(I work in IT. This has happened at my job more times than I can count.)

Supervisor: “I need you to add a new field to this screen. It’s a birthdate.”

Me: “Gotcha.”

(One hour later:)

Supervisor: “So, are you done?”

Me: “Not yet.”

Supervisor: “Why the heck not? What’s taking so long? It’s just one field! It’s a simple change!”

Me: “Yes, but first I have to find an appropriate spot for it on the screen. Then, I have to code it. Then, I have to put in edits, so that the users can’t enter something silly like February 31st, or a future date, since it’s a birthdate. Then, I have to ensure that the data entered is propagated to the database that’s keeping track of all the data on the screen. Then, I have to ensure that the birthdate is being sent properly to the other programs that use this screen for input.”

Supervisor: “…”

Me: “I haven’t even mentioned having to test it and document it. Shall I go on?”

Supervisor: “Just stop making excuses and get it done!” *leaves*

(I wouldn’t mind so much, but my supervisor used to be a programmer himself. He had evidently forgotten how much time a “simple change” takes.)

(The company I work for has investment products that are not liquid just due to the nature of the investment. A lot of our clients are older and get upset when they’re told that they can’t withdraw their funds on short notice. There are some people we know well, investors that we can’t appease no matter what. On this day, the lady who calls in is one of our familiar characters, who seems to feel she deserves special treatment even when she’s horrible. So, it isn’t really a surprise when she says calls both me and my coworker — who talked to her a few minutes ago and was hung up on — rude and demands to speak to our manager.)

Customer: “I want your manager to call me back as soon as possible! It’s very important!”

Me: “I’ll have him call you as soon as he’s free, ma’am.”

Customer: “I said as soon as possible, not when he’s free!”

Me: “Ma’am, that is as soon as possible. He can’t call you if he’s not free to do so.”

(The customer hung up on me.)

(It is a week after I join an office environment, and the majority of my coworkers are extremely friendly. However, there is one coworker who seems a bit off. I am eating my tuna salad while on break one day when the strange coworker slowly walks up to me, in absolute silence. He then SPITS in my food. I instinctively throw my sauce-covered salad at him, and it spills everywhere.)

Me: *shouting* “WHAT THE H*** ARE YOU DOING?!”

Strange Coworker: “What the f*** did you do that for?! It was a joke, dumba**!”

(A manager and a coworker run in and see what happened. Before I can explain, the strange coworker speaks.)

Strange Coworker: “This dumb b**** threw her food at me! All I did was barely prank her!”

Manager: “Wait… What? What the h*** did you do for that response?”

Strange Coworker: “I spat in her food. I was going to buy her new food after, but she smacked me with a salad!”

Manager: “So, you did something disgusting to her own meal that she paid for, which she wouldn’t have known you would repay her, and even if you did repay her, that would waste her break. Did you never stop to consider if she was okay with this?!”

(He is now blushing and in silence. Eventually, another coworker speaks up:)

Coworker: “Actually, you did the same stuff to me when I was new! You would constantly waste my time, and whenever you had an angry caller, you would just pass them onto me with a lame excuse!”

Manager: “[Strange Coworker], I have received a lot of complaints about your lack of manners, and even discrimination. Now I have enough evidence to safely say, ‘You’re fired!’”

(The strange coworker started screaming profanities until he was removed by security. The manager extended my break and bought me some food. Luckily, the job was great after that, and he is still a joke we talk about to this day!)

(My boss has been trying to get the motivation to fix a company-wide organizational chart that even his own boss said is not a huge priority. After sitting on it for several days, my boss brings the chart back to me.)

Boss: “I’m giving this back to you because I just can’t get the motivation to work on this right now.” *lowers voice* “And frankly, I don’t care.”

Me: *laughs* “I get it.”

Boss: “So, just sit on it for a while and we’ll work on it later.”

Me: “I have this in electronic format, so if you want to take this and crumple it up, be my guest.”

Boss: *face lights up like a little kid on Christmas* “Yes!” *crumples the chart into a ball with a look of evil glee*

Me: “Feel better?”

Boss: “Oh, yes.”

I work in a sales office. One of my colleagues is “belligerent” at best and outright hostile at worst. However, he is good at his job, so it is tolerated, much to everyone else’s chagrin.

One day I answer a call from a customer who explains they have placed a large order by email but have yet to see a confirmation. Of course, they sent the email to the general sales email, which is forwarded to the five area supervisors, all of whom are on the phone, and all of whom may have passed it onto their own sales team, totaling approximately fifty people. I ask the customer to resend the order to my own email and explain that when my coworkers are off the phone I will track down who has handled the order and have them confirm it.

The order comes through, and instantly I can see there is nothing on the customer’s account to show the order has been entered onto the system. I ask around the area supervisors as they finish their calls, but none claim ownership of the order.

Finally, my belligerent coworker slams his phone down, shouts across the open plan office — where people are on calls — that he is dealing with the order, but he can’t put the order on the system because we are out of stock and he needs to find out when we can get more. He shouts at me that I should have known he would be handling the order, and accuses of me trying to “steal” his customer.

He then proceeds to ring the customer and shouts at them for being impatient when they should have — somehow — known the order was being handled. When the customer gets defensive, my coworker hangs up on them mid-sentence.

The customer then proceeds to cancel the £10,000 order. When my coworker tries to charge them a 10% cancellation fee, the customer points out that, without a confirmation, no contract has been formed and they are free to cancel without penalty. Cancellation fees have never been in our terms and conditions, anyway.

Several years later, the customer has a new buying manager who has gotten in touch with us, and we have been slowly earning their business back. My coworker is still with the company, despite repeating variations of the same performance at least twice; however, he now refuses to speak to the customer, who now asks for me by name.