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Arrested For J-Writing

, | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Popular

Me: “All right, sir. If I could have your first and last name for the receipt?”

Customer: “Fred [Last Name].”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know how to spell that. Could you please spell it out for me?”

Customer: “J, E—”

Me: *writes JE*

Customer: “No, ‘J.'”

Me: *looks at receipt*

Customer: “No! It’s a ‘J!'”

Me: “Umm… This is a ‘J,’ sir.”

Customer: “No, you stupid girl. ‘J’ as in green!”

Me: *sighs* “Oh, you meant a ‘G.'” *finishes writing the receipt*

Customer: “You shouldn’t work here if you don’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

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Convenience Is Not On The Cards

| USA | Money, Technology

(I take payments from our customers. The following situation happens on a regular basis.)

Customer: *by email* “Please charge my invoice to my credit card on file.”

Me: *after trying the card, and it is declined* “Your credit card ending in 1234 was declined. If you would like to use another card, please call me with the number.”

Customer: “Oh, that card was compromised/had fraudulent charges on it, so I had to get a new one. The new card number is—” *gives entire card number, expiration date, security code, and billing address*

Me: *after deleting the credit card number* “Thank you for your new credit card number. In the future, please call me if you have a new credit card.”

Customer: “Why? Emailing it is so much faster.”

Me: *facepalm*

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Not The Professional Way To Behave

| CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Time

(My boss is out of the office this morning at a funeral for a family friend. He is going to be gone until about 1:00 pm; it is currently 11:45.)

Customer: “We had an appointment with [Boss].”

Me: “I’m sorry, he’s out of the office until 1:00 pm. It looks like he had you down for an appointment at 1:30. Did our wires cross somewhere?”

Customer: “No, that is when our appointment is for. We just wanted to do it now. Is he at lunch? Shouldn’t he be back soon?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. He’s at a funeral right now. He won’t be back in the office until 1:00. I suggest you come back at your appointment time.”

Customer: *ragingly mad* “That is RIDICULOUS! People need to keep PERSONAL LIFE separate from their WORK LIFE! This is UNACCEPTABLE!”

Me: “Well, I’ll make sure to let him know that you showed up EARLY for your appointment when he gets back from the FUNERAL. We’ll see you at 1:30 for your SCHEDULED appointment. Have a nice day.”

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My Pet Playstation

| USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I work for a security system. Customers can leave dispatch notes for their account in case there’s anything the police need to know when going to their location. Most customers leave notes on firearms or dogs they have in the premises or if their house is hard to find.)

Customer’s Dispatch Notes For Fire: “SAVE MY PLAYSTATION! My girlfriend has a dog. Let the little buddy burn; he’s lived a long life…”

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Let The Music Move You To The Correct Number

| Centennial, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I worked in the IT department at a small company as a system administrator. One day the receptionist calls and says a customer is calling in for tech support, which isn’t possible because we are a print and mail shop, and I only support employees. Intrigued, I have her put him through.)

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi, I have a G-59x unit that I ordered from you all and I can’t get any music out of it. I connected it to the audio source but it’s not playing.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think you must have a wrong number. This is [Company].”

Customer: “That’s right, [Similarly Named Company]! That’s who I bought it from.”

(I do a quick Google search to find that there’s a company whose name is almost, but not exactly, like ours. They make music systems for restaurants, stores, and on-hold music for phones.)

Me: “I found the company you’re looking for online. I have their number if it’ll help.”

Customer: “So you’re refusing to help me? It’s always the same. You call for support and they pass you around from one person to another, and nobody helps.”

Me: *sighing internally and drawing on my vast IT experience* “Have you tried turning it off and on again?”

Customer: “Oh, hey! It’s working now! Thanks!”

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