They Paid What They Deserved

, , , , , , | Working | March 13, 2019

(My team acquires five members. All of them are people in their late teens or early twenties who often go out drinking and clubbing together. As one of the more senior members of the team, I’m not so fussed about this and I prefer hanging with friends than going out on the town. Because of this, I don’t socialize with them outside of work and a couple of them seem to really dislike me for this. Two of them are guys who come across as rather arrogant and boorish along with being rather shifty. The younger team members seem to be following their lead on most things and it’s been causing issues. Often they show up to work hungover or occasionally still drunk from the night before. I casually warn them not to do this as management has zero tolerance against this kind of thing. Soon after, some of my colleagues tell me that these kids have begun to mock me behind my back and are making comments about boring they think I am. Not bothered with them, I shrug these off as they are a bunch of immature kids. One day, one of the two shifty guys asks me to come out to dinner with them after work. Immediately, I’m suspicious as they wouldn’t normally wouldn’t give me the time of day. However, he is insistent and claims they want to get to know me better. At dinner, it becomes pretty clear they don’t mean to pay me any attention, and whenever I try talking they just ignore more or talk over me. Fed up, I get up to go to the toilet, and the group doesn’t seem to notice. While I’m in one of the stalls in there I hear the two shifty guys plus one other come in, laughing loudly.)

Guy #1: “F*** me, did you see Captain Boring’s face? Mate, he just sits there with a stick up his a**!”

Guy #3: “Why the f*** did you invite that guy? He’s so bloody dull! Rice pudding is more exciting than him!”

(All three of burst out laughing. I just roll my eyes.)

Guy #2: “Well, someone has the pay the bill for us, don’t they?”

Guy #3: “You what?”

Guy #2: “In a while, we’re going to sneak off for a cig, then ditch him with the bill!”

Guy #3: “NO F****** WAY! MATE, THAT’S F****** COLD!”

(Again, they burst into fits of laughter and I can hear them high-fiving and commenting on how hilarious my face will look.)

Guy #1: “Well, that’ll teach the c*** for being such a f****** wet blanket, won’t it?!”

(I am incensed, but rather than rushing back to the table and confronting them, I decide to give them a dose of their own medicine and sneak out a back exit. Later, I get several angry texts, insisting that I owe people money and calling me derogatory names. On Monday, I get into work early and give my boss a heads up about this. Soon after, the two ringleaders come in, looking furious.)

Guy #1: “Oi! C***!” *shoves me* “You f****** owe us money, you mugging little s***!”

Guy #2: “Yeah, what the f***, mate?!”

(Immediately, our manager pulled us into a team meeting. Here, I told the team that I’d overheard their plan to ditch me with the bill and that I thought they were all pathetic morons for sinking so low. Initially, they tried to play it off as a “misunderstanding,” but my manager dismissed it, and after some back and forth the two ringleaders eventually confessed that they were going to do it. Apparently, it was to teach me “not to be so boring.” My manager then proceeded to angrily chew them out and told them they’d acted like immature morons and got what they deserved. I informed the group that I certainly wouldn’t be paying them back after that stunt. For the rest of the day, it was very awkward. However, a day or so later, the dream team was broken up and sent to different departments and were strongly advised that any revenge acts would be severely punished. A few weeks afterward, I saw the two shifty guys being escorted out in handcuffs by the police. They had been selling drugs to different staff members through the company’s instant messaging system. They are apparently facing prison time for their actions. A few of the other members of that gang did actually apologize to me, and they told me that they weren’t aware of the plot until after I left and they felt guilty about the way those two had mocked me. I accepted their apology, but I can’t feel too sorry for the two shifty guys.)


Their Request Is Not Valid

, , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(I overhear this interaction at the front desk. There is a parking lot across the street from our office building which is owned by the company we rent the building from, and most of the spots are reserved for our head office staff. There are signs all over the parking lot explaining that you cannot park there from six am to six pm. It is just past noon when a tourist walks in, and the following exchange occurs.)

Tourist: “I parked in that lot across the way, but it says reserved, so I tried to move my car, but there’s another car in the other spot.”

Office Manager: “Ma’am, that lot is for our staff to park.”

Tourist: “But I wanted to park there, and the sign said, ‘Reserved,’ but it didn’t say that on the other side.”

Office Manager: “I’m sorry; you said the other side?”

Tourist: “Yes, you have to write down your spot number when you pay, and I was in number five. Then I saw the reserved sign and I tried to park in the spot on the other side that also was number five, but there’s a car parked there.”

Office Manager: “Because our staff pay extra to be able to park there. You have to move your car.”

Tourist: “But I already paid!”

Office Manager: “Can you move it to another spot that isn’t reserved?”

Tourist: “But I have to write down my number, and I already wrote five!”

Office Manager: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what to tell you. Most of those spots are reserved for our staff. You can’t park there.”

Tourist: *turning nasty* “I KNOW. But I ALREADY PAID. Can you just give me a refund?”

(We’re not the ones who own the lot; we just rent the spaces. We are also an executive office, not a store. We don’t have a cash register or any means to accept or exchange tender.)

Office Manager: “Ma’am, unfortunately, we don’t have the ability to offer refunds as we don’t own the lot. I can call the owners for you.”

Tourist: “But it’s YOUR LOT!”

(They go around in circles like this for a few minutes. Finally, the office manager calls the group that owns the lot — a church, by the way — and they say exactly what she’s been telling the tourist: it’s not our responsibility that she didn’t read the signs. Just to get her to leave, the office manager offers to validate her parking, which we’re only supposed to do for staff and clients, and the tourist leaves.)

Coworker: “The sign says no parking from six am to six pm. Am I stupid, or is it twelve o’ clock?”

(A few minutes later some more tourists come and start pulling on the doors. The office manager presses the button to let them in, but they just keep staring at her through the glass, so she gets up and goes to the door to talk to them. People often assume that we are the visitors’ center, but we are just the business office. There is actually a notice etched in our doors stating this, along with directions to the center itself, which is just around the corner, but I’ve long since stopped expecting visitors to actually read.)

Office Manager: “Are y’all looking for the visitors’ center?”

(The tourists say something indistinguishable and I hear the office manager abruptly close the door and return to her desk.)

Office Manager: “I cannot deal with people today. I just can’t.”

Unfiltered Story #143631

, , | Unfiltered | March 12, 2019

Right, so I’ve written about the joys of having an uncommon name before, and I’ll no doubt do so again, but this particular experience this morning left me feeling especially…. strange, for lack of a better word.
* phone rings *
” Good morning, ******* Irrigation, Jethro speaking”
” Sorry, who am I speaking to? ”
” Jethro, in the irrigation department….”
” Heathrow”
” Aah, no, sorry, that’s Jethro. With a J….”
” Yes”
( From the ‘yes’ above, I’m picking this person’s finally got it…)
” No worries, what can I do for you today? ”
” Heathrow, it’s ****** at ****** here, I had a pump set up by you guys a year or two back, and I’m having trouble….”
( At this point I’m thinking what the hell, just go with it, I’m neither a London suburb, a hedge bordering a wasteland, or the worlds busiest airport, but hey, there are worse names out there..)
After what boiled down to: ” Have you tried turning it off then on again? Ok, hold down the reset button, count to ten, then you should be ok”, The troublesome pump is running beautifully, and all is well.. Just think of me as your I.T. desk for all things water – related.
* I mean no disrespect to my caller here, the system they were dealing with can be a right ‘mare for tripping out after power surges, and the fix, although simple, isn’t always obvious.*
” Ok, so as long as you’re happy with how things are running now, we’ll leave it there, but if the problem shows up again, let me know, if need be I’ll come round and take a look “.
” Absolutely, thank you so much! ”
” No problem, that’s what we’re here for ”
” Thanks again, Heathrow ”
* click *
Yep, that’s ‘Heathrow’…… with a J…….

Complaints Come Knocking At Your Door

, , | Right | March 11, 2019

(I am updating our electronic complaints system as we received a complaint earlier in the day before I got in. I read it to myself and ask the manager on duty about it. He tells me the secure vehicle usually used to take our revenue from store to bank had an accident and was rescheduled to six am the next morning to meet the submission deadline. Said manager opened the door for the courier and kept it open until he came back. A woman walking by noticed the open door and assumed we were open.)

Manager: *blocking the door* “I’m sorry, madam, but we are closed until eight am.”

Woman: “But you have the door open.”

Manager: “I am keeping it open until a colleague leaves.”

Woman: “But the door is OPEN!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we’re aren’t open until eight am.”


Manager: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t open until eight am. If you could please step aside, as I hear my colleague coming.”

Woman: “BUT THE DOOR—“ *stops, smiles, and steps aside for the courier* “—IS OPEN!”

Manager: *taking his chance to close the door* “Thank you for being so considerate to my colleague.”

(He locks the door and leaves. Every time he walks by he sees the same woman glaring in. It seems she stands there until opening time, at which time she storms up to the front desk, and demands to make a complaint. She is given the form by the manager, fills it in, and sprints out of the store.)

Me: “Did you read it?”

Manager: “No. I just stuck it in the basket.”

(I hand him the form.)

Manager: *looking up at me* “A complaint that she was two hours late for work because she couldn’t complain when she wanted to complain?”

(I submit the complaint with the manager’s account, and get a response back from our HR team almost immediately.)

HR: “Why did she wait? Couldn’t she have just come back later?”

(They requested we send the form over. Apparently, they framed it and hung it in their meeting room with the award for Most Ridiculous Complaint.)

Telling Fishy Stories

, , , , , | Working | March 11, 2019

(It is a slow day, and my coworkers and I are clustered around my desk, talking. Slowly, the topic drifts around to workplace pranks. One of my coworkers has the following story:)

Coworker: “At my last job, we all kept playing pranks on each other. One day, I got the idea to put anchovies in people’s drinks. This one guy got like, three-quarters of the way through his drink before he saw the anchovies at the bottom. Then he puked, so he got sent home. I got that guy a whole day off of work. Somehow, he didn’t want to thank me.”

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