One of the new tech guys comes into the office. He looks twenty at most.

Tech Guy: “Hi, I’m here to see [Coworker].”

Coworker: “That’s me. Why?”

Tech Guy: “You put in a ticket about your work phone autocorrecting words it shouldn’t be?”

Coworker: “I did?”

Tech Guy: “Uh, yeah. I got the ticket right here.”

[Tech Guy] shows the ticket, and [Coworker] laughs.

Coworker: “I forgot about that! I sent that for your boss as a joke last week. How long have you been in the tech department?”

Tech Guy: “This is my first week.”

Coworker: “Sorry, dude, he’s hazing you. He’s my friend, and this is what he does. I’m sorry.”

The poor tech guy leaves the office, looking confused.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], what was the ticket?”

He shows me:

Ticket: “Work phone keeps autocorrecting “surely” to “Shirley” when left in Airplane mode.”

Me: “Yeah, that kid was waaaaay too young to ever get that reference.”

I’m not tech support, or even IT, I’m simply the youngest person in my department and have the most tech-related knowledge, so I’m usually in charge of implementing any kind of documents or processes in our software, Excel, etc. 

A coworker just came to me and asked me to redo and simplify the Excel sheet. A tech-illiterate coworker is complaining about how inefficient it is and that she doesn’t understand it.

She’s the temporary stand-in for me because I have the next two weeks off. To clarify, it’s literally a table with three columns and a bottom row summing up column B and C, respectively. (A is for the date). 

So, because I don’t really know what’s supposed to be so hard about typing in a number into a cell, I walk over and ask what the problem is.

Me: “Hi, [Tech-Illiterate Coworker], I heard you have trouble with the sheet?”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “Yes! The list makes no sense. Why did you only put one field for the sum? It’s totally inefficient because now I have to print out a new page every day!”

Me: “What? Why would you print it out? It sums it up automatically.”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Okay, explain to me how you intended to go about it.”

Tech-Illiterate Coworker: “I print it out and write the numbers into the fields. Then, after each day, I add it up and write the total in the last row. But I have to print out a new one every day. That makes no sense!”

Cue me explaining that in Excel, you can type a number into a cell and the SUM-function adds up the numbers automatically; you don’t have to use a calculator.

And no, you don’t have to print it out; you just leave it in the group share folder where it’s already in.

And no, you don’t have to send the thing as a printed-out version to our boss because she has access to the document and can check it whenever. 

Sadly, I can’t appoint someone else as a stand-in because the others are too busy. Due to this, my manager asked me to fill in the Excel sheet even though I’m on vacation. She now only sends me the numbers via email, and then I update the document.

So… she can type in the numbers into Outlook and send me an email, but can’t type the same numbers into Excel and click “save.” Great.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], I saw you emailed the office to say you made chocolate muffins for everyone?”

Coworker: “Yes! Help yourself!”

Me: “Did you mean to start the email with “As an extra treat for everyone…”?”

Coworker: “Yeah! Wait… why?”

Me: “Instead of treat, you wrote ‘threat’.”

Coworker: “Oh!”

Another coworker walks over toward the Tupperware containing the muffins.

Other Coworker: “Oooh! Yes! These definitely have a threatening aura! Are they poisoned? Or is one of them hiding a grenade?”

Coworker: *Furiously trying to recall the email.”

Our manager has assigned three of us to work together on a project. One of my coworkers, who is originally from the UK, is talking to the manager near me.

British Coworker: “[Manager], I’m happy to work with [My Name] on the project, but I cannot under any circumstances be expected to produce good work with [Coworker].”

Manager: “What are you talking about? She knows the work.”

British Coworker: “I’m sure, but she can’t help but throw in, I’m going to be diplomatic and use the phrase ‘running commentary’, about the UK and me being British.”

Manager: “What do you mean?”

British Coworker: “When she first picked up on my accent, she asked if I was an English refugee escaping now that the UK has been overtaken by Sharia law.”

Manager: “Ooookay, so she’s a bit misinformed.”

British Coworker: “The last time I worked with her, she asked me if I was going to fix my face now that I was in a country with real healthcare and not in one with all of that socialist stuff.”

Manager: “I feel like you’re exaggerating a little bit.”

British Coworker: “I really… really wish I was.”

Manager: “Well, let’s just give her another chance, yeah? Maybe she was having some off days.”

[British Coworker] sighs but tells [Manager] she’ll give it a shot, but will have zero tolerance for any more passive-aggressive comments.

On day one of working together on the project, we lasted almost an hour before this happened:

Coworker: “So, [British Coworker], did you vote for Brexit, or did you vote for the people who want to replace the statue of Winston Churchill with Osama Bin Laden?”

By hour two, [Coworker] had been… reassigned.

A young guy has just started in the office on his first day. It’s a quiet day, everyone working diligently, when suddenly this guy screams on top of his lungs. Like, a full-blown give-it-your-all deafening holler. Everyone jumped, and I spilled my coffee.

The HR officer was right there, and she ran over to him.

HR Officer: “Are you okay?!”

New Guy: “Oh yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to see how loud I could scream.”

Everyone in the office shares a look. The HR Officer looks pointedly at the recruitment guy, who starts digging out the newbie’s CV, maybe to look for clues as to why this guy is like this  (couple years employment gap in a psychiatric facility, maybe?).

The newbie never did it again, and as far as I know, he continued to work there like a normal bloke for a few years. I only know I didn’t dream it because my coworkers and I would bring it up from time to time to ask, “Did that really happen?”