I have been on holiday for two weeks. Not five minutes after stepping into work, I am dragged into a meeting with a woman from Human Resources that I have never met before. She tells me a story of a colleague who took medication from my office that she was allergic to.

Human Resources: “After a thorough investigation, it has been decided that you will be issued a formal written warning.”

Me: “Hold up. I want to make sure I have this right. First: my office can only be unlocked with three keys. One key is on my keyring and was with me during my holiday. The other two are skeleton keys that open any door on this floor. They are in possession of the cleaner and owner of this building. This means that either [Colleague] stole one of those keys, or she entered my office while either the cleaner or owner had it unlocked.”

[Human Resources] is just staring at me blankly, so I continue.

Me: “Second: my desk is locked and both keys are on this keyring—” *points to my keys* “—which means either [Colleague] forced the lock on my desk, or she has access to a key I have no knowledge of.”

Again, a blank stare.

Me: “Third: all the medication I keep in my desk is locked inside a security box, because I am on medication that is controlled, and the only way [Safety Manager] would allow me to keep it here is with that assurance. Again, both keys that can open it are in my possession, so she either broke into the box, or she has access to another key I have no knowledge of, which I can’t even imagine how she would have gotten. And fourth: she found a box labelled ibuprofen and wilfully took it, knowing she was allergic.”

Human Resources: “She didn’t know she was allergic. She only just found out at the hospital.”

Me: “Oh, no, she did know. Everyone in this office knows. Every time she has a headache, she asks people for what they have and tells us every time, without fail, that she is allergic.”

[Human Resources] has pressed her lips together so hard they’re practically a line.

Me: “So, after all this, I am the one being written up? What else could I have done prevent this?”

Human Resources: *After a long pause* “I’ll look further into this.”

Me: “Cool. Either [Colleague] is secretly a spy, or she is lying through her teeth.”

After the meeting, I checked my office top to bottom. No evidence of tampering, and it looked like every pill in my box was accounted for. So much for “a thorough investigation”.

I work for a small company in an “at-will” state, meaning you can be fired at any time and the person firing you doesn’t have to give a reason. The owner of the company is of German descent, though this isn’t publicly known; I know it because he grew up on the same block I did and our families are friends.

We’re all eating lunch together in the break room and watching a tennis tournament on the TV. A German player loses, and one of my coworkers speaks up.

Coworker: “That must be one sour Kraut.”

Owner: “[Coworker], you’re fired.”

It’s the last day of the big office move. We have 150 people, equipment, and stock all being transferred to new premises. A few of us are getting the last of the odds and ends. I’m stood in the doorway propping it open and talking to a coworker, checking we have got everything.

Woman: “Ugh, are you two going to do anything?!”

She shoves past us.

Me: “What’s her problem?”

Coworker: “Oh, yeah. She got caught not helping and was told off by [Big Boss].”

Me: “Well, she needs to wind her neck in. I’ve been here since five.”

It’s not long before she comes back, muttering how this is all a “waste of time”. She stomps right up to us.

Woman: “What exactly are you two doing? Apart from being a doorstop!”

Coworker: *Sighs* “We are doing a final sweep of the rooms to check everything is off and we have taken everything.”

Woman: “Pff, what’s the point in that?”

Me: “What’s the point in checking we have taken everything?” *Pauses* “To make sure we’ve not forgotten anything.”

Woman: “Did I ask you?! And I don’t need you to hold the door for me. I swear I’ve seen more use out of a—”

I don’t hear the rest of the sentence as I step away and let the door close in her face. This door is an old wooden door, normally not used as it sticks shut whenever it gets wet, like today. [Woman] bangs and shouts and curses, and then she bangs some more, all while we load the last of the stuff in the van.

Eventually, I get a call from my boss.

Boss: “What the h*** is going on down there? I’ve had [Woman] scream down the phone at me, saying you locked her in.”

Me: “I was just doing what I was told; she said she didn’t want me to hold the door for her.”

Boss: “Just let her out.”

Me: “There’s more than one door to the building; none of them are locked.”

Boss: “Just let her out, please.”

I went back to the building and opened the double doors not fifteen meters from her, and she pushed past me again with a variety of insults. I know she complained about me, but she did so while also swearing at her boss, so it went nowhere.

I work for a construction company as a secretary. Twice a week, the heads of both the construction company and the customers will meet to go over progress. For the last few meetings, [Manager] has been asking for access to the air conditioning system. I haven’t seen the control panel myself, but from what I gather, it is under lock and key to avoid running up an electric bill for the customer.

Manager: “As you know, it’s been very hot here lately.”

Customer: “Oh, I know! I’ve had my AC down to sixty-five for a week!”

Manager: “Right, so the guys are out there building in the heat and—”

Customer: “I would hate that. More power to them, though!” *Laughs*

[Manager] is still polite and even-toned, but I can see he’s getting annoyed.

Manager: “So, the air conditioning units—”

Customer: *Angry* “I don’t know why you keep bringing up these air conditioners. You do not have access; you will not have access. What is so hard to understand? You have fans, you have water, and there is shade along the building. Do we need to go over the contract?”

[Manager] calmly pulls a copy out of the folder in front of him and points to a specific section.

Manager: “Right here, it states that you will allow us to use the air conditioner if the building exceeds eighty degrees. It has been over ninety-five for the last week. We have documented the conditions using thermometers at various places every hour of the workday. You are in breach of your contract and, as such, we have every right to pull our employees off this project today.”

Customer: *Blushing furiously* “I… Well… How was I… When was this changed?!”

She snatches the contract and glares at it.

Manager: “It was never changed. You signed it.”

Customer: *Meekly, still blushing* “We will provide access codes at the end of the meeting.”

The workers got their air conditioning within the hour.

I work the phones at our small company. Because we are a business, we have typical things like copy machines. A call comes in asking for the model number of our copy machine so they can send us the toner. This is a scam where they ask for the model number, send out toner to our office at two times the cost, and bill us.

We also already have extra toner from when the machine was serviced last week. We also have a contract with the company that sold the copy machine to us, so I know this is fake. However, I decide to play along.

Scammer: “We just need the model number of your copier so we can send you the toner.”

Me: “Shouldn’t you have that already?”

Scammer: “Yes, we have the serial number but not the model number.”

Me: “If you have a serial number, then shouldn’t you be able to figure out what the model number is from the contract? Can you give me the serial number?”

Scammer: “Shut up, you f****** a**hole.” *Hangs up*

I couldn’t help but laugh.