icon_extrastupid

No Cure For That Kind Of Stupid

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular

(I’m ducked down in my area, rummaging through my purse. My boss is talking to a customer. I take out my prescription bottle, shake one pill into my palm, and swallow it before standing back up.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you just did that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, did what?”

Customer: “You just took drugs, blatantly! And in front of your boss!” *turns to my boss* “What are you going to do about it?”

Boss: “Why would I do anything?”

Customer: “She took a pill! She took a pill right out of her purse and swallowed it!”

Me: “Yes, I did. It’s prescription, though. It was time for my next dose.”

Customer: “This is outrageous!”

Boss: “Sir, I am failing to see the problem. If you saw her take her medicine, then you would have clearly seen that it was a prescription bottle, and I can confirm that her name is on it. She did nothing illegal and I’m not about to stop her from taking her medication.”

Customer: “She shouldn’t do that in front of people. It’s DISGUSTING!” *storms off*

Me: “I… what? What?!”

Boss: *rubbing his head* “Do you have anything in your bag for stupidity? We could hand out free samples.”

icon_religion

Church Of Death

| USA | Religion

(I’ve been hired to do some phone-banking. I’m given a list of names and numbers.)

Me: “Hello, is [Name] there?”

Customer: *pause* “She died last week.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that…”  *hangs up*

Coworker: “What happened?”

Me: “I just had a very awkward conversation.”

Coworker: “It’ll get better, I promise.”

(I dial the next number.)

Me: “Hello, is [Name] there?”

Customer #2: “What?”

Me: “I’m calling on behalf of—”

Customer #2: “Are you kidding? It’s Sunday! It’s my church day! You can’t do this!” *hangs up*

Me: “Yup, I don’t think it’s getting better…”

icon_checkout

Gone Acrobatty

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I’m helping a woman and her toddler, and the computer is taking an unusually long time processing her order.)

Me: “Sorry, it’ll just be a while.”

Woman: “No problem.” *to toddler* “I’ll just put you down, okay?”

(As she bends over, I see an impatient-looking couple behind her. As she fusses with her child, the couple does an acrobatic trick that makes it look like they’re making out on TOP on the woman, from my angle. The woman then straightens up, not noticing, and they straighten up, too. This happens over and over a few times. The toddler has gone quiet. Finally, the printer prints out the woman’s receipt.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Woman: “Thanks!” *to toddler* “Come on.”

(They left, the toddler staring at the couple with a grin. The couple acted like nothing strange had happened. Maybe they really were acrobats?)

icon_ruderisque

Dealt With It Single-Handedly

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I am a receptionist at a busy insurance brokerage in downtown Vancouver. For the previous three years, I’d get a random obscene phone call in February. It seemed to me that someone was going alphabetically through a phone book and dialing random businesses, and February was when he got to me. It was getting annoying. One day I answer the phone:)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Insurance Broker]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Guess what I’m holding in my hand?”

Me: “If you only need one hand I’m not interested.”

Caller: “…” *click*

icon_languagewords

Arrested For J-Writing

, | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Popular

Me: “All right, sir. If I could have your first and last name for the receipt?”

Customer: “Fred [Last Name].”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know how to spell that. Could you please spell it out for me?”

Customer: “J, E—”

Me: *writes JE*

Customer: “No, ‘J.'”

Me: *looks at receipt*

Customer: “No! It’s a ‘J!'”

Me: “Umm… This is a ‘J,’ sir.”

Customer: “No, you stupid girl. ‘J’ as in green!”

Me: *sighs* “Oh, you meant a ‘G.'” *finishes writing the receipt*

Customer: “You shouldn’t work here if you don’t know the alphabet.”

Me: “Have a nice day.”

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