Deranged Decades

, , , | | Right | November 17, 2008

(I used to work summers for my dad, who is a psychiatrist.)

Me: “Good morning, Dr. [Name]’s Office, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. [Name]. Can I speak with him?”

Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointment for you. Are you currently a patient of Dr. [Name]?”

Caller: “Yes, I was a guinea pig of his when he did lithium experiments on me back in the 1940’s.”

Me: “Um… I think you got your dates wrong. Dr. [Name] wasn’t born at that time.”

Caller: “Oh, then in the 1950’s. It was in the 1950’s and he and the government were running secret experiments on me at that time.”

Me: “I doubt that, he would have just been a young child at that time.”

Caller: “Then it was the 1960’s, d*** it! It was at the [hospital] in Alberta in the 1960’s.”

Me: “Dr. [Name] has never practiced in Alberta. He wasn’t even living in Canada at that time.”

Caller: “Are you calling me a LIAR?”

Me: “Well, considering that Dr. [Name] is my dad, I think I’ll take my word over yours.”

Caller: “Well, then we can’t do business. No, we can’t do any business. Goodbye!” *hangs up*

Me: “Wow…”

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But Daddy, I Don’t Wanna Be An Ad Executive

, , , | | Right | October 29, 2008

Me: “Hello, [My Name, Office]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. Yeah, I’m coming into New York next week and I was wondering if you could watch my kid for a while.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Caller: “I googled ‘entertainment’ and ‘New York’ and your name came up. I saw that you do stuff with Nickelodeon. Where are you guys? Can I just drop her off?”

Me: “Sir, this is an office. We handle transmedia needs for companies like Nickelodeon that want to expand awareness of their media into other formats.”

Caller: “Oh, is that good for kids?”

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Ironically, She’s Applying For A Customer Service Position

, | | Right | October 3, 2008

(I work in an employment office where we help people with their resumes. We often send/receive resumes as needed.)

Caller: “Hi, my name is ***. Can you get my resume faxed for me?”

Me: “Where would you like it faxed?”

Caller: “It’s in Drayton Valley, Alberta.”

Me: “Okay, so where in Drayton Valley would you like it sent?”

Caller: “No, no, I need it sent to me HERE. It’s IN Drayton Valley. Someone there has it.”

Me: “Who has it there?”

Caller: “I dunno! Pam… something! She wrote it for me, and I need it! Phone Drayton Valley and get it for me!”

Me: “Miss, Drayton Valley is a TOWN in Alberta. I need the name and number of whatever business or person in that town that has your resume, before I can have it sent here for you.”

Caller: “I know that! Just phone around there! It’s a small town, someone will have it!”

Me: “I can’t exactly go phoning random companies in a town asking if they have your resume.”

Caller: “Well, it’s a small town like here! Someone will have it! Call someone named Pam… something.”

Me: “Okay, look. I either need a company or persons name and their phone number to contact them to ask for it, or I can’t get your resume.”

Caller: “Ugh! But I left my papers at home! Can’t you just phone around?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Caller: “FINE. I’ll have to FIND my papers MYSELF with the number. You’re supposed to be able to get my resume FOR me.”

Me: “Only if I know who to talk to…”

Caller: “Whatever!” *click*

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Existential Dilemmas

, | | Right | September 8, 2008

Me: “Hi, Ms. B***’s office.”

Caller: “Hi, is Ms. B*** in today?”

Me: “No, sorry. She’s on vacation. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “Yes. Wait… are you an answering machine?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am.”

Caller: “Are you sure?!”

 

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Vague & Vaguerer

, , | | Right | September 3, 2008

Me: “Good morning, [Homes Office].”

Customer: *with really thick accent* “How much is house?”

Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?”

Customer: “No, how much is house? House?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.”

Customer: “House! How much is house?!”

Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a nice day!”

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