It’s just before the long Easter weekend. I’m working in the office and find some small foil-wrapped chocolate eggs behind some papers.

Me: “Uh, who left their chocolate eggs at my desk?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, you found some, too?”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, I had some on my keyboard when I got back from lunch!”

We all discussed and realised our ‘Easter Bunny’ was our manager, making a sweet gesture before we all went away for the weekend.

Nearer the end of the day:

Coworker #3: “[Manager] was really thorough! I was cleaning out one of the kitchen cupboards. I’d been meaning to do it for months, and I figured I’d get it done today as it’s quiet before the long weekend. He even put a few eggs in there! They didn’t taste very good, though, so I think maybe he got some cheap ones.”

Me: “Uh… [Coworker #3], that cupboard hasn’t been used for a year. I don’t think those eggs are from this Easter.”

Coworker #3: *Eyes widen.* “Oh… ewwww!”

What made it worse was that it was a LOCKED cupboard she was cleaning out, and she had held the only key for at least eight months. How did she not realise?

I work in the reprographics department of a large office, specifically the printing section.

Me: “Hello, this is Printing. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, uh, do you do printing?”

Me: “…Yes, we do printing.”

Caller: “How much will some printing cost?”

Each department in the office gets a reprographics budget that we invoice for internally.

Me: “That depends on what you want printed and how much.”

Caller: “I need… thirty.”

Me: “Thirty what?”

Caller: “I need thirty printing.”

Sigh, and I was juuuuust about to go on my lunch break, too…

Manager: “Where’s [Coworker]?”

Me: “He went out to lunch.”

Manager: “I was just in the break room, and I didn’t see him.”

Me: “No, not the break room. Out, as in outside.”

Manager: *Confused.* “Out…side? As in outside the building?”

Me: “Yeah. He said it was a lovely day, so he was going to walk in the park.”

Manager: “But… why would he leave the office in the middle of the day?”

Me: “He’s European.”

Manager: *Blank look.*

Me: “Hmm, how do I put this. He does not eat at his desk and sacrifice his legally required lunch break, which has been normalized by the slave-driving American capitalist mindset.”

Manager: *Still looking a bit blankly.* “Well… uh… tell him to see me when he gets back.”

Me: “Will do!”

I see the manager walk to the corner of the office and talk to a few other senior staff. I can’t hear their conversation, but I do pick out loud snippets of “Outside? But why?!” and “We’re allowed to do that?”

CONTENT WARNING: Rude humor

Our office is having a big staff meeting (all hands!) called to announce redundancies. As we’re waiting for it to start, the atmosphere is very tense, and conversation is at a minimum. We’re all waiting for the receptionist to come back from the toilet before the managing director starts things off.

One of the managers, a big, loud Scottish guy, looks at his watch impatiently as she walks back in, and says for the whole room to hear:

Scottish Guy: “I hope you remembered to shake off your lettuce!”

You could have heard a pin drop.

Scottish Guy: *To everyone.* “Oh, calm down, everyone! I was told today was my last day already!”

That was also my last day in that office, but that single moment will be the memory I have of that day that outlasts all others.

This is most of what I remember from an email exchange in my old office a few years ago. I don’t remember the exact wording, and I’m not a grammar expert, but hopefully you’ll all get the gist: 

The boss sends an email out to the whole team:

Boss: “Hi team, please ensure all reports are submitted by Friday and double check your figures before sending.”

A minute or so later, one of our coworkers, who is a stickler for correct grammar (she even calls herself the “Grammar Nazi”), replies all:

GN: “Hi all,

Just a quick correction: it should be ‘double-check’ with a hyphen when used as a verb. Additionally, ‘ensure’ would be better replaced with ‘ensure that’ for grammatical completeness.

To elaborate, compound verbs like ‘double-check’ require hyphenation to avoid ambiguity, and omitting ‘that’ can sometimes lead to reduced clarity in formal business writing.

Best,

[GN]”

Coworker #1: “Replying all to say… I think we all understood the email just fine. Maybe let’s not overthink it?”

GN: “Hi,

It should be ‘Replying all to say… I think we all understood the email just fine; maybe let’s not overthink it?’

A semicolon is more appropriate than a comma here, as you are joining two independent clauses.

Additionally, ‘just fine’ is somewhat informal — ‘adequately’ may be preferable in professional communication.

Best,

[GN]”

A minute later:

Coworker #2: “Okay you can stop now.”

Immediate response:

GN: “Hi,

You are missing a comma after ‘Okay,’ which is required when addressing someone directly.

Best,

[GN]”

Coworker #3: “I think we’ve reached the point where this has become a bit unnecessary. Let’s focus on the actual work and I suggest everyone stop replying all; it’s just fuelling this conversation.”

GN: “Hi,

It’s ‘fueling’ with a single ‘l’.

Also, ‘a bit unnecessary’ is redundant — ‘unnecessary’ alone would suffice.

Best,

[GN]”

There’s a pause. Then [Coworker #3] replies again.

Coworker #3: “Actually, I am British, and in the UK, it is spelled ‘fuelling.'”

GN fires back, faster this time.

GN: “Well, this is America so American English should be used in professional enviroments and communications.”

She replied so fast that she didn’t stop to check. The floodgates opened:

Coworker #4: “‘Environments’ is misspelled.”

Coworker #5: “You’re also missing punctuation after ‘America.'”

Coworker #6: “‘Professional environments and communications’ is awkward phrasing. You’d usually say, ‘professional communications in the workplace.'”

Coworker #7: “If we’re being precise, ‘American English should be used’ is a style preference, not a grammatical rule.”

Coworker #8: “Also ironic given the earlier comments about clarity.”

Boss: “Everyone, please return to work.”

The thread dies instantly. For the rest of the week, every email GN sends is… noticeably shorter.