(A coworker’s cell phone is ringing with the annoying “Hello Moto” song, so loud that half of the floor can hear it. When the employee returns to her desk, the manager has a talk with her.)

Manager: “So, your phone was going off earlier, and it was doing…” *pause* “Hey, [Other Employee], what was it saying?”

Other Employee: “Oh, the hello moto?”

Manager: “Yeah.”

Employee: “Oh, my phone never goes off.”

Manager: “Well, it did… twice.”

Employee: “No one calls me.”

Manager: “Well, we’re in an office here, and we’re trying to talk to customers and everything. Do you think you could turn the ringer off?”

Employee: “It doesn’t turn off.”

Manager: “It doesn’t?”

Employee: “I don’t know how to.”

Manager: “Maybe you can turn the phone off, since we shouldn’t be taking calls during work.”

Employee: “No, I can’t do that.”

Manager: “When are you moving? Because maybe this is all a moot point, anyway.”

(The employee was being transferred to a different office in less than a month, so the manager just gave up.)

(In my office, we’re allowed to hang up on a customer if they call you names. We also have caller ID. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Office]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *soft mumble, so soft I can barely hear it*

Me: “Excuse me? Hello? Hello??”

Caller: *louder but still mumbling*

Me: “Can you speak up?”

(His speech sounds slurred, as if drunk, but I don’t want to be rude.)

Caller: *suddenly clearly* “CHRIST, YOU’RE STUPID!” *hangs up*

(I was shocked, but I wrote it off as a prank call — we sometimes got those — and went about my business. A few minutes later, the phone rang again. Through Caller ID, I could see it was the same number! I quickly hung up. Sorry, but people who mumble and call others stupid do NOT get service from us.)

(I have a job interview at 10:00 am in a call center. I’m there at 9:50 am, and when I enter the building, I realise I’m immediately in the working area. I find this odd but don’t think much about it since it’s a small company. It takes about five minutes before somebody gets off the phone long enough to talk to me, as there’s no reception desk. I say who I am and why I’m there. It takes about five more minutes before they can call the person who I have an appointment with. They tell me to wait a little bit further, at something I could call a bar, with no chairs, nowhere to sit, about two meters from the desks they’re working, right next to a staircase. I stand there waiting, and see the time going by. At 10:30, still nobody has come to get me. It’s impossible to ask anybody, since they’re all on the phone constantly. I keep waiting, and finally, at 11:30, the boss comes halfway down the stairs and just says:)

Boss: “Yeah, you can come up.”

(I go to his office, where he has already sat down at his desk. All he says to me is:)

Boss: “Okay, sit down. I have a lot of work to do, so I will take the interview while answering emails and phone calls.”

(The whole conversation is him basically repeating what was in the job offer on the Internet, and asking me a few questions to which he would have known the answers if he had read my resume. He doesn’t even listen to my answers, since he’s busy with his email, and keeps answering phone calls, interrupting me all the time. I can’t even ask questions myself, since he’s just not listening. After about twenty minutes of this, he finishes with this gem.)

Boss: “Okay, well, I told you everything I can think about, so just think about the job and call me in a day or two to tell me if you’re still interested.”

(I’m seriously annoyed by his rude attitude and decide I absolutely don’t want the job.)

Me: “Look. I won’t call you back. Just write down somewhere that I’m not a candidate for this job anymore. I’m not planning on working for somebody who can’t even plan his day, since you had to take calls and answer emails while you were having an interview. You didn’t even bother to read my resume, and didn’t even listen to my answers to your questions, or answer mine. I will also not work for somebody who thinks it’s okay to be an hour and a half late, and not even apologise for it. I deserve a little bit more respect than that. And you’re not even able to make a decision yourself, since I have to call you back to tell you if I’ll take the job or not. Sorry, not going to happen. Bye. I know the way out.”

(I didn’t wait for him to react; I just left. Note to employers: when you’re having an interview with a candidate, you might be judging them, but the candidate judges you, as well. If you treat a candidate like a piece of dirt, don’t expect them to want to work for you.)

(I work as a healthcare consultant. We help doctors earn bonus money from Medicare and Medicaid for meeting certain goals. One client’s office manager sent me the data ahead of time, and now I am entering it online, while she is on the phone with me.)

Me: *reading from the question* “Active engagement with an immunization registry. Do you give any shots, any at all?”

Client’s Office Manager: “No. We refer everyone to the county health department.”

(I check the box for “no” and hit continue. The next page is where you enter the numbers related to the goals. One of the measures is flu vaccines.)

Me: “So, this one will be zero, because you…”

(I look at the spreadsheet and see the practice gave fifteen flu shots during the time frame.)

Me: “I thought you said you didn’t give shots?”

Client’s Office Manager: “Oh, we give flu shots. Do those count?”

(I own a small business that I myself operate solely. I have a debit machine through a company that shuts down with very little notice, leaving me scrambling to find a new one. The day I learn of the shutdown, I get a call from another processor company.)

Man: “Hi there! We are calling all customers of [Previous Company] to offer a great deal during this stressful time. Do you have a few minutes?”

Me: “Oh, that’s so convenient! I do, but I will tell you the features I need and we can go from there; that way we don’t waste each other’s time. I need a machine that is portable either by Bluetooth or 3G, supports a tip option, and has an app or ability to be connected to a catalogue system rather than manually writing an invoice and punching in the total.”

Man: “We definitely have that!” *rambles on about one machine*

Me: “What’s the cost per month, and are there sign-up fees?”

Man: “It is $9.95 per month, plus 1.1% for credit purchases and ten cents flat for debit purchases. There is usually a sign-up fee, but for customers of [Previous Company] we are waiving it for all new setups.”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind!”

(Two weeks go by, and I’m running out of time for a new machine. Every other company is either too expensive — $150+ per month — or doesn’t answer their phone. I get a call back from the same man.)

Man: “Have you found a provider, or would you like to go ahead?”

Me: “I guess we will go ahead with it, thank you!”

(Cue two weeks of frustrating emails back and forth about the paperwork they need. They ask for one form, I send it, then they say, “Whoops, we need this one, instead.” “Do you have anything that says this?” “Can you print this and drive twenty minutes to your bank to write three numbers on it and then send it back?” Finally I receive my machine. There is no tip option and no catalogue, even though he assured me multiple times both on the phone and on email that it had them! I call back.)

Me: “You told me many times it supported a tip option and had a built-in catalogue on the app! It doesn’t!”

Man: “No, ma’am, I didn’t say that. None of our machines offer that.”

Me: “Then I’d like to send it back. I was lied to, and I don’t want a machine that doesn’t work for me.”

Man: “I will see if you can cancel your contract early.”

Me: “I did not sign a contract. It’s monthly.”

Man: “My mistake. There is a cancellation fee of $399 to buy out the machine.”

Me: “I haven’t used the machine yet. I’m not paying anything. I signed nothing.”

Man: “Let me call you back; I have to talk with my manager.”

(Two weeks go by with no call back. I leave multiple voicemails and send multiple emails. Nothing. I’m doing some shopping for my business one day and my business debit card gets declined. I know there was plenty of money in there for my supplies, so I stop at the bank and see that there is $9.12 left! A charge for $399, another for $224, and another for $1,165 have come out, all bearing the name of that debit machine provider. Frantically, I call my bank and ask for the charges to be reversed as they are fraudulent, but there is a two- to three-business-day wait and it is a Friday night. I call the machine provider.)

Woman: “The sales rep you were dealing with isn’t in the office at the moment, but I’ve looked over your account and those charges are legitimate. You cancelled your contract, and the charges are $399 for the machine, $224 for the application and paperwork, and $1,165 for early termination.”

Me: “I. Signed. Nothing! You can’t just steal people’s money like that! Refund the charges now! I’m a small-time business with just me, myself, and I, and you’ve left my bank account empty! I have to pay rent for my office! I have orders to pay for!”

Woman: “He just came back in. One moment.”

Man: “Hi, [My Name], we processed your cancellation as you requested, so you’re good to go.”

Me: “No, I told you I wasn’t paying that. I didn’t sign a contract.”

Man: “Yes, you did. That electronic document I sent to you that you electronically signed is your contract.”

Me: “You mean the one that says I agree to pay the percentage and 10 cents per transaction, and that my fees for the start-up were waived as part of the deal for [Previous Company]’s shut down?”

Man: “On page two. That is the contract. You signed a two-year contract and agreed to pay the cancellation fees of [amount] per month if cancelled early.”

Me: “There was only one page.”

Man: “No, there were two. You’re telling me you sign things without reading them?”

Me: “No, a**hole, there’s only one page. I’m staring at the email right now.”

Man: “You must be blind. You’re trying to scam us. Learn to read! I’m forwarding it to you now!”

Me: “Got it. Still only one page!”

Man: “No, there are— Wait… F***, I forgot to send the other one.” *click*

(I still haven’t been refunded. This isn’t a scam company, either; they’re a multi-billion-dollar company that serves more than 50% of businesses in my town!)