Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 20

, , , , , | Legal | February 27, 2019

(I park in the disabled bay in front of the office like I do every morning. I’m disabled and have a blue badge on display in the car. I notice a laminated sign someone has stuck on the end of the space saying, “Pregnant employees ONLY.” Figuring it has blown over from one of the regular parking bays I just put it carefully to one side and go into work. Coming out later that afternoon I find a parking ticket on my car! I take it into the security office and say this is obviously a mistake.)

Me: “Okay, think you got the wrong car, mate. I’m in the disabled bay with a disabled permit, so I’ve not done anything wrong.”

Security: “Did you see the sign this morning? ‘Pregnant employees only.’ You’re going to have to park in that disabled bay over the road.”

(It’s a four-lane dual carriageway.)

Me: “Is someone in the office disabled due to being pregnant or something?”

Security: “No, but she wants a guaranteed parking spot close to the building, so we’re using the disabled bay for now.”

Me: “I’m not paying this fine, you know, and I’m going to keep parking in that bay unless someone else has a disabled permit. If they do, then we can talk and work something out about sharing the car space.”

Security: “You keep parking there and we’ll tow your car. We’ve blocked it off for her use only.”

Me: “Let’s see how well that goes when I get the police involved for illegally towing a disabled person’s car. Just block off one of the regular bays if you really have to!”

Security: “No. We’ve chosen this one. You need to park elsewhere.”

Me: “Up yours!”

(Yeah, kind of lost my temper at the end there. I’m not paying the fine, and I will raise absolute chaos if anything happens to my car. We’ll see how this goes.)

Related:

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 19

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 18

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 17

They Cardly Notice Each Other Anymore

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 27, 2019

(My husband typically works the day shift at his employer. Two weeks ago, the company got a new contract for a job that requires work be done during the night shift, and my husband, being one of the newer employees, is chosen for the job. Instead of working from six am to six pm, he’s now working from six pm to six am and sleeping during the day while I’m away at work. Unfortunately, this means our original plans for Valentine’s Day are ruined, and while we’re sad about it, we decide to celebrate on a later date. Still wanting to do something, I buy a card for him and place it underneath his phone before I leave for work on Valentine’s Day, hoping he’ll see it when he wakes up. Around noon, I get a phone call from him.)

Husband: “Happy Valentine’s Day. I just wanted to let you know I’m heading into work early today. The new guy broke one of the machines, so I’m going to see if I can fix it before calling in the tech. Good news is that since I’ll be there at one this afternoon, I can leave around midnight rather than stay until six, so I can catch up on sleep. Did you see the card I left you?”

Me: “Umm… What card?”

Husband: “Seriously? I left it right by your purse so you’d see it before you left for work.”  

Me: *chuckling* “I’m really sorry. I’ll look for it when I get home. Speaking of which, did you see the card I left you?”

Husband: “Uh…”

Me: “Are you kidding me right now? I left it underneath your phone!”

Husband: *chuckling* “I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.”

Me: “Sheesh. We really belong together, don’t we?”

Husband: “Or we’re just both unobservant.”

Me: “You know what? Don’t ruin the moment on Valentine’s Day.”

(Sure enough, I found his card in the same spot where I left it, and my card was next to where my purse was sitting.)

Applicants Who Don’t Apply Themselves

, , , , , | Working | February 21, 2019

(My employee gets a contract for a project that needs about a dozen people. Since the physical office is very small, we decide to hire people who could work from home after receiving a short training session. We put up a job ad stating that is remote, full-time work, and I am told to screen the applicants through phone interviews.)

Applicant #1: “I don’t have a computer, so I’ll have to come to your office to work.”

Me: “We don’t have anywhere to put you. That is why we are only hiring for stay-at-home positions.”

Applicant #1: “But I don’t own a computer, so I’ll just come into the office.”

(Next:)

Applicant #2: “I can’t do full-time, so I’ll be working twenty hours and my girlfriend will do the other twenty.”

(Next:)

Applicant #3: “I’ve applied to your company before and I didn’t like the guy who interviewed me.”

Me: “He is not part of this project.”

Applicant #3: *rants about how much he hated my coworker*

(Next:)

Applicant #4: “I don’t have a computer, so is it okay if I go to my buddy’s house and use his?”

Me: “That is fine with me, but are you sure your friend doesn’t mind you being in his house all day?”

Applicant #4: “I’ll ask him and call you back.”

(He didn’t call back.)

Doesn’t Have Time To Talk About Time

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2019

(My job has a couple of clients who are notorious for being difficult on the phone. This one client often makes demands we are unable to fulfill, and is rude and aggressive. On this day, he wants something done by the end of the day that takes two days minimum to be done.)

Me: “It is currently with one of our agents, sir. She needs to authorise it before I can—“

Client: “Right. Put her on the line, then.”

Me: “I can certainly put you through to her. May I put you on hold?”

Client: “No! I don’t want to be put on hold. I’m a very busy man! Just pass the phone to her.”

Me: “She’s actually in a separate office, but she has been waiting for your call. I have to put you on hold to be able to transfer the call to her.”

Client: “No, you don’t. You’re lying to me!”

Me: “I’m not lying, sir. I absolutely can put you through—“

Client: *at the top of his voice* “GO. AND. GET. HER. NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t just leave the phone on my desk to do that. It’s against company procedure. In the time we’ve been talking, I could have put you through. If you would allow me to put you on hold–”

Client: “NO! I am a very busy man and I don’t have time. Get her to call me back in the next thirty minutes or I’ll sue your company!”

(The best bit? He called back fifteen minutes later saying no one had called and did the exact same thing to my colleague. He could have saved a lot of hassle.)

Thoughts And Prayers Cause No Actions

, , , | Legal | February 13, 2019

(I am new at an office that deals with contracts. I get my first notification of a customer that’s passed away, through an email from one of the heirs.)

Me: “[Coworker], it seems [Person on Contract] has passed away. Can I close the contract?”

Coworker: “Did they include a death certificate?”

Me: “No, but they did include some sort of prayer leaflet and the invitation for the cremation.”

Coworker: “No, that won’t do. We have to have a death certificate.”

Me: “Really? I mean, isn’t this proof enough?”

Coworker: “Nope, it’s not.”

Me: “Why would anyone try to fake a death?”

Coworker: “Ah, blissfully naive [My Name]. I was once like you… until the day someone came to the office and tried to close an account with fake prayers and fake mourning cards.”

Me: “No way! Someone did that?! How did you find out it was a fake?”

Coworker: “We didn’t, but City Hall did. They found out the person was still alive… when that person tried to claim the benefits for the heirs… themselves.”

(Turns out the lady in question wanted to emigrate and burn all bridges so she wouldn’t have to pay rent, etc. The heirs applied for special benefits to “fly the body to the country of birth,” which was granted. However, the “deceased” thought it was okay to claim this herself as travelling expenses and that no one would recognise her. My coworker was not informed of what happened to the lady, but I hope it involved a little room and a huge fine.)

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