(I work in video game publishing as a producer. Part of my job also involves evaluating the pitches we receive, and highlighting any that are particularly noteworthy and worth discussing further. One guy is adamant that he wants to pitch his game to me over a call because he says it’ll give him a chance to really “dive into details.” This is already sort of a red flag; refusing to send us a proper pitch document through the channels makes him sound like a bit of a handful that could be difficult to work with, but I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and grab a call with him. He describes his game, shows me some VERY simplistic and cheap-looking screens, and, well…)

Me: “I’m sorry, but… honestly, that’s just [Insanely Popular Indie Game]. Literally everything you’ve said just makes it sound like a copy, from the characters to the plot details to the mechanics.”

Caller: *dismissively* “Everything is inspired by something.”

Me: “No, this is literally a copy. Note for note, just with different art and names and wording essentially.”

Caller: “Well… you can see that because you’re a professional, ma’am.”

Me: “No, I can see that because I have eyes. [Caller], it’s clear you put a lot of work into this, but I would urge you to channel that into an original project s—“

Caller: “Listen, listen! You’re thinking too small. People will eat it up, anyway. This sort of thing happens all the time.”

Me: “Not at our company, it doesn’t.”

Caller: “So, do you want to cut me an offer or not?”

Me: “Not!”

(While I was annoyed at having my time wasted, I was also amazed at how brazen he was with this completely transparent rip-off. We have had clones of varying quality pitched to us over the years, all of which we also passed on, but this one really took the cake. The cherry on top; he DID send over more documentation later, regardless, and one of the items on his budget was 50k USD to “clear personal debt and improve focus.” It’s been several years and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of his “work.” Guess other publishers have eyes and integrity, too. Who’da thunk it?)

Recently we had an intern who was almost finished with his studies; all he needed to graduate was this internship.

On his first day, he arrived an hour late, but as it was his first day and he had a semi-acceptable excuse, we cut him some slack. He proceeded with his day by dashing his tasks off and browsing the Internet instead of telling us he was finished.

On his second day, he hadn’t arrived at 11:00 am; he was scheduled to start at 8:00 am. I told our boss, and he asked me to send him straight to him. He arrived mid-afternoon and our boss had a few words with him about his work ethic.

On the third day, he didn’t arrive at all. When I told our boss, he allowed me to call him. His explanation was — I wish I was kidding — “[Boss] told me if I come in late tomorrow again I’d better not come at all. So… see you tomorrow.”

He seemed genuinely confused that he was fired during that phone call. From his point of view, he just did what he was asked. I still feel sorry for him, as I’m not sure he was able to graduate after failing his internship. But, dear Lord in heaven, how can anyone be so oblivious that he doesn’t understand that working two to three, or even zero hours a day when you’re paid for eight is unacceptable?

Customer: “I need copies of my statements. I need them right away; how do I access them?”

Me: “Are you set up to receive your statements electronically, sir?”

Customer: “Yes, I am. Since November of 2015, I think it was.”

Me: “Then you’re receiving your statements by email as a PDF attachment.”

Customer: “I get my statements, I look at them, and then I move them to the trash folder, and then my trash folder empties. But I need the statements right away for my taxes.”

Me: “…”

(I work at a business that offers free notary service. A woman comes into my office to have some forms notarized. She has partially filled out one of the forms incorrectly, with the wrong person’s name, which means I cannot notarize that document.)

Customer: “I have this form I need notarized, but I filled it out incorrectly. Can I just cross through it and refill it, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, not for a document that needs notarizing.”

Customer: “Okay, just make a copy, then, and I’ll fill it out correctly.”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot notarize a copy of it either.”

Customer: “WHY NOT? MAKE ME A COPY SO I CAN FILL IT OUT CORRECTLY AND NOTARIZE IT!”

Me: “A copy will still have the incorrect information on it; I’d be making an exact copy of what you’re holding.”

Customer: “NO! Make me a copy and I can refill it out.”

Me: “That’s not possible.”

(She left after threatening to move her accounts elsewhere. I don’t think she ever understood what a “copy” meant.)

(There’s one guy in my office who doesn’t seem to have a filter between his brain and his mouth. He continually goes out of his way to make stupid puns and lame jokes, apparently in a misplaced belief that this makes him hilarious. Nobody ever laughs. A coworker comes by to let us know he is going to be out for a day.)

Coworker: “I’m taking next Tuesday off. I have to take my wife to an appointment.”

Joker: “Oooh! Taking her out for drinks and dancing, eh? Eh?”

(Our coworker just stares at him for a moment.)

Coworker: *tightly* “No, we’re going to the oncologist to talk about her liver cancer.”

(This was news to the rest of us, too — we didn’t know he was dealing with that! — but “an appointment” is almost never a fun time!)