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Thinking On The Box

| Working | November 6, 2013

Colleague: “[My Name], do you have a tape measure?”

Me: “Yes, but it is a mini one; it’s only one meter in length.”

Colleague: “No problem, I’ll take it. Let’s go measure some supplies. You bring a pen and paper; write down the figures.”

Me: “Okay.”

(A few minutes later, my colleague is bent over a long box…)

Colleague: “Ugh! I can’t reach the end. Hey! Your tape measure is not long enough!”

Me: “I told you it was a mini. Anyway, it is 104 cm.”

(My colleague stretches, and finally reaches the end of the box.)

Colleague: “Okay, here’s 90 cm, let me move and measure the rest.”

Me: “It’s 104 cm.”

Colleague: “What? 90 cm, plus uh—”

Me: “It’s 104 cm.”

Colleague: “How do you know? You’re not the one measuring!”

Me: “It says so right here at the end of the box.”

Cartoon Mathematics

| Working | November 5, 2013

(I work for a film studio that has been making animated shorts for about a year, but still doesn’t know anything about animation. Recently, they’ve wanted us to start making longer episodes, but grumble when we tell them it will take more time.)

Manager: “Alright! This next animation is going to be ten minutes long—”

Me: “What?! That’s twice as long as any other short we’ve done! We won’t be finished for months. I hope you cleared that with the client.”

Manager: “No, no, no. It’ll be fine. See, we’re going to split this animation in to two parts. That way it’ll be half the work.”

Me: “Oh, alright then. But they’re okay with not getting part two until a few months from now?”

Manager: “What?! No! We’re cutting the episode in half! It should take half the time!”

Me: “What?”

Manager: “We can deliver it on time, because it’s only half the work. If it only takes a month to do a regular episode, that’s how long it should take you.”

Me: “But it’s not a regular episode; it’s 10 minutes long!”

Manager: “No, it’s two FIVE-minute episodes!”

Me: “Yes. TWO five-minute episodes, as in two of them. That’s 10 minutes total!”

Manager: “You’re being difficult again. I’ve cut your work in half; you should be thanking me!”

(We never could get him to understand that a half plus a half equaled a whole.)

What Fools These Mortals Be

| Working | November 2, 2013

(One of my colleagues is working on a customer account, where the customer has a very unfortunate last name. Everyone’s just had a laugh about it. The discussion turns to how because she’s a ‘Mrs’ she would’ve chosen to marry into the name. I’m not really getting involved in the conversation but am casually listening.)

Colleague #2: “Why not just choose to keep her maiden name? I mean, what about the children? They’d be teased at school!”

Colleague #3: “Yeah. It’s like, as an adult you learn to deal with it but when you’re a kid you won’t understand.”

Colleague #2: “Exactly! Names are important! It’s true; names really matter!”

(I decide to interject.)

Me: “A rose by any other name smells just as sweet.”

(Colleagues #1 and #2 look at me with blank looks.)

Colleague #2: “What?”

Me: “A rose by any other name smells just as sweet.”

Colleague #2: “What?”

(I repeat it again, as clearly and as eloquently as I can manage.)

Me: “A rose by any other name smells just as sweet.”

Colleague #2: “What?”

Me: “I’m quoting Shakespeare!”

Colleague #2: “Oh…”

Colleague #1: “So that means names don’t matter, right?”

Me: “Did you guys seriously not get the reference?”

Colleague #3: “I got it!”

Colleague #2: “Yeah, but that’s because you’re lame!”

The Braidy Bunch

| Working | October 28, 2013

(My coworker, who works in our warehouse, is a nice but very gruff, always serious guy with long hair. My other coworker, in contrast, is ditzy and can be annoying.)

Ditzy Coworker: “Hey, [Warehouse Coworker]! Come sit here and I’ll braid your hair!”

Warehouse Coworker: *annoyed* “Are you joking?! No way! Are you in high school?! I’m busy, anyway!”

Ditzy Coworker: *whines* “Whyyyyy? I just wanna braid your HAIR!”

(She pesters him over and over and he keeps saying no while glaring. A few hours pass when I don’t see either of them. At the end of the day, I see the warehouse coworker with his hair done in a braid! He sees me laughing at it.)

Warehouse Coworker: “It’s not polite to laugh.” *walks away with his braid swinging*

The Flash Versus The Flush

| Working | October 28, 2013

(My art team and I are enjoying our morning coffee as we situate ourselves in our conference room to begin the day. Typically, we have random conversations about even more random topics as we all filter into the room.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, what kind of super power would you have?”

Coworker #2: “Shape-shifting.”

Coworker #3: “Flying.”

Coworker #4: “I want to control the weather like Storm.”

Coworker #5: “I want to control people’s bowel movements so I can make them poop their pants.”

Coworker #1: “Yea… you’d be a villain.”

Coworker #5: “And you’d be sitting in your own poop right about now.”