Haven’t You Heard Of Tinder?

, , , | Romantic | February 26, 2021

I’m at work when my company cell phone rings; it’s an unfamiliar number. I pick up and a man is on the line. He apparently does not hear the voice he expected.

Caller: “Hi… I’m looking for [Stranger]?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name. You’re speaking to [My Name].”

Caller: “No, that’s not right. This number belongs to [Stranger].”

Me: “Well, this is my work number, which I only received very recently, and numbers do get reused for new users, so I guess this number might have belonged to someone else before me. Sorry, I don’t know how to help you further.”

The caller pauses for a moment.

Caller: “Are you single?”

Me: *Confused* “Um, excuse me?”

Caller: “You sound attractive.”

Me: “Um, that’s a strange way to meet people. I’m not on the market, though.”

Caller: “I thought it might be a sign from God. You know, it’s so funny, me meeting you through this call; it must have been destiny.”

Me: “Yeah, how about no?”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Bye, then.”

I’m still wondering if this method of picking up dates ever works on anyone.

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Get This Guy A Map

, , , , | Working | February 25, 2021

In my company, there’s very little overlap between what the different departments can do. Order Admin can’t process anything for Accounting, Accounting can’t run RMAs, the Returns department can’t work on customer account info, etc. For the most part, this isn’t an issue, as we’re a fairly small company for the amount of business we do and communication is wide open.

Except for [Sales Guy].

[Sales Guy] seems to think that the Order Admin team does… everything. We get notice of customers sending payments, he forwards it to OA. Customer says a product is dead and needs to be replaced, OA. Vendor sends an email saying there’s a factory delay and we won’t get product until next week, OA. No number of reply emails about who to actually send these notices and requests to seems to permeate his skull, nor do statements that HE is the contact with his clients, so if something needs to be said to them then HE needs to tell the customer, not us.

The final straw comes this morning when he comes storming over to us in his usual “bull in a China shop” mode, letting out an exaggerated sigh while waving a piece of paper in the air.

Sales Guy: “Who’s doing this one?”

Me: “I don’t know which one ‘this one’ is. Let me actually see the paper?”

Sales Guy: *Hands me the printout* “They already said they want this on their account, not on their credit card.”

Me: *Already doing searches* “I don’t see anything in the order or any emails to us saying that.”

Sales Guy: “I already forwarded it over to Accounting!”

Me: *Pauses* “Wait a minute, you’ve spent the last two months sending us everything but requests to change something in an order, and then the one time you have an actual order change, you send it to someone else?!”

[Sales Guy], of course, got instantly indignant and started a big argument in the middle of the office, and both our manager and his had to get involved. The line “Do you really want to end up having me check every email before you send it?” may have been said by his manager.

In the end, peace was restored, and he hasn’t again started sending emails to all the wrong departments.


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Want To Slap Him Right In His Stubborn Mug

, , , , | Working | February 24, 2021

My coworker likes to have his opinion heard, which is fine. I will often nod along even if I don’t agree or have no idea what he is on about. Sometimes his opinion is so based on ignorance or stupidity or just fundamentally flawed that I don’t bite my tongue and instead try to show him reason.

A new branch of a global warehouse membership company has opened near our work. [Coworker], of course, has his opinion on it and why the membership is a scam and how it should all be free. After several minutes of the one-sided conversation, he changes tack.

Coworker: “Anyone who pays for membership is a mug.”

Me: “You think so?”

Coworker: “Paying to save money? Mugs, all of them.”

Me: “I paid and have saved more than the membership fee. And that’s on filling up my car alone.”

Coworker: “Well, you don’t save it, really, do you?! It’s just a ploy. A mug’s game.”

Me: “A full tank is around £4 cheaper and I fill up once per week. I have had my membership since it opened, which is about ten weeks. That is more than I spent on the membership fee.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but—”

Me: *Interrupting* “I acknowledge that saving on food isn’t that much, but I probably save another £5 a month on cleaning supplies which would pay for the annual membership in seven months.”

Coworker: “You’ve just been taken in by their advertising.”

Me: *Sighing* “Whatever you say, [Coworker].”

There really is no point in trying to make him see reason; he is just so much smarter than everyone and has to be right. I renewed my membership last month and continue to use the store regularly. [Coworker] never even went inside to check.

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J Is For “Jerk”

, , , , , | Working | February 24, 2021

I am clearly the bad guy in this story. My coworker struggles with the phonetic alphabet — A for “alpha,” etc. — and with her accent, it makes telephone communication difficult. So, she made and laminated a little helper sheet with all of the alphabet on it.

One boring afternoon, I photocopied the sheet and changed some of the words around — nothing too bad or offensive. Some are really subtle and others are just obvious — T for “tea” and G for “gnome.”

I kind of forget about it and eventually leave the company. Months later, I happen to speak to a guy I used to work with.

Guy: “Yeah, it’s not great. A load of people left and it’s not the same.”

Me: “Oh, really? I hadn’t heard. Like who?”

He rattles off a long list, including my coworker.

Me: “She left? Oh, I will have to reach out to her.”

Guy: “Yeah, do that. She is doing really well, but her replacement is really odd.”

Me: “Oh?”

Guy: “Just a real oddball all round — like when she spells things out, she uses weird words, P for ‘put-put.’ Who does that?”

It is then I remember that was an exact word I used on the copy.

Me: “Maybe she needs a guide to phonetics; you could print one off for her.”

Guy: “Good idea. I’ll do that.”

I never admitted the prank that lived on two generations, but I hope it got sorted in the end.

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Show Us That You Want It

, , , , | Working | February 23, 2021

One of the guys who works for me just about gets by. He does nothing really wrong, and he does his job, but he does nothing more. He’s one of these guys who is first in the queue to clock out every single day, even if there is a mess he is leaving behind.

And that’s fine, but I have made sure to explain that pay rises and promotions go to the people who show that they work above and beyond. He just isn’t interested, and year after year, he gets passed by for pay rises and promotions. 

One day, he pulls me aside.

Worker: “I’ve found another job and I’m thinking about taking it.”

Me: “Oh, really?! I’m sorry to hear that. Can I ask what it is?”

Worker: “Sure.”

He hands me a printed job description.

Me: “Okay, so this is shift work; that’s why the pay is so much better. You’re happy with this? I just remember talking to you about this before and you refused.”

Worker: “Oh, is it? Yeah, I guess so, then. Unless you can match the pay?”

Me: “I’m going to be honest with you: I can’t give you a supervisor’s pay grade unless you start to take on additional work.”

Worker: “Oh, okay, I’ll think about it.”

He thinks about it and ends up taking a completely different job a few months down the line. The woman who was already covering his holidays manages to do his job and part of her old one, too. After a six-month probation, she gets the easiest pay rise I have ever had to fight for. And I am training her to replace me someday.

It goes to show that effort can pay off. Don’t expect managers to throw money at you unless you are going to do a little bit extra.

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