Adding Insult To Injury

, , , , , | Working | December 10, 2017

(I’m a security manager for a large building with both office and industrial areas. One of my workers falls on a stairwell. Per protocol, I contact HR as soon as I’m aware of the incident.)

HR: “Okay, so we have three options: The officer can see a doctor now. You’ll have to transport him, and get him drug-tested, too. Or he can choose to wait to seek treatment. And finally, he can refuse any kind of treatment altogether.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll let him know.”

HR: “The last option is the best one for us. I’d recommend using your best ‘Mom voice’ when you tell him the choices.”

Me: “Are you sure that’s okay?”

HR: “He’s probably fine. We’ve already had several OSHA incidents this year, so I’d rather not do the paperwork on another one.”

The Color Of Incompetence

, , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

I am draftsman in a construction company. I recently did a project modernizing a school. Since it was a public school, our client was the city’s planning department and the person in charge was a civil servant with degrees in architecture and engineering.

Right at the start, things got out of hand. After submitting our ground-plans I got a call from the civil servant. She explained to me that she didn’t like the colours in the plans. I politely explained to her that the colours were determined by a standard and that there was nothing I could do about it. Submitting plans not according to standard can be a huge hassle, since they can be rejected, and we’d have to start over with the approval process. Nevertheless, she insisted we change the colours, so I told her I’d talk to my boss about it.

He told me to propose to her that we’d change the colours under the condition that they pay the entire price for the planning twice as overhead. He hoped that this would make her back down, since that’s a lot of money for essentially ten minutes of work. The civil servant, however, immediately agreed to it.

From there on, it only went downhill. Turns out the architect had planned a server farm in a heritage-protected attic made out of extremely flammable 200-year-old wood. No way we could weld or solder up there without a 24/7 fire-watch person. We proposed a solution to the engineering lady: Using plastic tubes instead of the steel tubes, which would not only be cheaper but also last longer. The lady in charge immediately declined and said we should hire a fire-watch at their cost.

As you can imagine, the project soon went over budget and we had to stop working midway through, since there were no funds left. By then, we had installed all the tubes and cables, but the actual server farm and cooling units were still missing. Four years went by like that and the legal warranty for our work expired.

The city soon took note of that and pleaded to the state government for securing more funds. They got barely enough money to finish the project. However, engineering lady had another plan and used the money to extend the warranty for another four years… for a system not running. Always glad to see my tax dollars well spent.

Unfiltered Story #101125

, , , | Unfiltered | December 6, 2017

(I overhear my coworker discussing a customer with another co-worker:)

Coworker: “She was like what the– well, she used the word hell, but I don’t use the word hell. So she said, “there’s no way in blank…”

(I guess it doesn’t count if you’re talking about the word, only if you used it in context.)

 

Fat Chance Of Caring

, , , | Working | December 4, 2017

(I recently bought a new sweater; it is white with bold red writing on the front which reads: “Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not!” I think it is funny, so I wear it to work. All my other coworkers find it funny, too. But one doesn’t. He is NOT an a**h***! But he always has to voice his opinion, whether anybody wants to hear it or not.)

Coworker: *looking me up and down* ”You look fat in that sweater.”

Me: *pointing at front of said sweater* “You might want to read this again.”

The Only Thing You’re Washing Is Yourself Of This Job

, , , , , | Working | December 4, 2017

(I’m between jobs and doing temporary placements washing dishes to keep up. I’m doing a three-day job in my least favorite kitchen, which has by far the heaviest workload, despite servicing a canteen that’s open two hours a day, at an office in the middle of nowhere. Net result is that 90% of the food gets thrown away. On the third day, I get there, and I find the manager looking angry.)

Manager: “Where have you been?”

Me: “I’m due in at 10:00. It’s 9:50.”

Manager: “The others haven’t turned up. You should have coordinated and arranged to come in if they couldn’t make it!”

Me: “I… don’t know them outside work. If you needed me in earlier, you should have phoned me.”

Manager: “Well, you’d better sort this out now. We’ve had no one working pot wash all morning.”

(He shows me a station where no less than six trolleys are piled high with equipment.)

Me: “Wasn’t there anyone you could have assigned to it?”

(There are about 15 cooks working in this canteen.)

Manager: “I couldn’t spare anyone. Now get on with it!”

(I try my best, but things are piling up faster than I can wash them. After half an hour…)

Manager: “This pile’s bigger than it was before!”

Me: “I’m doing my best. This station is supposed to be run by three people.”

Manager: “Then pick up the pace. We need all this stuff in the next ten minutes!”

Me: “Or what? I’m not an expert, but I’ve seen [Big Restaurant] manage a whole day with half of what you’ve cooked so far. You’re cooking one meal, you’ve been cooking it since lunchtime yesterday, and there’s more food piled up than anywhere else I’ve worked. What do you think is going to happen if you have to wait ten minutes?”

(To my surprise, he can’t respond, but continues to shout at me. Fortunately, I get a call from a company I applied to inviting me to an interview. My contract allows me to use my phone, and I know they’ll offer the interview to someone else if I ask them to, so I find some jobs to do one-handed as I talk.)

Manager: “You need to turn that off!”

Me: *mouthing* “I need to take this.”

(He follows me round while I try to ignore him.)

Manager: “If you want to talk to your friends, I can send you home to do it!”

Me: *covers the speaker for a second* “Do it, then!”

(I dropped the tray I was carrying and left.)

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