Too Tight For An Extra Night

| Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Time

(I run a dog-walking and pet care business and as part of this, offer a live-in pet sit service where I stay in customer’s houses whilst they’re away. One of my regular dog walking customers is texting me asking about the live-in service.)

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. Are you available to pet sit from the 7th-11th November and how much would that be, please?”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m fine to do those dates for you. Pet sits are £30 per day or part of, so it’ll be £150 in total for the five days. The price includes one walk a day but if you’d like any extra walks I’m happy to do these and they’re charged at the normal daily rate.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine, thanks. Can you arrive about 9 am on the Monday and leave at 5 pm on the Saturday, please? I’ll transfer the £150 to you tonight.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. Could you just confirm the dates for me, as in your first text you asked me to do the 7th-11th but in your last text you asked me to stay until the Saturday which is the 12th. I’m fine to stay until the 12th if you need me to but it’ll count as another day so the cost will be £180 in total.”

Customer: “No, we want you to do the Monday to Friday, including the Friday night. So the 7th-11th, which you said was £150.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. If you want me to stay the Friday night as well, then this counts as me staying on the Saturday, which is an extra day, so it will be £180. Pet-sits are charged per day or part of so this would be six days in total.”

Customer: “I just want you to stay until the Friday but do Friday night as well. How is that an extra day?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer]. I’m not sure how much clearer I can make it. If a customer asks me to stay until a certain day then that is the day I would expect to leave the pet sit so if you ask me to do until Friday then that is the day I’d be leaving. If you want me to do Friday night as well then you’re asking me to stay Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at your house, which is six days in total. Six days at £30 a day comes to a total of £180.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why that counts as six days. And he’d only get one walk? He normally gets walked three times a day so it seems very unfair on him!”

Me: “As I said in my earlier text I’m more than happy to do extra walks for you but these would be charged at the normal daily rates which would depend on how long a walk you’d like.”

Customer: “That just seems extortionate. I guess he’ll just have to make do with one walk a day that week I guess. I might find out how much [Company #1] or [Company #2] charges for live in jobs then, as I still don’t understand why you’re charging me for six days when I only want you to stay until the Friday.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m sorry if my prices seem unfair but that’s how much it’ll be. I know that [Company #1] charges £35 per day or part of so would be £210 for the six days. [Company #2] charges per night rather than per day but they charge £40 per night so it would be £200 for the five nights. Both companies also only include one walk per day in their prices. If you prefer to have more walks, then [Company #3] offers an unlimited pet sit service where they won’t leave your dog alone at all for the duration of the pet sit and will walk your dog as much as you like. However, they charge £100 per day so they would charge £600 for the six days. It’s your choice, though, so let me know if you’d like me to book you in or not.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous. Don’t worry about the pet sit, then; we’ll cancel the holiday. Just do the normal walks for [Dog] that week, please.”

(I later found out that they had to pay cancellation fees as they’d already booked the flights and hotel for that week before contacting me. They also still paid me to go in and walk their dog every day the week they should have been away which cost them £50 as normal. All this to avoid paying an extra £30 for one more night’s pet sit!)

The Card With The Lifetime Guarantee

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers

(A customer has called in to update their credit card.)

Me: “All right, and the expiration on the card?”

Customer: “2022. Wow! That’s a long ways off! I’m turning 84 this week, and I think I’ll expire before this card!”

Should Have Been More Emily Blunt

| FL, USA | Bizarre, Funny Names

(I work in an area with a lot of retired folks, many of which have age-related hearing loss. This is usually more amusing than annoying, especially when it comes to giving my name.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. This is Emily. How may I help you?”

Customers: “Did you say Beverly/Stephanie/Ginger/Jessica/Elaine?”

Me: “Yes.”

The Standards Of Falling Are Really Falling

| UK | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I’ve been put through to a woman who would like to make a complaint about a department store of ours in the north of England.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I understand you would like to make a complaint?”

Customer: “I was assaulted in your shop. How much money are you going to give me?”

Me: “My goodness. I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Are you all right?”

Customer: “No. Just tell me how much money you’re going to give me.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t deal with compensation; I can only log the complaint and begin the investigation.”

Customer: “You can’t help me! Put me through to someone who can get me my money.”

Me: “I’m as high as you can go in respect of what you want. Once I log the complaint however, and it has been investigated, we will contact you to begin the next step.”

Customer: *sighs* “Okay.”

Me: “Thank you. Could you please tell me which branch of [Store] the incident occurred?”

Customer: “Why do you need to know that?”

Me: “We need to know where it happened so we can investigate. Statements and CCTV footage of the day the incident occurred will be sent and checked.”

Customer: “Oh, umm…” *mumbles*

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Customer: “…[Branch].”

Me: “Thank you.”

(I take the rest of the details and log the complaint. In general it’s a slipping on a wet floor where no signage was displayed, and, more seriously, the behaviour of the staff which injured her left eye. A week or so later I bump into one of our investigation team.)

Investigator: “Hey, [My Name], did you log the case for [Customer]?”

Me: “At [Branch]?”

Investigator: “We had the footage come in yesterday. You’ve got to see it.”

(He takes me into his office and shows me the footage. It shows a woman, presumably the customer, walking past a wet floor sign. She notices it, looks around, and produces a collapsible walking stick from her bag. She lays down on the wet floor, pushes the sign under a stand with said walking stick, and starts shouting. A worker comes and tries to help her up, and in the process the woman pokes herself in the eye with the handle of her walking stick. She’s eventually taken to the storefront and an ambulance is called, but she flees the store before it even arrives.)

Me: “…”

Investigator: “Ridiculous, don’t you think?”

Me: “She was hesitant in giving me the details.”

Investigator: “Well, here’s why. The store manager said she tried it a few years ago, but the cleaner hadn’t even started mopping yet. She just got back up and started shopping.”

(I haven’t heard much of the case since then, but I imagine a counter-case for fraud is being built against her.)

Echo Tango Phonetic Home

| UK | Funny Names, Language & Words

(I work for an online jewellery company. We offer a customer design service. A customer calls up asking to speak to one of our custom design specialists.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [My Name] from [Jewellery Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I am interested in your custom design service. Is there anyone I can speak to?”

Me: “Sure, I can give the name and number of one our specialists so they can discuss some ideas with you.”

Customer: “Okay, what’s their name?”

Me: “Pritesh, as in P for Papa, R for Romeo, I for Indigo, T for Tango, E for Echo, S for Sierra and H for Hotel.”

Customer: “Wow that’s a long name!”

(I’m slightly confused by this as Pritesh doesn’t seem that long.)

Me: “What do you mean, sir?”

Customer: “Well, that’s a lot of middle names to have: Pritesh Papa, Romeo, Indigo—”

Me: “No, sir! I was using phonetic to help spell his name. It’s P-R-I-T-E-S-H.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you say that!?” *hangs up*

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