A Tale Of Fired And Ice

, , , , , , , | | Working | June 7, 2019

(It snowed yesterday, turning into freezing rain overnight. I was an hour late coming into work last week — never set my alarm — so I have been very anxious trying to be on time or early every day since, so I run out the door without my snow boots, knowing it will only add time to my commute and make me even later. I make it to my car to find that the few inches of snow on my car are completely covered in ice. I text my bosses to let them know I am not going to be there on time due to the snow and ice, and I receive:)

Text From Boss: “Okay, drive safe.”

(In an effort to minimize how late I am going to be; I begin furiously chopping away at the ice. This is a difficult task, and my slip-on flats are exposing my feet to the elements. After about ten minutes, I decide it is time to get my boots. Walking probably quicker than I should back to my condo, I find myself lying on my back looking up at the sky with a sharp pain on the back of my head. I lay there for a few seconds, remember what my mission is, and scramble to my feet and onto the sidewalk. I swap out my footwear and shuffle back to the car. Once I break the car free, I text my bosses the update of my slip. While driving to work, I keep thinking about the pending “talk” with my boss and wonder if I am going to be fired. The minute I arrive at the office, 40 minutes late, I am surrounded by my bosses and coworkers, all of whom have adult children my age.)

Boss #1: “Oh, my gosh, are you okay?”

Coworker #1: “Do you think you have a concussion?”

Boss #1: “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

Coworker #1: “Did you make it here okay?”

(I’m an overly emotional person, and after thinking I would get fired, the frustration with the snow and ice, and the startling slip with a hard hit on my head, I burst into tears.)

Boss #1: “Oh, no! What’s wrong?”

Coworker #1: “Are you hurt?”

Boss #1: “Are you okay?”

Coworker #1: “Aww, why are you crying?”

Boss #1: “Do you need a hug?”

(My boss offers a hug, saying I remind her of her daughter my age, and tells me to take a few minutes in the bathroom to clean up and compose myself. All is well after that. The rest of the day is sprinkled with ice and concussion jokes, but they also sincerely keep checking in on me and my head. At one point, one of my bosses asks how I am feeling as she is walking out the door.)

Boss #2: “Hey, are you okay? How’s your head?”

Me: “It’s fine, thank you.”

([Boss #2] starts to close the door behind her.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name], how many [Boss #2]s do you see?”

Me: “Well, none, since she’s out the door.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, good. If you said two or one-and-a-half, I was going to be concerned.”

Coworker #2: “What day is it?”

Me: “Wednesday.”

Coworker #2: “Who’s the president?”

Me: “Don’t remind me…”

Coworker #1: “Okay, good, she’s aware. Don’t remind her, [Coworker #2].”

Coworker #2: “I was just making sure.”

Me: “That concussion is looking better and better.”

(Later that day, I decided to look up the official weather policy. If schools are delayed two hours or more or are canceled, employees are allowed an extra hour to arrive safely. I was within the hour, so I breathed a sigh of relief reading that. At the end of the day, with [Boss #1] gone, I talked to [Boss #2] about what was running through my head that morning. I told her I was scared I was going to get fired, but she assured me that as soon as [Boss #1] saw the text that I slipped and hit my head, she was extremely concerned and no anger was present at all. I get to be employed another day, and my alarm has been preset earlier for every work day, so I hopefully won’t have to worry about being late again.)

Paper Trail Fail Meets Laptop Flop

, , , , | | Working | June 6, 2019

(Over the office instant messaging system:)

Coworker: “My laptop is very big and heavy. Can I get a new one that is smaller?”  

Me: “Sure thing! I just need your manager to send me an email requesting it, so that we have the paper trail in case the expense gets challenged.”

Coworker: “Really? Wow. That’s so much work. I’ll just keep the laptop I have now.”

Me: “O… kay… Have a nice afternoon?”

(Still not sure what part of requesting your manager to send me a single email qualifies as “so much work.”)

Training With Real Bite

, , , , , | | Working | June 5, 2019

(I am entering data from training evaluations that my section organized. Some of the clients speak English as a second language.)

Question: “What did you like most about this training?”

Answer: “Everything, specifically the biting.”

(From what I gathered, this training gave tips on how to STOP CHILDREN from biting each other.)

I Just Ran Into A Cliché

, , , | | Friendly | June 4, 2019

(For context, I work in social services, and I deal with many families experiencing domestic violence. One morning, I am running late to a meeting and rush out the door of my office. Unfortunately for me, the handle jams and the door doesn’t open. I crash into it face first, hard, and end up with a nice goose egg on my forehead. By the time I get back for a previously scheduled meeting with my supervisor, I have a prominent, black-and-blue bruise above my right eye. My supervisor is, understandably, concerned when we meet.)

Supervisor: “Oh, my God! What happened to you?”

Me: “It’s fine. I just ran into a door.”

(My supervisor pauses and gives me a weird look.)

Supervisor: “Really?”

(It suddenly occurs to me that “ran into a door” is a stereotypical excuse used to cover up domestic violence, and is similar to one we might hear from a client.)

Me: “No, no! I really did run into a door, I swear!”

(I explain what happened that morning and we commiserate over my misfortune. Thankfully, this supervisor and I have been working together for a couple years and she knows I’m single, live alone, and am accident-prone, so the conversation didn’t get overly awkward. And I’m a little more careful with phrasing and explaining.)

Time Goes Slower The Closer You Get To Customers

, , , , , , | | Right | June 3, 2019

(I have a particularly nasty coworker. His MO is b****ing until he gets what he wants; it usually works. One day he is phoning customer service for something. It’s on speakerphone. He calls and complains, they won’t help him, and he demands to talk with a supervisor. They put him on hold. A little while later, someone comes on.)

Supervisor: “I’m the supervisor. How may I help you?”

Coworker: *yelling* “I’ve been on hold for over an hour waiting for you a**holes!”

Supervisor: *in a perfectly calm voice* “Funny, my call timer shows you called six minutes ago.”

Coworker: *defeated* “Well, it felt like hours…”

(Caught at his own game!)

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