(I was fired a few months ago by an employer, without warning. The office had a very negative vibe, with bullying from management. Less than two weeks later, I got a job in a bigger company through an agency. A month later, I receive a call during my lunch break.)

Me: “Hello?”

Team Leader: “Hi, [My Name], this is [Team Leader] from [Company].”

Me: “Oh… Hi.”

Team Leader: “I just wanted to talk to you about a review I saw on [Website]. I wanted to check whether you wrote it.”

(The website isn’t one I know.)

Me: “Sorry, no. It wasn’t me.”

Team Leader: “It’s just that if it was you, there’s allegations I’d like to discuss, about bullying and cliques within the company.”

Me: “Right… Well, like I said, it wasn’t me.”

Team Leader: “I haven’t told anyone about the review, you know. But it matches the time you worked here and was written the week after you were fired.”

Me: *losing patience* “I spent that week trying to find new work, not writing reviews. It wasn’t me. Please drop it.”

Team Leader: “But if it was, then—”

Me: “It wasn’t. And I’m really not interested in this. Goodbye.” *hangs up*

(I looked up the review later that day. The number of years worked and job title were completely different from my own. There were also another five scathing reviews, making six out of seven reviews one star.)

(Our job isn’t really rocket science, so my coworker and I often engage in small talk during work. Some of my hobbies are quite creative. I play alto saxophone in a harmony orchestra, and I am also a history reenactor. Both hobbies require a performance now and then. Every time I mention this coming up, the dialogue goes the same.)

Coworker: “Do you get paid for it?”

Me: “Erm, no?”

Coworker: “Then what’s the use of doing it?”

Me: “Ever heard of having fun?”

(The best part of it: [Coworker] doesn’t seem to have any hobbies at all, filling his free time with looking on the Internet, watching TV, “hanging out,” and “chilling.” Much more useful, of course.)

(I’m talking to [Coworker #1] about a recent road trip I took, and [Coworker #2] walks by mid-conversation. My coworkers tend to see me as a goody two-shoes, mostly because I can’t drink due to a medical condition.)

Me: “So, when I stopped, the pot fell out of the back of my car, and—”

Coworker #2: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What?”

Me: *realizing how that sounded* “Oh! No, it was my grandma’s pot.”

Coworker #2: *gaping in shock*

Me: “I’m really not making this any better, am I?”

Coworker #1: “No, you’re not, honey.”

Me: “What I meant to say was that the hand-me-down saucepan from my grandma fell out of the back of my trunk, because things shifted around during the drive, and it broke.”

Coworker #2: “Oh, that makes so much more sense! I can’t even imagine you smoking pot.”

(I am currently transitioning out of my training class at the call center where I work, along with a handful of other people. This afternoon, my team lead is going over some information with us. Afterwards, we get this gem:)

Team Leader: “So, now that we’ve talked about it, what do you think is most important: knowledge, skill, or attitude?”

Us: “All of them.”

Team Leader: “Wrong! It’s all of them!”

Us: “…”

Team Leader: “I trained you too well.”

(One of my coworkers, [Coworker #1], has had to go home. She walks past us in tears.)

Coworker #2: “I’m going to run after [Coworker #1] to make sure she’s okay.”

([Coworker #2] is back a few minutes later. She doesn’t look worried; in fact, she just rolls her eyes and shakes her head.)

Me: “What was wrong?”

Coworker #2: “Remember when [Coworker #1] told us that she and [Husband] had decided to start trying for a baby, so she was going to stop taking the pill?”

Me: “Yes, it was just a few days ago.”

Coworker #2: “Well, she got her period today and is now upset because she didn’t fall pregnant right away.”