Scammers Talk In A Different Toner

| MI, USA | Working | March 7, 2014

(I’m the accounts payable clerk for a local branch of a large company. I receive an invoice from a company I’ve never heard of, billing us for toner. This is odd, as our company-wide lease contract for our copiers includes toner, so we’ve never bought any. I investigate, and determine a scammer had hooked an unwitting night-shift receptionist by claiming to be our ‘usual supplier’ and offering a ‘limited time offer, only good tonight’ deal. FTC rules prohibit ‘unfair or deceptive’ business practices, which includes this scam. FTC rules also say that merchandise sent as part of a of fraud is legally considered a gift and does not need to be returned. I shred the scam invoice, but the scammer starts calling to dun us for payment on the toner. I played along at first…)

Scammer: “When can we expect payment for the shipment?”

Me: “Here’s the problem: we have no record of this purchase, or of the shipment. Who did you say placed the order?”

Scammer: “[Name of night-shift receptionist.]”

Me: “She doesn’t have the authority to order anything.”

Scammer: “Oh, okay. We’ll make sure we go through the right channels next time. I just need you to pay for the order we already sent.”

Me: “Let me make sure I understand. You cold-called our night shift receptionist, falsely purported to be our supplier, and, on her verbal agreement, without a purchase order or any other documentation from us, you shipped hundreds of dollars worth of product across the country to a company with which you have no contract and no existing relationship?”

Scammer: *silence*

Me: “If you’re not a con artist, you’re simply too dumb to be in business.”

Scammer: “F*** you!”

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Happy When Stoned

| NY, USA | Romantic | March 5, 2014

(I’ve just recently become engaged.)

Boss: “Gee, suddenly you’re the happiest girl in the world.”

Me: “I was always the happiest girl in the world. Now I’ve just got the diamond to prove it.”

Not A National Claim

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Working | March 3, 2014

(I am the receptionist. Telemarketers often try to be put through to one of the company directors, and part of my job is sorting the legitimate calls from the salespeople.)

Me: “Good morning. [Company Name]. This is [My Name].”

Caller: “Hi, it’s [Name] from National. Can I speak to [Director], please?”

Me: “Sure, but, sorry. I missed who you were?”

Caller: “My name’s [Name].”

Me: “And where were you calling from?”

Caller: “From National.”

Me: “… Okay. National what?”

Caller: “Uh, National Corporation.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “There’s no way that’s a business name.”

Caller: *indignant* “Yes, it is!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Unless you have a good reason to speak to [Name], I can’t put you through.”

Caller: “Fine. I’ll just email him!” *click*

(I checked with that director’s assistant later. We definitely don’t have any dealings with a company called ‘National Corporation,’ and if this person really had the director’s email address, they would also have had his direct phone number and not needed to come through reception at all!)

The Habit Kicked You

| USA | Working | February 26, 2014

(Coworker #1 and #2 are a heavy smokers; I’m not. They are both leaving, as it’s the end of their shift, and I’m just starting.)

Coworker #1: *waves* “I’m out! Bye! I’m hitting the bars!”

Coworker #2: “Oh! Can I go with you, too?”

Coworker #1: “Uh, sure. I don’t mind. Let’s go in my car, okay?”

Coworker #2: “Sure! Great!”

Me: “Have fun guys!”

(They both leave together, talking about their night on the town. I go about my daily business, doing my work. About an hour later, Coworker #2 returns, looking sick.)

Me: “Hi! How was the bar? What’s the matter? Did you drink too much?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, my gawd. Do you have any body spray? Perfume maybe?”

Me: “Sure. But why?”

Coworker #2: “I was just with [Coworker #1] in his car, and his car STANK! Tobacco stains all over the seat, windows, dashboard, dirty trash everywhere. It was gross and now I have a smoke smell all over my clothes and myself. Ugh! Yuck!”

Me: “Oh. I see how that can be disgusting, since I don’t smoke. But… wait a minute… You do smoke, [Coworker #2]!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Me: “So… you should be used to the smell, right?!”

Coworker #2: “Yes, but not like THAT. He was smoking with the windows up on the way there, two cigarettes at one time! Now my wife will think I smell disgusting! Give me your perfume, please.”

Me: “Okay, here you go, but it is a lady’s perfume. You’ll smell like a girl! Maybe your wife won’t like that!”

Coworker #2: “I don’t care. I want to! I WANT TO SMELL LIKE A GIRL!”

(He used up all my perfume, spraying himself desperately. I laughed, since Coworker #2 is usually very calm and that’s the first time I’ve seen him lose his control. Afterward, Coworker #2 quit smoking, saying he never noticed how disgusting the habit was until that night!)

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Smack-Bang In The Middle Of The Morning

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | February 25, 2014

(A coworker comes in looking particularly exhausted one morning.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “You don’t look awake yet.”

Coworker: “Not at all.”

Me: “Maybe we should have someone sneak up behind you and yell ‘boo!'”

Coworker: “They’d get smacked.”

Me: “Okay. Well, then I’ll get someone who works over there to do it.”

Coworker: “I’ll give you a list. That way it’s a win-win… except for the person who gets smacked.”

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