Unfiltered Story #207933

, , , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2020

My boss gets a lot of calls and we have no secretary, so we all answer the phones to screen the calls or take care of things we can since the boss is often on another line. …This isn’t the first or probably not the last time this happens…

Me: Thanks for calling [company], this is [name].

Customer: Oh yeah, is [boss] there? I need to talk to him.

Me (seeing that the boss’s line is free): Yes sir, let me get you there to him now.

Customer: Oh, OK, I guess I just try back later then. Thanks. (hangs up)

Me (dumbfounded talking to myself): … … …but …but why? He was available…

Co-Worker (that heard me): What happened with that call?

Me: I have no idea…

Unfiltered Story #207916

, , | Unfiltered | September 10, 2020

(My boss and I are both women working in a home office. We have an off-site worker and we just set him up with a Dell laptop so that he can easier work with dual screens)
Worker, over the phone to us: Something is wrong with the mouse, I can’t do anything!
Me, looking at his screen remotely: Try clicking on the desktop.
(A menu pops up)
Me: Are you right-clicking on the mouse?
Worker: No, I’m doing normal clicks! (Clicks several more times, more menus pop up.
Me: …Is the mouse in your left hand?
Worker: (long pause) I’m so sorry.
Me: That’s okay!
Worker: On my old Mac laptop I had everything reversed. I feel stupid.
Me: Well, you’re a lefty and an Apple user, so you’ve got two strikes against you to begin with.
Boss, yelling from across the room: Three strikes, he’s a man too!
(Just kidding guys! And for the record, I’m a lefty too.)

Unfiltered Story #207906

, , | Unfiltered | September 9, 2020

We have a product coming out from a new vendor and need to identify which internal forms use it. I suggest a small image of the vendor’s logo beside the link in our forms list, and we email our Legal department for their opinion.

Legal: There is a small risk here but since it’s an internal website it should be fine.
Coworker (who was CCed on the email): I don’t think we should risk it.

My boss decides that it would be easier to make our own graphic, and a couple of us are huddled around a coworker’s desk as she uploads it to our forms list.

Coworker: You guys are all going to jail for fraud!
Me: I made a custom graphic. It’s company property.

We’re sitting in a team meeting the next week and that vendor’s product comes up.

Coworker: You’re still committing fraud!

A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 6

, , , , , | Working | September 8, 2020

I am job hunting and have just been invited to my first interview. I have also just been awarded my doctorate and am using my new title on my application. When I arrive at the interview, I am asked to sit in a waiting room with a number of other visitors and prospective job candidates. After a while, a receptionist enters.

Receptionist: “Doctor [My Name], they’re ready for you now.”

I stand up.

Me: “That’s me.”

The receptionist looks at me with a puzzled expression.

Receptionist: “Are you sure you’re Doctor [My Name]? Because you don’t look clever.”

Gee, thanks for the confidence boost just before the interview! She did later try to explain that she was expecting somebody more nerdy-looking.

Related:
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 5
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 4
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 3
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist, Part 2
A Most Unreceptive Receptionist

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Sure Not Bottling Up The Stupid

, , , | Working | September 8, 2020

This happened several years ago, but several years after the Bonsai Kitten joke site was already old news. I work as an editor at a small — and not very good — magazine. I get called into the owner’s office.

Owner: “Someone just sent me this link! Did you know that in both New York and Tokyo, a lot of people are buying cats that have been raised in glass jars so they’re completely deformed? This is horrible! You have to write an article about this!”

Me: “Yeah.” *Laughs* “Good one.”

Owner: “What do you mean, ‘Good one’? This is pure torture! How can this be legal?”

Me: *Realising he’s serious* “Oh. No, no, that site is a hoax. That’s not real. It’s a joke.”

Owner: “What do you mean, ‘not real’? There are pictures! How is that funny?”

Me: “Yeah, those are photoshopped. Badly. Intentionally so.”

Owner: “‘Photoshopped’? You can’t change photographs!”

Me: *Pause* “We’re a glossy magazine. You literally pay one of us to fix photographs using Photoshop.”

Owner: “Yeah, but you can’t make a photograph of something that doesn’t exist! Those poor cats!”

I bring up a photoshop contest on his browser.

Me: “Look at this rhino/bumblebee hybrid. Do you think that exists in real life? You can do a lot in Photoshop.”

Owner: *Stunned* “Really?”

Me: “Yes. Also, think about it. The site says bonsai kittens have been hugely popular all over the world for years. If that were true, don’t you think it would be news anywhere else but on this one website?”

Owner: “Huh. Maybe?”

Me: “Right. It’s a joke. It’s in poor taste, maybe, but it’s not real. No actual cats are getting born into glass jars and growing up star-shaped.”

Owner: “I guess…”

At this point, one of our ad sales agents walks in.

Owner: “Hey, did you hear about this bonsai kitten thing?”

Agent: “Oh, yeah, that’s totally real. I talked to some Chinese guy and he confirmed it.”

Owner: “See?!”

Me: “Oh, look, it’s five pm. I need to get home.”

We never ran that article, no thanks to the owner.

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