Need To Elevate The Standard Of Youth

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2019

(I am in Hong Kong. I enter an elevator that is descending. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze at first, so I accidentally bump into the other occupants who are already in there. Everyone involved in this story appears to be East Asian, myself included.)

Me: “Whoops. Sorry, everyone! My apologies.”

(We go down a few floors and several people exit. The only people remaining in the elevator are an old man and me. We go down one more floor, and standing in front is a young man who is hesitant to enter.)

Me: “What seems to be the matter, friend? Come on in; there’s plenty of room.”

(The young man is standing still, and not moving an inch.)

Me: “Are you going up, or going down?”

Young Man: “Up!”

Me: “Well, okay, looks like you might want to try the other elevator. This one’s going down for at least several more floors, so it’ll be a while before it starts going back up again. Have a good one, then.”

(The young man stops acknowledging me and just waits for the door to close. While we’re going down again, the old man standing next to me finally decides to talk to me.)

Old Man: “Where are you from, son?”

Me: “Me? I’m from Canada, sir.”

Old Man: “That explains it! Your English and your manners are both exceptionally good! I knew there was no way you could be one of the local kids!”

(Rather unfortunate that he has such a view of his own country’s youth, but hey, he said it, not me.)

Someone Has To Be The Brains Of This Operation

, , , , , , | Working | January 7, 2019

(I work for a company that hires a lot of temporary workers and always has payroll problems with them, resulting in a lot of late checks. This particular temporary worker has already had their check delayed over a month, and they’ve come to collect it now that it has finally come in. They have a very long and complicated Eastern European last name. My name is Brian.)

Employee: *sighing after finally getting their long-sought-after check* “My name is spelled wrong.”

Me: “Okay. I can send it back for you — and I’m not going to lie, it will probably take payroll even longer to get a new check issued — or you can try and cash it anyway. Considering the number of checks I have cashed with my name spelled, ‘Brain,’ you are probably going to be fine. If not, I’ll keep yelling at payroll until they get everything straightened out for you.”

(Luckily, they got a laugh out of this and, after I checked on them a few days later, everything went fine with depositing their misspelled check.)

They Broke The Code — Literally

, , | Right | January 6, 2019

(I work for a company that offers digital marketing services, among other things. In order to track the campaign’s performance, we need to add a small piece of code to the client’s website. Most of the time we are able to add this ourselves, but occasionally the client has contracted out their web services and we must get in contact with a third party. Recently, a campaign that was generating huge success has suddenly flat-lined. After hours pouring over the campaign I finally determine that there is a flaw with the code, which was installed by the third-party web company six months ago. Here is my email exchange.)

Me: “Hey, can you guys please re-add [code] to the site? We had it on there before but I’m not sure what happened.”

Contact: “Our service team is unable to add [code] to the site at this time as there is already existing [code] on site. This code was sent to us two months ago, and we updated it as requested. It is not recommended to have multiple [code]s running at the same time but it can be done. Please advise if we are to remove or replace the existing [code].”

Me: “I can’t speak to what to do with the current [code], but ours needs to be re-added as soon as possible. [Client]’s campaign has already experienced a negative because it was removed.”

Client: *cc’d on email* “Oh, yeah, we had them remove [code] to put our marketing intern’s on there. It’s for her final class project. Just add both codes.”

Me: *now exclusively to the client* “Did you know that they had removed our [code] from the site to place your student’s there?”

Client: “Yeah, we didn’t think it would be a huge deal because she’s running her own marketing for us and it’s all the same code.”

(After digging in a bit further, it turns out that not only had they basically sabotaged their own campaign, they were also running digital marketing to compete with their existing digital marketing campaign as a way to get out of their contract with us!)

Ready… Set… Ready?

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2019

(I answer the phone at work and go through my normal spiel. The caller wants Accounts Payable.)

Me: “Sure. May I tell her who’s calling?”

Caller: “Yes.”

(Silence for a few seconds on from both of us. I’m about to repeat myself when…)

Caller: “Tell me when you’re ready.”

(Lady, I was ready when I asked the question!)

This Design Holds No Quarter

, , , , , , | Working | January 4, 2019

(I have a coworker who is… not very observant.)

Coworker #1: “I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

Me: “Huh?”

(I look over and see her holding two quarters. One is an older-style quarter with a bald eagle on the back and the other is a California state quarter with an image of a man and a bird.)

Coworker #1: “This one has a smaller bird and it’s hard to see. This one has a bigger eagle. I like the bigger eagle. They must have changed the design. I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

Me: “Uh… that’s a state quarter. They’ve been around for a while.”

Coworker #1: “I like the bigger eagle. I don’t like the smaller eagle.”

(She walks over to another coworker who shares our office.)

Coworker #1: “They changed the eagle, see?”

Coworker #2: *focused on her computer* “Hmm?”

Coworker #1: “The eagle is bigger on this quarter and smaller on this one. They must have changed the design. I wonder what the date is.” *examines the older quarter* “1995. And…” *squints at the California quarter, then holds it out to me* “What does that say?”

Me: “2005.”

Coworker #1: “So, yeah, it’s a new design.”

Me: “That was thirteen years ago.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, a new design!” *wanders out of the room*

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