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When It Comes To Shopping It’s All About Location, Location, Location, Part 2

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2023

During the 1990s, I worked at a loan company located in a strip mall. We were next to a women’s clothing store. A woman walked in and saw all of us sitting at our desks.

Woman: “Why is no one assisting me with the clothes?”

Coworker: “I think you’re in the wrong place. [Women’s Clothing Store] is next door.”

After she realized she was in the wrong place, my coworker walked her to the right store. After she got to the other store and presumably did her shopping, one of the employees of that store came over to talk to us.

Store Employee: “That woman you walked over? She called to complain that she was escorted out of our store and was treated poorly by the staff. She thought you were one of our locations!”

Some people will make the pettiest complaints about anything!

When It Comes To Shopping It’s All About Location, Location, Location

They’re A Cute Couple — No Butts About It

, , , , , , | Working | January 24, 2023

Two of my coworkers — [Woman] and [Man] — are dating each other. Everyone in our department agrees that they’re the cutest couple we can imagine, but they’re actually really good at not letting their relationship interfere with work in any way.

This story takes place shortly after we all start coming back into the office after a year and a half of working from home during the global health crisis. It’s a particularly cold winter day, and [Woman] decides to do something about it.

Woman: “That’s it! I’m turning the thermostat up! I’m freezing my butt off!”

Man: *In a stereotypical fake whining voice* “Oh, no, not your butt! That’s my favorite part.”

Everyone in the office freezes — pun not intended — and then bursts into raucous laughter when we realize what just happened. [Man] and [Woman] catch on and turn beet red from embarrassment.

Man: “Um… I forgot that we’re at the office and not at home, so… can we all just pretend that I didn’t say that?”

Coworker: “[Woman], now I understand why you were so careful to make sure you were on mute during all of our Zoom meetings!”

That set off another round of raucous laughter, with the couple joining in despite their obvious embarrassment. It really helped boost morale after so many months of chaos trying to coordinate everything while working from home.

The couple is now happily engaged, and they’re still good about keeping their relationship separate from work, even though we still make the occasional joke about this story at their expense.

It’s All Dutch To Me, Literally 

, , , , , | Right | January 24, 2023

Belgium has three official tongues — Dutch, French, and German — yet nearly everybody speaks French, and there are more English speakers than Dutch speakers even though English is not one of our national languages.

This happened today at the reception of the building I’m working in: my coworker was born abroad and is fluent in English, German, and French. However, she doesn’t speak Dutch at all. When we get a Dutch speaker, I generally handle them as, even though my Dutch isn’t perfect, I can be understood and understand roughly 40% of what they say to me.

This story happened as my coworker was alone at the reception. The phone rang, and a Flemish speaker started.

Caller: “Goeiedag, ik wil met iemand van [Company] spreken in verband met een brief van [Employee].” *Hello, I would like to talk to someone from [Company] about a letter from [Employee].*

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, I don’t speak Dutch. Do you speak English?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m sorry, I don’t speak Dutch. Do you speak French?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “Again, no, sir. Do you speak any other language than Dutch?”

Caller: “…Nederlands?”

Coworker: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

Caller: “…Wat mort ik dan doen?!” *What should I do, then?!*

Coworker: “Do you speak English? French? German?”

Caller: “…” *Hangs up with a frustrated scream*

Did he expect her to magically learn Dutch?

Save The Trash Talk For Home, Buddy

, , , , , , | Working | January 23, 2023

I’m a department head in the company I work for. I was showing a presentation to our company before showcasing it to our clients. There were about thirty-five people in the video conference. 

We have an instant messenger for inside the company only. The head of another department didn’t realize they were typing in the video chat and not the instant messenger; they look similar.

Department Head: *Typing in the chat* “I can’t believe this. No one is going to sign for this. What a giant, boring waste of f*****’ time. [My Name] is an idiot who is wasting company time.”

I stopped talking and sat quietly for about twenty seconds while I took a screenshot of that.

Me: *Out loud* “Hey, [Department Head], you can get off the call now.”

Department Head: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s a waste of your valuable time, and you should go do more productive things with it — like telling Human Resources why you’ve been kicked off this call.”

He started to stutter.

Me: “Either you can call them or I can, but either way, this meeting is not moving forward with you in it.”

He logged off, and we had a meeting the next day with HR about workplace harassment; his personal attack on me qualified. He was silent the entire time.

HR asked what my feelings were, and I said that [Department Head] owed me and the entire company an apology. He had to apologize and ended up with a week of unpaid suspension.

We Can Understand Hard Of Sight, But This Guy Is Hard Of Mind

, , , , | Right | January 23, 2023

I work in hospitality, and a big part of my job is helping guests check in on an iPad. The steps are very simple: you type in your first and last name, accept a health waiver, and type in your host name. That would be the name of the person you’re there to see, not the company they’re associated with. We need a name so we know who to notify. It’s a really simple system, but people still have so much trouble with it sometimes.

A guy probably in his early forties comes in. He seems clean-cut and fully present, but when he walks up to me and the iPad, he just stands there.

Me: “Good morning! How can I help you today?”

He stares at me.

Me: “Um, are you here to visit someone today?”

He nods.

Me: “Okay! Please sign in here on this iPad. Start by typing your first and last name.”

The iPad is right in front of him — literally six inches from his hands, directly in front of his body between the two of us.

Visitor: “Where?”

Me: “On this iPad, right here.”

I pat the top of the iPad. He looks at the iPad, squints, and looks up at me.

Visitor: “Here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, this iPad right here. It has a box that says, ‘First and last name.’ Please type it in there.”

Visitor: “You got a pen anywhere?”

Me: “You just type it with your finger.”

He squints again and then starts typing. He’s typing what’s supposed to be his name for almost a full minute before he stops.

Visitor: “What do I put here again?”

Me: “Your first and last name, sir.”

He types again for what feels like a long time.

Visitor: “What is this?”

Me: “That’s our health waiver.”

Visitor: “I don’t want to read it.”

Me: “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. You have to click agree to continue.”

He stares at the screen for maybe thirty seconds.

Visitor: “What do I click?”

I have to get up and go around to the other side of the desk because I can’t handle any more of this. I click “accept” for him and it moves onto the host screen. I stay to type it in for him because I’ve lost all faith in this man.

Me: “Who are you visiting today?”

Visitor: “[This building].”

Me: “I mean what person are you here to see?”

Visitor: “The guy who emailed me.”

Me: “And what is his name?”

Visitor: “I don’t know.”

Me: *With the last shreds of my patience* “Can I please see the email?”

He pulls up the email quite easily on his phone and then hands the phone to me. There is a first and last name right there on the email, along with the same instructions on how to check in that I gave him. I quickly type the name in, finish the sign-in, and sit back in my chair.

Me: “He’ll be with you shortly. Feel free to have a seat over there.”

I gestured to the only place to sit in the area.

He stared at the couches I had pointed at and then back at me. After several seconds of staring, I told him to have a nice day and pretended to work on my computer. He wandered over to the couches and stood next to them, texting.

Eventually, his host came out, and the visitor greeted the guy totally normally and made small talk as they walked into the elevator.

I’ve had people who had trouble with technology, and I’ve had people who were angry, but I have never had an interaction so bizarre before or since then. Hope the guy’s doing okay.