in BBQ sauce.”

My trip is to a well-known fishing resort; however. I don’t fish and will be staying at the all-inclusive resort, so they are useless to me.

Me: “They look… lovely…. but I’m a vegetarian; I can’t eat these.”

Coworker: “What? You’re eating meat now.”

Me: “No, look. It’s the vegetarian version. See?”

Coworker: “Well, maybe you could take them for your fishing buddies; they would appreciate them.”

Me: “Oh, it’s just me and my wife going.” *Quickly* “She’s vegetarian, too.”

Coworker: “Well, I can’t eat it. I don’t even like chicken. I paid a lot for all the ingredients. I need the money back!”

She looks at me expectantly, the pot still aimed at me.

Me: “Sorry I can’t be more help. Why don’t you put them in the break room?”

Coworker: “No, Human Resources told me I couldn’t sell my food in there anymore or they would write me up.”

Get the hint, [Coworker]!

She stood around for a while before eventually leaving.

Coworker #2: “How long have you been vegetarian?”

Me: “Since yesterday when the shop only had vegetarian sandwiches left. But seriously, did you see that chicken? Scrawny, cheap stuff.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, I bought some food off her last month. Wasn’t even cooked properly.”

We mentioned it to HR, but as she said she was only going to ask for “donations,” she wasn’t technically breaking any rules. They still told her to pack it in, but not before she tried again by making me a salad that was mostly onion. I politely refused.

You’ve Soiled Coworker Relations Here

, , , , | Working | January 4, 2022

I’m at work eating a homemade trail mix; it’s a bit of a treat, full of dried fruit, nuts, dark chocolate, and cereal.

Coworker: “Oh, lots of fructose in that!”

Me: *Joking* “Probably what makes it taste so good.”

Coworker: “No, seriously, don’t you know fructose is bad for you? You shouldn’t eat that!”

Me: “Err, I’m pretty sure I’m fine with eating it, thank you. I don’t need dietary advice from you.”

Coworker: *Huffs* “You don’t have to be rude about it!”

I manage to make myself feel bad about it but put it out of my mind. She will probably make another complaint, but until then, I enjoy my snack.

The next week, I bring more in but don’t get around to eating it right away. Luckily, when I do, I spot something odd in the mix: brown, soft, and odorless. It takes me a few minutes to release that it’s soil! And the only person with a plant on her desk is [Coworker].

I march right over to her.

Me: “I know what you did and I’m going to make you pay for it.”

Coworker: “Prove it!”

Me: “I don’t need to; there’s a camera right there! And as soon as [Manager] gets back, I’m reporting you!”

She went pale and begged me to reconsider. When the manager came back, she rushed in before me and tried to say that it was a friendly prank “gone wrong,” but I made it clear that it was malicious and could be treated as poisoning, especially if there was plant food in the soil.

It all got escalated to Human Resources, and she was given a final written warning and had her desk moved out of the office.

That was a bit of a shame as she will probably never realise that there was no camera, only one of those alarm motion sensors.

Give Flowers To Your Coworkers Or You’re A Bully… We Guess

, , , , , | Working | January 4, 2022

My company does an awards-ceremony-type appreciation “event”, like a morale booster. Every quarter, they put out a bottle of (non-alcoholic) drink and some snacks and give out “funny” awards.

The trick to get out of it is to take a sneak peek at the human resources manager’s wall diary a few weeks before and schedule a customer visit. No matter how many times they reschedule it, I can still avoid it. (They haven’t figured it out yet!)

My coworker and I are outside on break, as are many others.

Coworker: “Hey, you missed the awards yesterday.”

Me: “I know, but you know, the customers come first, and they asked to see me. So what could I do?”

Coworker: “Oh, such bad luck. You won an award, by the way.”

Me: *Sarcastically* “Great. Cash prize, was it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, but I told them you would rather take the flowers.”

Like every other “prize” they give out.

Me: “Oh, you know me so well.”

Coworker: “I stuck them in water. You want them?”

Me: “Well, I could neglect them until they turn into potpourri. Or you can have them?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I already gave them to my wife. Thanks, by the way.”

Me: “Nothing says, ‘I love you,’ like a gift of flowers that you didn’t pay for.”

Coworker: *Joking* “Could you win another award in a few weeks? It’s her birthday.”

Me: “Such an old romantic. I—”

Before I can continue, I see [Coworker #2] rush in and toward the HR office. He is the same person who complained about me eating “foreign food” because it smelt too much (it was noodle soup) and that a charity collection shouldn’t be allowed because it wasn’t the corporate chosen one (it was for a coworker’s wife).

Me: “[Coworker #2] Cry Baby is causing issues again. If they ask you, tell them I told you to look after the flowers and we didn’t have this conversation.”

Coworker: “Come on. He isn’t going to complain about… Actually, yes, he probably is.”

And yes, we were pulled into HR with accusations of theft and bullying behaviour — also a new one: apparently using “triggering language” on purpose in front of [Coworker #2]. We denied everything, acted dumb, and stuck to our story. With absolutely no evidence, it went no further. 

Eventually, complaining about everything and everyone caught up to him. We got bought out and everyone had to reapply for their jobs; [Coworker #2] was the only one that wasn’t re-hired.

There’s Just No Accounting For Some People’s Attitudes

, , , , , , | Working | January 3, 2022

A few months after I start my first ever job — basically data entry, filing, and answering the phones in an accounts office — the finance director decides that she doesn’t like my phone answering manner. Rather than explaining this to me, she hires someone to work alongside me who has far more experience in the role.

This achieves nothing. The new hire is a grumpy woman who refuses to answer the phone, as the company is short of cash and almost every call is a supplier screaming for payment. I end up covering pretty much the whole role until a new accountant is taken on to replace the previous one, who had been driven into a nervous breakdown by the finance director disagreeing with everything she did. He is far more involved in the day-to-day running of the office, has a backbone, and makes sure to divide the tasks up in a more even manner.

However, rather than completing her share of the tasks, my colleague does the bits she is assigned directly by the finance director and ignores pretty much anything else. As a result, a moderately strange set of direct debits end up not being posted for months. A car manufacturer was taking the net cost of each car sold to us on a single direct debit and the total of all the VAT on all invoices for one day as another one. So, every day, you had one more debit than invoices from exactly seven days earlier. That’s slightly weird but not impossible to track, unless you are my colleague.

Eventually, my boss gives up on getting the finance director’s pet to do her job and asks me to work with him to process all these ignored payments. We work on it continuously, tracking down missing invoices, and we eventually get almost everything completed. The fun starts when, after nearly two days of doing someone else’s job, I return to my own desk, next to my grumpy colleague. 

The moment I enter the main accounts office, she starts screaming at me.

Grumpy Colleague: “Where have you been for two days?! How dare you leave me to answer the phones all alone?!”

You know, the job she was hired for in the first place.

I turn around, walk back into my boss’s office next door, where he is sitting perhaps ten feet away from the screaming. The two rooms are connected by an open window through which my grumpy colleague has been able to see me working on her job beside her direct boss for the past two days.

Me: “I’m going home, or I’ll do something I’ll regret.”

Boss: *Laughs* “Go ahead and leave for the day.”

As I was heading out the door, I heard him loudly asking my colleague to come into his office for a quick word. She pretty much never spoke to me again, something that was definitely a benefit.

The company went into receivership a few months later; the family owning it was still spending the money faster than it could generate it. Guess who was the first person the receivers let go, and who was the only person on the accounts team to be kept on by any of the companies that bought parts of the old business? My old boss eventually joined me, and I worked with him for another decade after that.