It’s the annual Christmas raffle at work. I’ve missed the last three, as I always book the week of the draw off. The prizes are always naff things bought by the HR manager, things that she seems to like — flowery soap, sayings on signs, cheap perfume, etc. So, I tell whoever will be there to make them redraw the ticket if I win. For some reason, this really annoys the HR manager!

Unfortunately, I have had to use up my holiday early this year and end up working. I am getting on with my work while they perform the spectacle of the prize draw; I almost don’t hear my name. I go up to claim my prize, and it’s a bunch of flowers. Great.

As a single man who doesn’t even own a vase, I pretend to graciously accept the prize. Then, I try to give it away to anyone who will listen when it is all over. I get no takers, so on my way to the car, I ditch them in the dumpster. 

I arrive the next morning to an email from the Human Resources manager; she wants to see me. I dutifully visit her office.

HR Manager: “What is this?”

She has the flowers on her desk.

Me: “Looks like a bunch of flowers.”

HR Manager: “No, these are the flowers you won in the raffle — the flowers you threw in the bin.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, that’s where I’ve seen them before.”

HR Manager: “You are very lucky I don’t write you up for this.”

Me: “For what? Putting my rubbish in the bin when I was off the clock?”

HR Manager: “Rubbish? Just go.”

I can see from my desk that she goes right up to the director. She gestures at me, but he seems less than interested and motions to the door. He does, however, come see me later.

Director: “[HR Manager] was… upset with your actions yesterday.”

Me: “To be frank, do you want a flowery soap, a bunch of cheap flowers, or a reed diffuser?”

He stares at me for a while with a deadpan expression.

Director: “Well, I’m sure the others don’t feel that way.”

Me: “I’m not trying to be rude, but the staff talk, and most of what is won ends up in the bin. The raffle is a great idea, but no one wants it because no one wants to win.”

Director: “Okay, well, thanks for that.”

I didn’t hear much more of that. The next year, the HR manager made a big fuss of not having time to do the raffle, perhaps expecting some big reaction. But she did it anyway; we at least got a few better prizes in the mix.

I work for a public agency that gives its staff loans to buy bikes, which they pay back in monthly installments from their pay. This is usually a fairly straightforward process.

Me: “Good morning, Human Resources office. How can I help?”

Employee: “Did you just take a loan repayment thingy from my account?!”

Me: “Yes. I can see that, as you received your loan two weeks ago, your first repayment has been deducted from your account. We sent you a letter to notify you of this at the time.”

Employee: “But this is outrageous! I haven’t bought the bike yet!”

Me: “I am sorry, but we are not informed when you use the loan, only when you receive it. The repayment period begins once we are notified that the loan has been paid to you.”

Employee: “That’s ridiculous! Why should I pay for a bike I don’t have yet?”

Me: “Because you have received £1000 and it needs to be repaid.”

Employee: “I can’t afford to be paying £83 for a bike I don’t even have yet!”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that; however, you placed the order for this bike loan two months ago. You have had some time to budget for it.”

Employee: “I am very disappointed with this level of service! I demand that you cancel the repayments right now!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Employee: “In that case, I demand to speak to your manager!”

I am aware that my manager is in a toweringly bad mood this morning.

Me: “All right. I’ll see if she’s free.”

She was. I never heard back from the employee again.

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 98
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 97
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 96
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 95
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 94

I’m the idiot in this one.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Her’ro?”

I think they just have a very thick accent.

Me: “Yes, sir, can you hear me?”

Caller: “HER’RO?!”

Me: “Hello? Can you hear me, sir?”

Caller: “PAY! ROLL!”

Me: “Oh! Yes, one moment!”

I work with a woman who is lovely but clearly so fed up with her job that she doesn’t want to be there. She constantly pushes the limits of what she can get away with, doing as little as possible and crying when she’s found out.

It doesn’t bother me to start with, but when I find myself doing her work for her, I am not having it. I complain, but it’s too late; our boss has bought into her many lies and is convinced that she is so busy on so many projects — she just shows up to the meetings — and is even taking work home with her! The work never gets done or is so late that someone else has done it already. I am ignored and actually told I could learn something from her work ethic.

Months pass. Now that I’m forced to work with her every day, I can see how lazy she has become. Everything of hers is way behind or full of really basic errors. Every time I ask for more information on her tasks, she doesn’t know or is “too busy to be bothered by that.”

What annoys me more is that she is never at her desk; she’s always getting coffee or arriving late and leaving early. She disappears for lunch and then takes another lunch at her desk — to show how committed she is. I am rushing around doing her work for her and she spends most of the day on her phone or missing.

It gets to the point where I want to quit, when by chance I spot her ahead of me one day in the shops getting lunch. She hasn’t spotted me make my order or stand behind her, waiting for my food. She pulls out her phone and starts loudly chatting to someone. The topic turns to work and she begins bragging about how she has her manager wrapped around her finger, how she will “just claim discrimination” if he ever disciplines her, and so on.

I take the opportunity and record her on video. I miss a lot, but I catch her actually complaining that she is bored at work and has nothing to do! She says she will probably call in sick after lunch.

I leave before her and head straight back to the office. No surprise, she isn’t there. A while later, my manager brings a stack of folders to my desk.

Manager: “You need to prepare this report today. You’ll probably be working late.”

I have had enough. 

Me: “This is ridiculous. How am I going to do this? This is [Coworker]’s work; I don’t know anything about this.”

Manager: “Well, she has called in sick, really unwell actually. She might not be in the rest of the week.”

Me: *Louder than I mean* “What utter bulls***. She is faking it; I saw her earlier. She’s fine.”

Manager: “You’re on a thin rope here, [My Name]. [Coworker] has been telling me all about how much work you’ve been. How much she’s helped you.”

Me: “She did, did she? Such a good employee, is she? Listen to this.”

I pull out my phone and put the volume to max; the whole office can hear at this point.

My manager listens, says nothing, and goes white. He slowly takes a look at the massive pile of work he has dumped on my desk and seems to tense up.

Manager: “Well, that does change things.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I did tell you this. If you don’t believe me, come to her meetings or ask the others.”

Manager: *Pause* “Yes, I think I will do that.”

Over the next few weeks, our manager suddenly, unannounced, would join the meetings that [Coworker] was so busy in. He would say nothing the whole time. A couple of members of the team mentioned that he was asking questions about [Coworker]’s performance. They all had responses similar to mine.

I had to help her with her work for a few more weeks; she was doing it now but I had to check it before it went out. She kept disappearing and her work never improved. A few weeks after that, our manager announced that she had decided to leave the company.

I am white. Another woman who works in my company is American born but of Japanese descent. We’re both around the same age. We don’t work in the same department but find out we have a lot of common interests, so we often wind up grabbing breaks or lunch together to hang out. One day, a guy from another department comes up.

Guy: “I always see you two together. What do you possibly have to talk about?”

Me: “Uhhh… books, movies, TV… normal stuff?”

Guy: “No, I mean, you’re white, and you’re…”

He looks at my coworker and pauses.

Coworker: *Deadpan* “An engineer?”

Guy: “No! Well, yes. I mean, you’re also… It’s just weird. I don’t know what you’d have in common.”

He hurried off, looking flustered, and my coworker and I had a good laugh. She and I have become even better friends, and she likes to joke about how “touching and truly American it is that a producer and an engineer can overcome the divide to become friends.”