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Press 1 For Unwarranted Attention

| Working | July 10, 2012

(I work at an investment firm’s headquarters and assist our branches in making transfers among firm accounts. After assisting an employee with his transfer, things begin to get a little weird).

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Employee: “Is it okay that I’m calling you?”

Me: “Of course. That’s what we’re here for: to help the branches.”

Employee: “Yeah, but I think I may call you too much. Do you have a limit on how many times I can call?”

Me: “Not at all. If you have a question on a transfer, you can always call us and we’ll be happy to help.”

Employee: “So, I’m not bothering you?”

Me: “Nope, I’m glad to assist. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Employee: “Yeah, what was your name again?”

Me: “[Name].”

Employee: “Do you know what the etymology of that is?”

Me: “Yeah, I think it’s a variant of [other name]. It means [meaning].”

Employee: “Do you even know what etymology means?”

Me: “Yes.”

Employee: “What does it mean?”

Me: “Where the word originated from.”

Employee: “How did you learn that?”

Me: “Umm…in school. Is there anything else financially related that I can assist you with?”

Employee: *suddenly angry* “Why doesn’t anyone every want to talk to me?!”

Me: “I apologize, sir. This has been a very pleasant conversation, but I do have other calls in queue. So, unless there’s something else I can assist you with regarding a client’s account—”

Employee: “FINE!” *hangs up*

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Verbile Dysfunction

| Working | June 27, 2012

(I am in a meeting with several coworkers and a customer. This customer is known to have short temper, and in this meeting I called him out for having a “fit of impotent rage”. After the meeting, a coworker urgently pulls me aside.)

Coworker: “You know how you said [customer] had a fit of impotent rage?”

Me: “Yeah?”

Coworker: “Don’t you think that’s…a little rude?”

Me: “Well, maybe, but you know he’s always yelling at people. He’s pretty well known for it, especially when he can’t get his way, so—”

Coworker: “So what?! You just don’t say in a room full of people that a guy can’t GET IT UP! Even if he’s a bit of an a**hole, that’s just not right! He’s a good customer!”

(Realizing my coworker’s confusion, I break out laughing.)

Coworker: “It’s NOT funny!”

Me: “Dude, let’s go look at a dictionary, cause there’s more than one definition of the word ‘impotent’.”

Coworker: “You can’t say a guy can’t get it up! Not in a meeting! Not like that!”

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The Wild Wild East

| Working | June 23, 2012

(I have just come back from a vacation to the Grand Canyon. I got turquoise jewelry from a roadside stand while there. My boss sees me pass.)

Boss: “I love your necklace!”

Me: “Thanks! I got it in Arizona from a Navajo stand.”

Boss: “It’s really unique.”

(I notice my boss is wearing a turquoise necklace herself.)

Me: “It looks something like yours.”

Boss: “Yes! Well, you know, ever since I’ve moved out west…” *lowers her voice* “…I’ve started dressing Bohemian.”

(Note: she wears hot pink, royal blue, teal and leopard print on EVERYTHING.)

Me: “Oh, yeah?”

Boss: “You know, Bohemian…cowboy and sexy!”

Me: “I…never thought of it that way.”

Boss: “Because you know, it’s Western. It’s where that all started!”

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Pot Calling The Kettle Sick

| Working | June 22, 2012

(I have an immunological problem, so I get sicker more frequently, more seriously, and for longer than most people. One winter, it seems that everybody has some kind of cold. I kept catching whatever is going around and missing work, which creates scheduling problems. I go to my boss to talk about taking me off short-term projects and putting me onto longer-term projects until the end of the virus season.)

Boss: “Well, if you’d just tell me in advance when you’re going to get sick, this would be easier.”

(Note: the boss’s toddler is also catching every bug going around at his daycare.)

Me: “I’ll tell you in advance when I’m going to get sick if you could tell me in advance when your toddler is going to get sick.”

Boss: “Touché.”

(She was very understanding after that!)

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The Fairy Log-mother

| Working | June 22, 2012

(I work in a small distributor as their invoice secretary. One of the things I do is make and check logins for their online store. Since I work later hours I usually do not handle customer issues. A coworker handles those calls with sales, who has a heart of gold but not a full grasp on computers.)

Coworker: “[My name], can you refresh the login on this customer? They say they can’t login.”

Me: “Just to let you know, logins don’t expire so they don’t need ‘refreshing.’ The customer may be typing their password in wrong. Or, maybe myself or the boss typed it in wrong by accident.”

Coworker: *with sass* “Well, ‘I’ typed it in three times already and I couldn’t get in either.”

(She hands me the paper with the written login and password. I do not check the system but simply type it into the website in without a hitch.)

Me: “Tell them to slow down when typing. They’re rushing their password.”

Coworker: “What do you mean!? I couldn’t get in either!”

Me: “The password seems simple. However, it’s a word that’s mostly on one hand, so it can be tricky.”

Coworker: “No! You did something to make it work.”

Me: “I just typed it onto the website in one try and took my time.”

Coworker: “But I typed it in three times and couldn’t get in! I wasn’t typing it wrong! How dare you accuse me of being too stupid to type in a password!”

(I realize I’m not getting through, so I try another approach.)

Me: “Alright, honey…there is this little fairy that lives in every keyboard and it snatches up your fingers and moves them to opposing keys when you type passwords. Common errors when typing in passwords is that little fairy.”

Coworker: *blushes in embarrassment and turns back to her work*

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