That’s One Dangerous Party Trick

, , , , | Working | March 18, 2018

(We are invited to a family party by my in-laws. As usual, they only remember to call on the day of the party. I work most weekend nights and am not able to attend as I have to give more than two weeks notice. I mention to a coworker that I am missing out on a party and that I wish it could have been held the next weekend when I have the Saturday night off.)

Coworker #1: “You should do what I do; you should have just called in sick and gone to the party.”

(I go to work the following Sunday. I notice that I am working with a different staff member.)

Me: “Oh, is [Coworker] sick?”

Coworker #2: “You didn’t hear what happened?”

Me: “No, is she all right?”

Coworker #2: “She got fired last night. The idiot called in sick so she could attend her boyfriend’s staff Christmas party.”

Me: “Um… Doesn’t her boyfriend work here as security?”

Coworker #2: *nods yes* “And the party was held here, and our management was invited, too.”

This Encounter Will Always Be In YOUR Permanent Record

, , , , , , | Learning | March 18, 2018

(I work at a middle school office, and parents need to bring in a doctor’s note if their student missed school because of an appointment. One day, a mother walks in with a note.)

Mother: “I’d like to clear my child’s absence. He had a dentist’s appointment.” *makes no move to hand me a note*

Me: “Sure thing! However, to verify your child was at the dentist, we need a—”

Mother: *interrupting* “That’s fine! I know the date! It was January 8th, 2015!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but… Wait. Did you just say, ‘2015’?”

Mother: “YES! What, are you deaf or something?”

Me: “That was four years ago. There’s only three grades in middle school. Your kid doesn’t even attend this school anymore, ma’am.”


Me: “Ma’am, even if your child still attended this school, I could not excuse it, because it’s long after the gradebook closed for the year. You don’t need to worry about his permanent record; that’s only for—”

Mother: “AGH! FORGET IT! YOU’RE JUST BEING UNREASONABLE!” *storms out of the office*

Hashtag Me Moo?

, , , , , | Working | March 16, 2018

(I read a story about Japan on this site and I remember a story a coworker once told me.)

Coworker: “I was in Japan for a business trip and we went to a cafe of some sort. It was quite noisy, and I thought one of the Japanese businessmen asked me what I thought about Japanese cows. I thought it was weird, but since I was just served steak, I just went with it. I told them I thought their cows were nice and firm, having good meat on them. As a response, the businessmen started laughing. It turns out they asked what I thought about Japanese girls.”

O Dear

, , , , , | Working | March 16, 2018

(I need to make a revision to a work document. Revisions are assigned the original document number and a sequential letter of the alphabet. The most recent revision was N, so I am on letter O.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager #1], are we using Oscar, or skipping it to avoid confusion?”

Manager #1: *looks at me like I’ve grown a second head* “What? Why would we not use Oscar?”

Me: “On some projects we skip letters O and I because they can be misread as zero and one.”

Manager #1: “That’s stupid. Why would we ever do that? I’ve never heard of that!”

Me: “Okay, just checking. Revision Oscar it is.”

(Two hours later, my other, more immediate manager is reading a note I’ve written referencing the document, and:)

Manager #2: “Revision Zero?”

Me: *sigh* “Revision O.”

Communing With The Dead

, , | Working | March 16, 2018

(My coworker is trying to help a customer get a loan payoff for his late father’s car so he can sell it as executor, for which he has all the proper documentation. All I can hear is my coworker’s side of the conversation.)

Coworker: “Yes, I’m trying to get a payoff for a mutual customer who recently passed away… No, unfortunately, I can’t put him on the phone. I have his son here as executor, who can authorize anything you need and provide any documentation you require… Again, unfortunately, that’s not possible.”

Customer: “What’s wrong?”

Coworker: “They want to speak with your father.”

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