A Weak Week Off

, , , , | Working | October 11, 2017

(I’m a paralegal working in the legal department of a company. Between company holidays, the weekend, and paid time off, I have six days off in a row. Before leaving on the last day before almost a week off, I give some important paperwork that needs to be notarized to my coworker, with instructions as to who will be in to sign it and where it needs to be signed. She and I are the only notaries in the company. I also have a habit of answering urgent messages on my days off, something that I’m constantly urged not to do by coworkers. The next morning, I get a phone call from our supervisor, who is a lawyer.)

Supervisor: “Hey, [My Name]. [Person who needs to sign the documents] is here and says that you have some forms for him to sign. Where are they?”

Me: “I gave them to [Coworker] before I left yesterday. She should have them and can notarize them.”

Supervisor: “I haven’t seen [Coworker] at all today. Do you know where she would have put them?”

Me: “I really have no idea. She assured me that she would be in today to take care of them, and I don’t know what she did with them.”

Supervisor: “Oh, okay. Well, [Person who needs to sign] is here right now and can’t stay for long. I’ll print off a new copy and just have him sign the document. You can notarize it next week when you get in the office.”

Me: “Uh, no. I can’t. It’s illegal for me to notarize something I didn’t see signed. I’ll be in the office next week, and while the document is important, it can definitely wait until then, because it’s not due for a few weeks.”

Supervisor: “Well, [Person who needs to sign] is here right now. Can you come in to notarize this?”

Me: *in my pajamas and watching movies with my son* “I really think this can wait until next week.”

Supervisor: “Yeah, but he’s here right now and we might as well just get it done. Can you come in to take care of it?”

Me: “Sure. Can you give me half an hour?”

Supervisor: “I can give you 20 minutes. He has to be somewhere soon.”

(I live about 15 minutes from the office.)

Me: “Um. Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

(I got dressed with record speed and somehow made it to the office right on time. After taking care of the paperwork, we found out that my coworker had come into the office bright and early that morning, super sick with the flu. One of the executives saw her, took one look at how sick she was, and told her to go home, promising to inform our supervisor what happened. He then waited to tell my supervisor until he overheard us worriedly discussing what could have happened to her, which was half an hour after I got to the office. They let me cancel my PTO for the day and count it as a day worked, especially once my supervisor found out that I had been casually answering emails before he called anyway.)

Is He Still Dead?

, , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

Me: “Hello, may I speak to [Client], please?”

Receptionist: “[Client] is dead.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Receptionist: “[Client] died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

(I end the call and go to my boss.)

Me: “[Boss], I can’t get [Client]. According to his office, he has passed away.”

Boss: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I asked twice.”

Boss: “Well, call them again to make sure.”

(I had to call again. It was awkward.)

That Explains The Vacancy

, , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(I see an ad inviting people to apply for a job in person, so I go.)

Clerk: “Hello… can I help you?”

Me: “Yes, can I have a job application?”

Clerk: *very blankly* “What?”

Me: “A job application?”

Clerk: *loooong pause* “Job application. Okay.”

(She hands me one, with a pen and instructions to fill it out. I thank her and go and sit down. I fill it out and approach the desk again.)

Me: “Hello?”

Clerk: *looks straight at me and leaves*

Me: “Um? Hello?”

(She ignored me, so I just put it down on the desk and left. Honestly, if they hired her, I won’t be too unhappy if they decide not to call me!)

Won’t Be Able To Make Up From This

, , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(I work at a “natural” personal care products manufacturer. There is no dress code, aside from just not showing up in your pajamas. I normally don’t wear make up, as it irritates my skin. I come into work wearing a little iridescent eyeliner and mascara that I purchased on a whim. My boss, a man in his 70s, comes in and sits down to go over something. I notice he stops responding and is just staring at me.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Boss: “What is that on your face?”

Me: “Uh… make up?”

Boss: “[My Name], you look like a fish! It’s awful!”

Me: *dumbstruck*

Boss: *turns to female coworker* “Doesn’t she look like a fish?!”

(My coworker, who wears more makeup than I do, turns.)

Coworker #1: “What? No. She’s looks beautiful.”

Boss: “Well, I think it looks awful.”

Coworker #2: “No, she looks fine.”

Me: *holding back tears of embarrassment* “I… I was just trying something new. I guess it didn’t work.”

Boss: “I should say so. We only like NATURAL women here.”

(I went to the bathroom to wash off my makeup. Later that month, [Coworker #1] dyed her hair from honey blonde to platinum, and [Boss] refused to look at or speak to her all day, even going so far as to hold up folders to block her from his vision as he mouthed, “Oh, my God!” to the rest of us.)

Customer Interaction Isn’t Meant To Be With Each Other

, , , , | Working | October 9, 2017

(I’m at the office and our Internet is not working. I’m calling our ISP. After waiting for almost half-an-hour, I finally reach their service desk. After I explain the problem, the following conversation takes place.)

Support: “Okay, again, sorry about the long wait. Let me transfer you to the technical department; a tech will take it from there.”

Me: “All right, thanks.”

(I’m back on hold, but only for a moment.)

Other Person: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, my name is [My Name]. We have no Internet at the office. The modem shows it has no DSL connection. The customer ID…”

Other Person: “Yes, it’s [other customer ID].”

Me: “Uhm… no… it’s [my customer ID].”

Other Person: “Huh? No, it’s not. I have it here on the invoice.”

Me: “What invoice?”

Other Person: “The invoice you sent me? Like the ones you send me every month?”

Me: “Wha… Wait… You’re a customer?”

Other Person: “Well, obviously? I called you about my Internet connection. You just repeated the issue back to me; now I’m expecting you to fix it.”

Me: “Hardly. I called because I’m having the same problem. And now they put me through to you. I guess he was really out of it.”

Other Person: “Oh, great. At least I have someone to talk to instead of that stupid recording that keeps telling me how important my call is to them. So, what do we do now?”

Me: “I guess we’ll have to call again.”

(And so we did. This time I didn’t wait as long, and they actually got it fixed within an hour or so. Hope they could also help the other guy.)

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