I’m dealing with a business customer that is a new face in a long-standing relationship between our two companies. I have agreed to the support and product when…

Customer: “Is this the best price you can do?

Me: “That is the set price for your choices, so yes, I believe so.”

Customer: “Well, I need to see some discount, or I know that this will not get approved.”

Me: “Okay, well, looking at your records, it is the same price you have paid for the last three years; it is actually surprising the cost hasn’t gone up.”

Customer: “I want to speak with the MD.”

Me: “Okay, no problem at all. Let me see if he is available.”

My managing director has been listening in and signals to pass the caller through. He puts the call on speakerphone so the office can hear.

Customer: “I want a discount on this order.”

MD: “Sorry, we don’t do discounts.”

Customer: “Oh. I think we will have to cancel the order, then.”

MD: “I’m sorry to hear that. You are aware that we are the only suppliers of a product that you legally have to have to continue selling to your customers?”

Customer: “Oh? Okay, then.”

He approved the funding later the same day.

We had an intern in our office that was graduating, thinking about signing on full-time, and weighing his options against another job offer he had. He was also getting married and thinking about having kids. Given that I had a kid within the last year, he decided to ask me about our company benefits, especially pertaining to family leave. 

We sat chatting for about ten minutes about the different benefits offered. I asked him about different aspects pertaining to his family situation and suggested what may work best for him. 

Over sauntered my Super-Annoying Coworker. [Coworker] inserted himself into the conversation and proceeded to repeat everything I had just said. Then, he launched into a twenty-minute dissertation on the benefits of every job he ever had. The intern and I looked at each other and went back to what we were working on, while [Coworker] continued prattling on, completely oblivious that we were ignoring him. 

Finally, [Coworker] ran out of breath and walked away. I apologized for him and asked the intern if he had any more questions. He replied that he may have more questions… on [Coworker]’s day off.

I work for the county office that coordinates residential waste collection.

Me: “Thank you for calling [County] Waste Collection. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Do you do yard and word sweep?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Do you do tables?”

Me: “Are you asking if we pick up yard waste and tables?”

Customer: “No, tables!”

Me: “Like, a dining room table?”

Customer: “No! On the computer! What do you do to make tables?”

Me: *So confused* “Ma’am, are you calling for tech support?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the office of waste collection, not tech support.”

Customer: “Well, this is the first number I could find!”

I am speechless.

Customer: “So, do you know?”

Me: “Uh… you could try Word or Excel.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You could try Microsoft Word or Microsoft Excel?”

Customer: “What was that word? Excel?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “What do they do?”

Me: “Uh, Word makes simple tables, but if you need a more detailed spreadsheet, you want to use Excel.”

Customer: “Oh, okay! Thank you!” *Hangs up*

Me: “Did that seriously just happen?”

I was in a work-related accident years ago and have a recurring neck issue. During one flareup, I head to our first aid person to note the pain in case I have to leave early from work or go to the doctor.

First Aid: “Where does it hurt?”

I point at the back of my neck and she stands behind me, poking at the spot.

First Aid: “We could try a realignment.”

Me: “No. No, thank you. This is recurring and I just need it noted. I’ll see my doctor if it gets worse.”

First Aid: “But we could just—”

Me: “No. I don’t need treatment. Just please note it.”

She starts massaging the area and pulling me to her.

Me: “Look—”

She takes my head and turns it sharply, making my neck audibly snap.

Me: “What the f***?!”

I stumbled forward away from her, suddenly lightheaded. I walked away, not looking back, furious that she snapped my neck without permission. She’s not allowed behind me ever again.

I started work before nine, and I usually go to lunch at 12:30. My coworker always insists on going at 12:00. I’ve been working on my own since just before noon. I have no idea where the two staff that are supposed to work with me have gone. It’s almost three when they turn back up.

Coworker #1: “Back just in time for me to go home.”

Coworker #2: “Okay, I’m going to lunch.”

Me: “I thought you went to lunch at noon.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, I was going to, but when I got to the lunchroom, [Manager], [Coworker #1] and I decided to have a department meeting at the table while we ate.”

Department meetings are supposed to involve all staff members, usually after hours, but these three staff make up their own rules.  

Me: “Seeing that you’ve eaten, could I go to lunch now?”

Coworker #2: “No, I still need to have my break. Why would you need to go first?”

Me: “I haven’t eaten since eight am and I really have to go to the bathroom right now. I’ve been here for three hours on my own.”

She all but rolls her eyes.

Coworker #2: “Fine, you go, then. I’ll just have to wait an extra half-hour for my break even though I’m really tired.”

I guess sitting down for three hours is exhausting.

Me: “Okay, bye.”