Early Bird Gets To Worm Out Of It

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in an office that opens every day at 8 am. Everyday, we have appointments for various functions. Today, we have appointments for people to come in and complete paperwork, which requires that they bring certain documentation, like a photo ID or social security card. The earliest of these appointments is scheduled at 11:45 so that the morning can be spent on regular office duties. As a result, most of the staff, including myself, do not start until 11 am. This happens just as I am coming into work.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, I’m going to start getting set up for our appointments today.”

Coworker: *indicating the only person sitting in our waiting area* “Great. He’s been here since 9 am for his appointment.”

(I’m a bit surprised that someone would show up over two hours early for an appointment, but start setting up by myself, since no one else has arrived yet. By the time the rest of the staff arrives to help, I am exhausted from rushing and pause to take a breather and check on the front desk. When I get there, the man approaches the desk.)

Man: “Excuse me, how much longer am I going to have to wait? I was hoping to be done by now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re still getting set up. We’ll be beginning as soon as we can.”

Man: “Can’t someone just help me now? I’ve been waiting for a very long time.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re not even scheduled to begin taking paperwork until 11:45. That is why we didn’t schedule any appointments until then. Our staff has actually only just gotten here, but we’re working as fast as we can to take you.”

Man: *grumbling as he sits down* “I shouldn’t have to wait. Someone should just be able to help me.”

(Having caught my breath, I leave the desk to check on the rest of the staff, and see that we are just about ready to begin, so I call the front desk to check in the man for his paperwork appointment, about ten minutes early. After waiting five minutes and seeing no sign of him, I go to the front desk to see that he is gone.)

Me: “Hey, where did that guy go?”

Coworker: “Oh, when I told him I could check him in and asked for the documentation, he said that he didn’t have it all. So, I told him he would have to reschedule, or go home to get it. So, he left.”

Me: “He showed up two hours early and didn’t even have everything we asked him to bring?”

Coworker: “That’s not even the worst of it. When he got here at nine, he asked to borrow a pen so he could start filling out the paperwork we gave him three days ago!”

(Let this be a lesson. If you have time to show up early, you have time to make sure you’re prepared!)

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 9

| Extra Stupid

(I work in customer service in an office. Most of my client interactions are over e-mail.)

Client: “Can you find the instructions for [item]?”

Me: “Certainly, sir.”

Client: *before I e-mail him the instructions* “I think the [item] is broken now. I didn’t buy it from you, but can’t you replace it anyway?”

Me: “No. That’s not the way this works.”

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 8
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 7
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 6

Pest Control And Out Of Control

| FL, USA | Bizarre

(I’m work in the office for a pest control company. Part of my job is to answer phones to schedule or reschedule services for customers. Around four pm every day, our automated system calls customer to remind them of upcoming services dates, so we are inevitably flooded with return calls from people who don’t listen to their messages. Most of the calls are pretty routine, but this one broke the mold in a big way.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “You just called me!”

Me: “That was likely our automated system confirming your next service. Could I have your address to look up your account?”

Customer: “What?! You’re going to have to speak up! It’s loud in the ambulance!”

Me: “Pardon…?”

Customer: “My husband’s on the way to [Local Hospital]! You need to speak up!”

Me: *speaking loudly and quickly, as this is the last response I was expecting* “We were calling to confirm your next service! It’s exterior-only, so you don’t have to be home! Have a nice day, ma’am!”

(I hung up quickly and just stared at my phone in stunned silence as to why someone would prioritize calling back their pest control company over making sure their husband was okay!)

The Biggest Pest Isn’t The Wasp

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I use to work as an admin for a pest company. The techs make their own schedules with monthly visits to customers and fit in people that have called for re-treatments. Usually when people call in asking for an extra service I can get them to wait a day or two to help the techs.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a wasp in my screen porch!”

Me: “Oh, dear! Well, to help your tech, do you know where the nest might be in your porch?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. Have you seen them flying in a certain direction?”

Customer: “No. It’s just one that got inside. Can you just send the tech now to kill it!”

Me: “Wait, you want me to have the tech go off route now to kill one wasp?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Have you seen a lot of activity outside?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Let me see what I can do.”

(I put her on hold and tap my fingers for a few moments and have a snack. It’s our busy season and that route is our largest and busiest with only one tech near it. I wasn’t about to call him for one wasp.)

Me: “Thanks for holding. I called the tech and he won’t be able to fit you in today. I could put in a request for tomorrow.”

Customer: “What?! I pay you guys good money to take care of pests! What am I supposed to do about this wasp?”

Me: “Hit it with a rolled up magazine.”

Customer: “What?! How dare you! I want my tech to call me!”

Me: “I can do that. Have a nice day.”

(I send a message for the tech to call her. Two hours later he ran in for supplies.)

Tech: “What the h*** was that all about?! She wanted me to go kill one wasp!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I told her to hit it with a magazine.”

Tech: “So did I! I’m not going 20 minutes off route to spray one wasp! I’m lucky I found the time to pick up more chemicals!”

(Seriously, yeah, you are paying us, but so are tons of other people. Grow up and slap it with a newspaper. Sadly, that was not the first or last call I got like that. One involved a dead hamster under the stove. Another was a frog… in their yard.)

Having Some English Patience

| FL, USA | Geography

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, you have an accent!”

Me: “I certainly do. Now, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I am from England; what is it I can help you with?”

Customer: “Oh, England. Is that part of London? Because you sound like them.”

Me: “Well, London is the capital of England. London is just a city in England which is a country. I’m also from the north of England and have never been compared to somebody from London before when talking about my accent.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, well, I need an invoice for week… You know what? I already have it, sorry.”

Me: “Okay, well, if you have any more concerns don’t hesitate to contact me.”

Customer: “Oh, I will; I love London.”

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