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Saving Us From Ourselves

| Working | February 7, 2013

(I’m interviewing for a front desk position with an office. This is shortly after the economic crash of 2008.)

Interviewer: “You have some experience, that’s fine. I see here that you haven’t been working for a month. Tell me, how did you support yourself?”

Me: “With my savings.”

Interviewer: “Savings?”

Me:  “Yes.”

(The interviewer remains speechless, so I decide to elaborate.)

Me: “Savings. You know… the money I’ve saved up?”

Interviewer: “…I see. Now, uh… from where did you get these, uh ‘savings’?”

Me: “…From my previous jobs?”

Interviewer: “But from WHERE did you get these ‘savings?'”

Me: “From working. Why is that strange?”

Interviewer: “Yes, it is strange!”

(He kept asking me over and over where did I get my savings. Finally he told me to fill out an application and left. I left.)

Mail Disorder

| Right | February 5, 2013

(The office where I work is fairly small, which results in me overhearing the receptionists’ half of the phone conversations with some of our clients.)

Coworker: “[Office’s name], how can I help you?”

(The client talks, coworker answers the usual questions.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, I understand that but we can’t open your mail to check it for you.”

(The client continues talking.)

Coworker: “Yes, but as I said earlier, we can’t open your mail to check. It’s best that you get a P.O. box.”

(The client is talking again and is apparently upset, as the coworker has a frustrated/annoyed look on her face.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you’ve called us many times in the past before, and we’ve said it many times before. We really recommend you to get a P.O. box, because we legally can not open your mail to check.”

(Eventually, the client hangs up.)

Me: “Not the first time?”

Coworker: “Won’t be the last.”

Hear No Evil, Rear No Evil

| Working | January 28, 2013

(Per my recommendation, my boss has hired my friend, who I am dating, to set up an office for a relocation. Note: my friend is fairly thin, petite, and looks like a pin-up girl, but is a lot stronger than she looks. My boss also hasn’t met my friend in person yet, so mistakenly thinks she’s a man. It’s the day of the review and my boss, a coworker and I are waiting on the freight elevator to tour the office.)

Boss: “Wow, [my name], your friend did a nice job. What’s his name again?”

Me: “Um, sir, [name] is—”

(At that moment, the freight lift door opens and my friend walks off, pushing a cart with a heavy-looking desk on it.)

Boss: “Who the h*** are you?”

My Friend: “Oh, I’m [name]. Nice to meet you, sir.” *to me* “Hi, [my name].”

Boss: “Oh dear. Oh this will never do. That’s much to heavy for a tiny thing like you.”

My Friend: “It’s not that heavy.” *continues to push the desk* “Be right back, then.”

(As she pushes the desk down the hallway away from us, my coworker checks her rear end out.)

Coworker: “That girl has a nice a**.” *to us* “Who wants to take the bet that I can get the b**** to go out with me?”

(I actually have a date with her that night, so I laugh.)

Me: “I wouldn’t take that bet on any regard…”

(When my friend finally returns, my coworker tries to grab her a**. However, she pinches his wrist and makes him yelp.)

Coworker: “Ow! Hey what’s your problem, man? God!”

My Friend: “The b**** has ears.”

Mission: Imbossible

| Working | January 24, 2013

(I am working for the corporate end of a popular building and home supply store chain. We’ve just gotten a new manager, and I’m being bombarded with work with impossible deadlines. One Friday my boss, the new manager, approaches me.)

Boss: “So, I have these files that need to be typed up, formatted, printed, and binded in several copies by Monday.”

Me: “It’s Friday; how am I to do this without working overtime?”

(Note: I’ve been forced to work overtime several weeks in a row and reprimanded for it because of the cost to the company.)

Boss: “Well, that’s not my problem. You should know how to do this. You’re the one with the most experience. I want this on my desk Monday.”

(Sure enough, I spend all of Saturday and Sunday, working until midnight both nights. By the time I get the work done and put it on my boss’s desk Monday morning, I’m exhausted and stressed out. Not surprisingly, my boss doesn’t show up until noon time.)

Boss: “Oh, you actually got it done.”

Me: “Yes, sir. I had to stay here until midnight to do it, but it’s done and should be all in order.”

Boss: *bursts into laughter* “You actually stayed here until midnight? You’re stupid!”

Me: “…Excuse me?”

Boss: “There would be no way I would’ve done that much overtime for this. We didn’t even need it until Thursday of this week anyway. It could have waited!”

(Needless to say, not long after, I had to quit under a doctor’s advisement because my blood pressure had skyrocketed.)

When The Cat’s Astray, The Mice Will Pay

| Working | January 20, 2013

(I am out picking up food for clients who are coming in for a meeting later that day. My boss comes with me to tell me what to get.)

Me: “Okay, we’ve got cheese, crackers, wine… what else do we need?”

Boss: “Look at this ice cream! It’s the best. You have to try it!”

Me: “No, that’s okay. I don’t want any.”

Boss: “Go on, get some! I’ll just charge it to the clients. No one has to know.”

Me: “What? No, don’t do that!”

Boss: “Well, you’re just f***ing BORING then!”