(My company manufactures office furniture, and I field a lot of questions from customers who have been browsing our website. We have online distributors, but we also sell direct to the end user, so prices are shown on the website. We still get calls inquiring about prices pretty often, though. I missed a call while at lunch, and the customer left a voicemail asking for a follow-up call for a price quote. I call back.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company], returning your call. I understand you were looking for a price quote. By chance, did you write down the part number, or the collection the item was from?”

Customer: “No, but it was $300.”

Me: “Oh, so, you found it after you called, then?”

Customer: “No, I had already looked it up when I called.”

Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Nope. Have a good day!”

(All right, then.)

(Our company is looking to hire a marketer to handle two separate projects, to come up with good strategies and put them into action, and to do all that boring but essential corporate stuff, like make potential customers aware of these products, talk to people about setting up coverage or ad buys, figure out marketing campaigns, etc. All this is detailed in the job posting. The guy we end up hiring is very confident, and comes highly recommended. The first week, however, he only focuses on one of the two projects. We’re not that concerned, since we figure he’s trying to get a handle on them separately, and they’re so different that he probably needs a while to get up to speed on them both. After another two weeks, it quickly becomes apparent that he’s only working on one of them. He hasn’t so much as mentioned the other project, or spoken to the team on it beyond the introductions. We decide to call a meeting to see how things are going.)

Me: “We wanted to see how you were settling in, and how you felt things were shaping up. We know you’re working a lot on [Project #1], which is great, and we like the things you’re putting into action there. What have you got in mind for [Project #2]?”

Marketer: “Well, for [Project #1]…” *goes off on a long-winded speech about what he’s doing on the project we’re not worried about, but doesn’t mention the other*

Me: “That’s great, but we wanted to talk about [Project #2]. The launch windows for these are very close together, and it would make us feel better if we had some insight into your plans for this one, as well.”

Marketer: *looking a little annoyed* “Well, to be frank, [Project #2] is outside my wheelhouse. I don’t really know what to do with it.”

Me: *taken aback, since this isn’t what he told us in his interview* “Well… What are you doing to rectify that?”

Marketer: *shrugs* “To be honest, I think you should hire someone else. Or just forget about it.”

Me: “What?! You applied for a position specifically to handle these two projects. You were made aware of them in the listing, we discussed them at length in your interview, and that is what we hired you for: to handle them both.”

Marketer: “Well, misjudgments happen.”

Me: “You signed a contract. I need you to start working on [Project #2].”

Marketer: “I already told you I’m not interested!”

Me: “Okay. Are you refusing to do what you agreed to do when you were hired and what is outlined within the terms of your contract that you signed?”

(He blustered a bit and kept insisting that he didn’t want to work on one of the two projects he had been specifically hired for. When I told him then that we were no longer in need of his services, he got extremely defensive and angry, and even threatened to sue for “unlawful firing.” He later tried to make it sound discriminatory… but he was a white guy with no disabilities? I’m just baffled at the idea that someone would think it was okay to refuse to do half of the job they had signed on for, and then seem shocked when they were let go. We ended up hiring someone else who did both projects just fine and made them great successes.)

(There are four people in my office. [Coworker #1] spent more than a month in Turkey on a work assignment and has just returned. He brought a couple of flannel rags, of the kind you get in gas stations, brightly printed with company logos and advertisements in Turkish. [Coworker #2], famous for not always being in the loop, notices the rags while [Coworker #1] is out on errands.)

Coworker #2: “What’s written on these things?”

Me: “I don’t know; I don’t speak Turkish.”

Coworker #2: *looking at me like I said something funny* “Then how do you know it’s Turkish?”

Me: *unsure if he’s having me on* “Um, because that’s what they speak in Turkey. “

Coworker #2: “Why? Has anybody been to Turkey?”

I work for a government-owned, construction-based company, which takes a tax from construction companies paying a certain amount to employees. My job is to find the companies who are trying to dodge this tax by rejecting mail, changing location, etc. I do this initially by Googling the company name to see if they’re still running.

I also play a popular worldwide MMO, known for its players’ saltiness.

Whilst at this job, I have to look for a construction company called “[Character from MMO] Builds.” I laugh, as I play that character in the MMO. I then put the name into Google.

Of course, what comes back is a list of builds for that character and nothing for the construction company.

Not my smartest moment.

(I have been working at the same family-owned business for over seven years, and am two weeks away from starting a new job at another company. The owners, a husband and wife, both from the Middle East, are notoriously miserly when it comes to wages and benefits, and they have a well-earned reputation for empty promises. This has resulted in nearly constant turnover of staff and extremely low morale among those of us who remain. I am working late to make up a deficit in flex-time, and the wife and I are the only ones in the office.)

Boss: “Are you sure you wouldn’t be able to come in on the weekends for consultations about [Software Program I Administer] after you start your new job, if we have questions?”

Me: *having long had enough of these antics* “I am afraid that won’t be possible. I’ll need to focus on the new job, exclusively.”

Boss: “What are you working on, anyway? Why are you here so late?”

Me: “I have a big deficit on my flex-time, and I want to reduce it as much as possible before my last day so I don’t take as big a hit on my paycheck.”

Boss: “Tell you what; I’ll forgive that deficit if you’ll do some consultation work for us.”

Me: “Sorry. The answer is still no.”

(There is an uncomfortable pause.)

Boss: “You know, I don’t want to believe this about you, but I’ve been hearing around — I don’t want to say from whom — that you’re bigoted against Arabs.”

Me: *standing up and starting to shut down my workstation* “That’s absolutely ridiculous. I had Lebanese in-laws from my first marriage, my late stepfather was half-Lebanese, and I loved them all like family.”

(The boss immediately began back-pedaling, saying she hoped we could at least say hello to each other if we met on the street by chance. I shut down my workstation, packed up, and left for the weekend. You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to my last day there at the end of the month.)