We’re Beginning To Worry About That Dog

, , , , , | Right | July 25, 2018

(A customer comes in to purchase a dog license for the year. When told she needs $10.00, she goes into the following rant:)

Customer: “I need money for my dog license? Ohhh, nooooo! Ohhhh, noooo! I forgot about that! You know what? The food industry is killing us. Prices are through the roof. We can’t afford anything anymore. It used to be the food industry. Now it’s politics. Who needs the chema-caca-whata-toli-osis-ium that they put in the food? Right? Who needs that? You know Hillary is gay, right? Whether or not you want to believe it, she is gay. You can see it in her haircut and what she wears. I’m going to vote for either Bernie or Trump, but I don’t know which is the lesser of two evils. One of them is going to be president. I just hope they fix this country. The food industry is out of control. I have to go get money for my dog licenses.”

Not On Fine Form Today

, , , | Legal | July 23, 2018

(Due to my income, age, and the fact that I’m studying full-time, I receive a small youth allowance from the government. As part of this, I also receive a concession card which, among other things, helps me receive cheaper train fares. I realise that this card is going to expire in only a couple of days, and I don’t want to be fined for travelling on the train with an expired card. I head down to the nearest office to sort this out. After queuing up for a while, I’m informed that I can renew my card online. I try this on the computers they have on hand, but for whatever reason, I am unable to access the form. No one seems to be able to work out why that is, so they offer to print one off for me to do manually. After waiting longer still, I finally receive the form.)

Staff Member #1: “Here you go. Quickly fill this out and hand it back in at the front desk and you should be good to go.”

(I begin filling it out, only to realise fast that there is no quickly filling this form in. It takes at least half an hour to fill in, plus requires me to attach various forms such as payslips and bank statements, none of which I have with me. As a result, I drive home again and spend the afternoon organising all of these things. I finally get it all together and, having now wasted far more of my afternoon than I had planned to, I return to the office and am made to wait again before I can see someone. After almost an hour of waiting, I’m called over and hand in my form.)

Staff Member #2: “This all looks in order. We’ll send it off to get verified.”

Me: “Do you have any idea how long this will take? It’s just that my card is going to expire in a couple of days. I left this a bit late.”

Staff Member #2: “No problem. I can organise a temporary one for you.”

(She opens up my file on her computer.)

Staff Member #2: “Oh, unfortunately I can’t do that until your current card expires.”

Me: “It expires the day after tomorrow. You can’t do anything?”

Staff Member #2: “Really? It says here that it expires in a year.”

Me: “Huh? That can’t be right.”

(I show her the expiry date on the card. Sure enough, it says it expires that week.)

Staff Member #2: “Well, it says January 2019 here. You must have already renewed it. Have you already filled out one of these forms recently?”

Me: “No, I only realised the card was expiring yesterday.”

Staff Member #2: “It must have automatically renewed. Your new card should arrive in the mail sometime soon. You can have this back ,too.”

(She handed back all the paperwork I’d spent the day organising. Turned out the reason that I couldn’t access the form online to begin with was that it had already been renewed, but rather than anyone realising that, I was made to waste my entire afternoon filling it out and finding the necessary forms to attach. When I finally got home, I checked the letterbox to see that my new card had arrived while I was out.)

I Swear It Wasn’t Me!

, , , , , | Working | July 23, 2018

(I work for a marketing agency which promotes magazines, etc. I have a colleague who is very hot-headed and lacks judgment.)

Colleague: *on an outbound call* “WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING HI TO ME? YOU MUST HAVE SAID IT SEVEN TIMES! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”

(Inevitably, a few seconds later I hear:)

Colleague: “WHAT ARE YOU SWEARING AT ME FOR?”

(And another few seconds:)

Colleague: “CALM DOWN; THERE’S NO NEED TO SWEAR!”


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Inbox Goes Outbox

, , , , , | Working | July 22, 2018

(I work for a third-party IT company, contracting as an onsite tech for a client. I’ve been frustrated with the job for a while and have finally found a new one. I’ve given notice to my boss, who has let the client know, and their HR person has put the notice in one of their weekly email updates. This situation proves that no one actually reads their emails. This is my last Thursday at the job. The next day, Friday, is my last day.)

Coworker #1: *is having some issues that require a lot of updates to be run* “Can you fix this next week? I’m leaving soon and won’t be back until Monday.”

Me: “I can put a note in your ticket and have one of the other techs check back with you, but tomorrow is my last day.”

Coworker #1: “What?! That’s not possible!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, it is. The email went out like a week and a half ago.”

Coworker #1: *looking between [Coworker #2] and me* “Why?”

Me: “Um, I got a new job?”

Coworker #1: “But who will I go to for help?”

(While this client does pay for onsite support, they’re not supposed to come directly to our desks for their initial help. Because of the contract, we have to track everything, so unless their machine is literally on fire, they’re supposed to submit a ticket. However, most of them basically refuse to do that for some reason. And we’re not allowed to tell them to go submit a ticket when they’re in our faces; we can do it if they email or instant-message us directly.)

Me: “Well, whoever might be sitting in the IT space. Or, you could submit a ticket.”

Coworker #1: “Oh. Well, you should have told me you were leaving!”

Coworker #2: *makes eye contact and rolls her eyes*

Engineering Fabrications

, , , , | Working | July 21, 2018

(At the office where I work, we have one engineer who, despite delivering good work, has a tendency to brag with obviously made-up stories to boost his ego. While this is tolerable — barely — after a while he starts to fabricate stories concerning clients and our business. One day I go to his desk to ask something and there is another worker sitting there.)

Me: “Hi. Where’s [Engineer]? Has he moved desks?”

Coworker: *laughing* “Sort of. You know his story about [Client]? How he cheated them out of a six-digit figure, and how [Boss] thanked him personally because we were on the verge of bankruptcy at that moment?”

Me: *sighs* “Yes, verbatim by now.”

Coworker: “Turns out he told that story to [Intern]…”

Me: “Wait… Isn’t [Intern]’s father working at [Client]?”

Coworker: *grinning* “Yep. [Boss] was able to limit the damage, but [Engineer] is no longer working here.”

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