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Next Time, Your Phone Will Be “Missing The Sound”, Right?

, , , , , , , | Right | February 13, 2024

I was at the airport, ready to leave for vacation, when I got a panicked phone call from a client. I had recently sent her a video that was part of a large marketing campaign.

Client: “The video you sent me is missing the sound! You had better get over here and fix it right now!”

After a lot of shouting and threats on her part, I agreed to go to her office to try and fix it. 

After being escorted into her office, I played the video and double-checked her computer’s sound options.

Then, I unplugged her headphones.

And then, I billed her for my missed flight.

He Has His Sight Set On Some Weird Priorities

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2024

One of my wife’s best work friends had a medical problem from birth or early childhood that made her blind in one eye. Further, it was visually noticeable, so it was also disfiguring. She was put on the waiting list for an eye transplant and waited many months — years in fact. Then, she got a fairly large amount of advance notice that a suitable transplant would soon be forthcoming and to be ready for the procedure.

When she told her boss the operation would be coming up shortly, his response was:

Boss: “We’re actually fairly busy next week. Could you reschedule for later in the year? What if I need the [project] report? I can’t let you have next week off.”

For a CORNEA TRANSPLANT!

She actually had to risk her job by skipping work for about two weeks, knowing that if she declined the operation, she’d likely never get to the top of the recipient list again.

Back at work, the “bigger boss” was thankfully aghast at the boss’s response, so she kept her job, but shortly thereafter, he didn’t!

Scan Back Through The Process For A Second

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2024

Client: “Can you scan this printout for me and make it a PDF so I can email it to someone?”

Me: “Sure, but since I’m scanning a printout, it’s not going to look that great.”

Client: “I have the original file that was emailed to me if you think that will work better.”

Me: “Is it a PDF?”

Client: “Yeah.”

Silence.

Client: “Oh.”

And This Person Is Determining Your Pay Rate?

, , , , , | Right | February 10, 2024

Client: “The executives have us on a very tight budget, so don’t expect your going rate. As you can see, everyone has these cheap knockoff ‘dɥ’ brand laptops.”

The client points to the logo on a laptop cover.

Client: “Have you ever even heard of ‘dɥ’ brand?

Me: “Actually, I think that’s an upside-down Hewlett-Packard logo…”

We’ll Bet They Just Drop In On Relatives, Too

, , , , , , , , | Working | February 9, 2024

At one company I worked for, there was a secure site I had to visit from time to time. It was a pain to visit because, before I even arrived, I first had to get written permission from an authorised person on-site, give a date and time when I’d arrive, and potentially be subject to body searches. The person I’d meet would have to come round and escort me. And there were various other restrictions. However, these were the rules for all outsiders with no exceptions, and the company was strict about requiring all staff to ensure that any potential visitors were aware of the rules.

On one visit, I arrived at the gatehouse with all my documentation, etc., in readiness to be escorted through. Ahead of me were two other visitors who were arguing with a security person.

Visitors: “We just want to do [certain physical work]!”

Security: “You need to have an invitation. You can’t come in without authorisation.”

Visitors: “But we’ll be done in twenty minutes, tops!”

Security: *Getting exasperated* “No, you have to get authorisation first. You cannot just turn up!”

That was just a summary of the back-and-forth discussion I overheard.

After a while, some phone calls were made, and someone was willing to give the visitors an authorisation there and then. The person escorting them said pointedly:

Escort: “We can’t do an emergency authorisation every time; you have to get authorisation before you come.”

Some weeks later, I heard that the two visitors had turned up a second time. Once again, they didn’t arrange an appointment and insisted on arguing with gatehouse security. Again, someone gave them emergency authorisation.

However, after they left, the company decided to simply cancel the whole contract. The two visitors had been doing some basic groundwork in advance of the installation of something expensive. The whole contract would have been a major piece of work for the contractor.

It seems senior management, on the basis of the haphazard behaviour of the two visitors doing initial work costing perhaps a few hundred quid, felt it was too much of a risk. The contractor had effectively thrown away a contract worth many millions because they wouldn’t supervise a couple of people doing a couple of quick and simple jobs.