(I work for a home inspection company. The phone rings and I answer, expecting to speak with someone asking to schedule a home inspection.)

Me: “Hi. This is [My Name] with [Company] Inspection Service; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I live up north and my insurance company told me to call.”

Me: “Okay, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Well, I have diabetes.”

Me: “I’m sorry? What can I help you with?”

Customer: “They told me to call you to get my medication.”

Me: “Um… We are a home inspection company.”

Customer: “So, you can’t give me my meds so I don’t die?”

Me: “I’m afraid not… You have the wrong company.”

Customer: “Isn’t your number [number]?”

Me: “Uh, no, not one digit was the same. I’m so sorry.”

Customer: “So, I’m going to die?”

Me: “I bet if you call that number you won’t.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks… Bye.”

(One of the requirements for our job is that we undergo sexual harassment misconduct training every three years. We hired a new administrator two months ago, so she missed the course and will have to take the course on her own. She comes in one day while I’m making my coffee nearby.)

Coworker: “Huh. It would be nice if you could actually schedule that.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “This note on my desk: ‘[Coworker]: Sexual harassment at 11:00 Saturday.’ It would be nice if you knew in advance when the harassment was coming.”

(Yes, she knew what it really meant. I think she’s going to work out.)

(The office I work in has five full-time employees and one part-time employee. We work from 8:00 am to 4:30 pm, but the part-time position is from 10:00 am to 2:30 pm. When I work part-time, I notice my coworkers get happy when I come in and really happy when I leave. One day, this happens:)

Me: “All right, everyone, see you tomorrow!”

Coworker #1: “Oh, [My Name], I love it when you leave!”

Me: “Uh…”

Coworker #2: “No! Not like that!”

Coworker #1: “What?”

Me: *jokingly* “You love it when I leave? Gee, thanks!”

Coworker #1: “Oh! No, I mean I love it when you leave because it means we only have two hours left!”

Me: “Oh, okay, I get it!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, we love you, but we also love it being close to going home.”

(I’ve been full-time for almost five years now. My lunch break ends when the part-timer leaves for the day, and now I completely get it!)

(I am the bad customer in this story, but in my defense, I have explicitly told the recruiter I am not interested in being called by phone and this lady insists on calling me twice a day for two weeks on both my personal and work numbers. No amount of return calls, voicemails, and emails stops her from calling me. Also worth noting: this company sells seminars for customer service training.)

Me: *picks up the phone* “Hello?”

Sales Associate: “Hi. I am looking for [My Name]? I am with [Company].”

Me: “Hi, I am busy right now. I can’t talk.”

Sales Associate: “All right, well, why don’t I call back later? May I—”

Me: “No, you may not. I would really rather you not call at all.” *click*

(Go take one of your classes, lady.)

(My husband immigrated to the US as a child from a non-European nation. In order to fit in a little better, his cousins suggested that he go by an English name instead of his more difficult to pronounce legal one. Thus, I’ve gotten accustomed to having to spell his name whenever dealing with official matters at the bank, doctor’s offices, etc. Once in a while, I get to have the following exchange.)

Employee: “And what’s your husband’s name?”

Me: “I’m just going to spell it. It’s—” *spells distinctly non-English name starting with a W*

Employee: “Oh, what an interesting name! How do you say it?”

Me: “Bobby.”

Employee: *laughs*