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Or The Third Option: Music!

, , , , , | Working | June 22, 2022

This conversation takes place over instant messaging at work.

Me: “Can I take April fifteenth as a vacation day?”

Boss: “No problem. Trouble with taxes?”

Me: “No, actually, it’s death.”

Boss: “?!”

Me: “The fifteenth is Good Friday, and my choir has several services to cover.”

Boss: “Ah, the other certainty of life. Break a leg.”

Hopefully, They’ll Turn A Blind Eye

, , , , , | Legal | June 22, 2022

Our office has a small front porch area, screened in with a metal screen, bars, and a locking gate so we can securely store stuff there. I put my bike there during the work day, since there’s always someone at the front desk who can see it, but other than that, all that’s out there is empty water cooler bottles and a couple of random items.

One Sunday night, the porch was broken into by someone who cut a hole in the metal screen and reached in to unlock the door. Fortunately, there was nothing of value, so the thief just took some random things like a hand truck and a cooler that were out there. The office manager called the police as soon as she saw, and the police came and took some evidence.

Later, the office manager was telling my boss and me about it.

Office Manager: “We found a contact lens in its packaging out there, so the officer took that as evidence. None of you are missing a contact, are you?”

Boss: “Probably not… What type of contact?”

Office Manager: “It was a daily wear one, and the prescription was like -7.50; it was like a blind lady’s contact!”

Boss: “So, we’re looking for a blind thief!”

Me: “Wait… -7.50 is my prescription.”

Office Manager: “Do you wear daily contacts?”

Me: “Yes, when I’m not wearing my glasses… Hang on…”

I look in my purse, and I am indeed missing one of the spare contacts that I carry in case one falls out.

Me: “Crap.”

Office Manager: “Was that your contact?”

Me: “Yes! It must have fallen out of my bag when I was parking my bike out there! Now the police have it, with my fingerprints on it!”

Boss: “You’re the blind lady thief!”

Fortunately for me, the police in our city are famously lazy and they don’t investigate anything short of murder, so I’m not worried they’ll trace the contact lens back to me and arrest me.

I Don’t Agree With Taxes, But I Still Gotta Pay ‘Em

, , , | Right | June 22, 2022

I received payment five months late, minus the late fees, and with a note attached.

Client: “I appreciate your work and I apologize for the lateness; however, we did not agree to be charged these late fees, so we will not be paying them.”

I responded:

Me: “I appreciate the payment for the original invoice. However, we did agree that you would pay me five months ago. As a result, I’ve attached an invoice with the late fees.”

Achieving Your Goals… Eventually… Sort Of…

, , , , , , | Working | June 21, 2022

When I first graduated from college, I had no luck finding an entry-level job in my field. I decided to lower my expectations and applied to a telemarketing company. But they wouldn’t hire me, either, because the only experience I had was a work-study job during college. They recommended getting a job with a temp agency to get more work experience, so I signed up with a temp agency.

I started out by telling the temp agency that I was really good with computers and had a degree in engineering. And then they sent me to be a temporary receptionist with instructions to answer the phones and not touch the computer. I had a few more short-term receptionist assignments, including filling in for someone who left in the middle of the day without clearing their desk of the food they were eating when they got sick. Another memorable assignment was handing out food samples at a large grocery store.

After working for the temp agency for a while, I applied to the telemarketing company again. This time, they wouldn’t hire me because I was “over-qualified” and they were afraid I wouldn’t stay, so I went back to the temp agency for more assignments.

Finally, the temp agency sent me to work at the telemarketing company. Then, I got hired directly when the temporary position became permanent, and I stayed at the telemarketing company for five years.

Take Your Watermark And Lo-Go Away

, , , | Working | June 20, 2022

My business is in need of a logo, so I reach out to an artist online to make a design for us. We come to an agreement, and they get to work. As is typical for art commissions like this, they provide us with an example image of the final product that has a large watermark across the image, ensuring that we can see what the final product looks like while also preventing us from stealing the image.

Everything looks good, so we send the final payment, and they send us the finished image. Except, rather than removing the watermark like the contract we signed with them specified, they have instead changed the text of the watermark to their signature.

We reach out to them.

Me: “Hi. So, the image looks good, but I think when you went to remove the watermark, you just changed the text, instead. Could you send us the final image without the watermark?”

Artist: “I sign all my work.”

Me: “Okay. That is not what was agreed upon in the contract we signed. We need the logo to look like the specifications, without additions like this watermark.”

Artist: “I sign all my work.”

That is the only response they give to any follow-ups before they just stop responding when we try to get a refund. In the end, we contact another artist, explain the situation, and provide the “signed” image to them as part of their specs, and they are able to recreate the basic image without the watermark. We pay them and use that logo.

Nine months after this whole debacle, we get an email from the original artist.

Artist: “You have been using my creative property without permission. This is an official cease-and-desist notice. Legal action will be taken if you do not properly cite my works.”

We considered engaging, but in the end, we decided to just ignore it. It has been five years since then, we are still using the logo, and we haven’t heard a peep of any “legal action” from us not using the “signed” logo.