Seizing Control Of The Schedule

, , , , , , , | Healthy | March 8, 2018

(I work Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. My daughter has been having some health issues and recently started having grand mal seizures which require the school to call me to come pick her up. All my coworkers know this. My boss is trying to cover some shifts and asks me:)

Boss: “Can you cover some of the Monday, Wednesday, and Friday shifts?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t think that’s a good idea. My daughter has been having seizures; she had to be picked up Thursday and Friday last week.”

Boss: “So, Friday is the only day you can’t work?”

Me: “No, I don’t have an emergency person to pick her up Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

Boss: “So, she’s scheduled to have seizures on every Thursday and Friday?”

Me: “No. We don’t schedule her seizures.”

Boss: “Well, can you schedule them, then? We really need these shifts covered.”

(Best part is, we work in healthcare!)

Another One Goes Down The Tube

, , , , , , | Working | March 8, 2018

(I am pregnant with my first child and trying to train girls to take over my job when I go on maternity leave. I have already hired and fired several girls who just cannot get the hang of answering a phone, being an office manager, and a host of other duties. I have one girl who, after only 30 minutes on the job, says she has a headache and needs to go get aspirin out of her car. I never see her again. The next girl thinks work is the best time to catch up on calling her friends. I fire her before lunch. I FINALLY think I have found an older woman who might work out. She has several problems understanding how to use the computer to order supplies and send messages, but she seems willing to learn. Her first four days go okay… until Friday, which is casual dress in our office; the rest of the week is business dress. She comes in wearing a tube top, a denim mini skirt, and flip-flops.)

Me: “What the hell are you wearing?”

New Hire: “Well, you said it’s casual Friday, so I put the business suit up and came casual!”

Me: “Hon, it’s casual Friday, not bar-hopper Friday!”

(The bosses were not amused, and she was let go that afternoon after some of my customers complained.)

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There, Part 2

, , , , , | Working | March 7, 2018

(I’m working in the office and the phone rings. It’s someone from a call centre. There are only two people who work here: the owner and me.)

Caller: “Hello there. Is [Employee who retired in 2010] available, please?”

Me: “He retired a number of years ago.”

Caller: “Okay, then. Is the owner of the business available, please?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Do you know when he’ll be available?”

Me: “Can I ask who is calling, please?”

Caller: “It’s [Caller] from [Unknown Company].”

Me: “And can I ask why you’re calling?”

Caller: “It’s a confidential business matter regarding the owner.”

Me: “With all due respect, it cannot be that confidential if you don’t even know the owner’s name.”

Caller: “Okay, then. Thank you for your time.” *click*

Got Owned And The Owner Wasn’t Even There

A New Definition Of Puppy Love, Part 2

, , , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(We’ve had several large meetings scheduled in the building’s biggest conference room for today. Unfortunately, the projector and the screens in said conference room have also both chosen today to break down, so we’ve been frantically trying to find other venues for everyone. After five hours of scouring calendars, booking new rooms, and redirecting people to the alternate locations, I’m feeling pretty burned out. At this point, one of the regular employees comes in pushing an animal carrier.)

Worker: “Afternoon, [My Name]… Wow. You’re not looking well.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s been… a trying day. I’ve had to relocate most of the staff here, forcing them to waste time and, in some cases, gas, to get to other locations, while the technicians are busy making that lovely racket you’re hearing, trying to figure out why nothing wants to work in our conference rooms.”

Worker: “D***… Sounds like you could use a pick-me-up. Hmm…” *he looks down at the animal carrier* “Technically, pets aren’t allowed in the building, right?”

Me: “Uh… Well, technically, yes… but the owners really don’t care if anyone does bring one in. Why?”

(The worker opens the case and takes out a sleepy newborn puppy.)

Worker: “I was going to bring this fella up to say hello to the office while I grabbed some files, but I think he’d do more good for you right now.”

(He reaches over the reception desk and plops the puppy in my lap. It looks up at me, licks my hand, then curls up and goes back to sleep.)

Worker: “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

(He goes up to his floor, leaving me with a warm, adorable ball of fluff to pet until he returns a while later.)

Worker: “Feeling better now?”

(I’m so absorbed in cooing over the puppy I almost jump at his voice.)

Me: “Uh… Surprisingly, yes. So much so, I’m almost annoyed I have to hand him over now.”

Worker: *laughs* “Obviously, it worked, then. I’ll make sure to bring him back soon, so you can remain acquainted.”

(I reluctantly handed the puppy back over; however, I also spent the rest of the day feeling so much happier than before. I make sure to let that worker know how much I appreciate little gestures like that every time I see him, and I also keep a small bag of doggie treats on hand for when he brings his pet in with him.)

A New Definition Of Puppy Love

Charged With Anger

, , , , , | Working | March 6, 2018

(I always keep an extra phone charger plugged in at my desk in case I need it. My coworkers know this and tend to borrow it when they need to, if it’s not in use. I don’t mind, as we have a small office and I’ve never had an issue with anyone abusing it or not returning it. We had a new hire start about a month ago. He’s in the same office but a different department, so I don’t know him well. He comes and stands at my cubicle and puts his hand out.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Coworker: “My phone is dead.” *shows me his phone, which is a different brand*

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t help you. I only have [Brand] charger; it won’t work with your phone.”

Coworker: “Seriously!? I was told to come to your desk for a charger. How could you only have [Brand]?”

Me: “I think there may have been a miscommunication. I keep an extra charger at my desk for my phone, which is [Brand]. I am more than happy to let other [Brand] users borrow it when I’m not using it, but I’m not the ‘keeper of the chargers’ for [Company].”

(I laugh a bit to lighten the mood, thinking maybe he thought that our work supplied chargers and I just held onto them. But no.)

Coworker: “Wow, that is the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard. If you make something accessible to one group, you should make it accessible to all. Equality, you know? [Other Brand] chargers aren’t that expensive; you should have bought one to share with people who don’t use your stupid elite phone!” *storms off*

Other Coworker: *across the aisle* “Did… Did he just yell at you for not having an extra charger for a phone you don’t own?”

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