Me: “Can someone help me find [Product], please?”

Cashier: “[Name] will help you.”

([Name] walks ahead of me to correct aisle. He’s a bit pudgy, and his belt is barely above the curve of his buttocks. In addition, he has a walkie-talkie dangling from one back pocket and a scan gun hanging from the other. I get what I need and return to the cash register.)

Me: *laughing* “It took a lot of self-control not to tell [Name] to pull up his pants! All my teacher instincts were on alert.”

Cashier: *without batting an eye, picks up microphone and announces* “[Name], pull up your pants. I’ve got a teacher here who says you need to!”

Customer: “So, you have to buy ink within 90 days to get credit for recycled cartridges? That’s not fair.”

Me: “Yes. It didn’t used to be like that, but some people were buying cheap cartridges online and expired ones and recycling those to try and cheat the system, and the company was losing a lot of money, so they had to add that rule. Some people ruined it for everybody, haha.”

Customer: “Oh, I did that! Ha, I’d buy generic ones off… ”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “You were buying cheap cartridges online and expired ones and recycling those to try and cheat the system, so they had to add that rule. You helped ruin it for everybody.”

Customer: “Oh. Huh…”

(This exchange is short, but occurred years ago while working at the front register of a local office supply retailer in the area. The way this building is set up is that you pass through two sets of doors, connected by a small hallway with glass panels so that we can see people entering/departing. I finish ringing up a young woman and her son, who has remained very quiet throughout the entire purchasing exchange. Then this happens.)

Me: “Thank you for your business. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “Thanks. Let’s go, [Son].”

(The two make their way out; I happen to glance at them as they are walking away and notice the boy keeping his hands tucked behind his back. He is holding a small computer game disc out of view. At first I didn’t see it as theft; I couldn’t remember if I had rang it up. Regardless, I stepped over and before they got halfway through:)

Me: “Sorry, miss, did you want me to bag his game as well?”

Customer: “Wha-? Game?”

(She then turns and sees what her son is holding, becoming pale and suddenly frantic. She snatches up the game and the boy’s hand, charging back into the store telling me how sorry she is and that she is making him take it back right away. I just stand there sort of in awe.)

Her: “Wait until your father gets home!”

Son: *says nothing, hanging his head, walking sulkily out the door behind his mother*

Me: “Ah, well, then…” *under my breath* “…good luck, kid.”

(Every week, we have coupons such as 25% off or a certain dollar price off of a product. You have to choose only one coupon as it states in the small text, but one customer always comes in and refuses to accept it. We have a deal on Sharpies reduced to $2.00. You either get $1.50 off or 25%. She brings all the sharpies we have stocked.)

Me: “Will that be all for you?”

Customer: “Yes.” *hands me about 20 coupons for $1.50 off and 25% off*

Me: “Ma’am, you must choose one coupon to use and only one coupon per transaction.”

Customer: “The coupon doesn’t say that.”

Me: “Yes. If you read here it says only one coupon per person per transaction and it’s not valid with any other offer. You can only get $1.50 off one or you can take 25% off your entire purchase.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll only take one, then!”

(We have to take all the sharpies back. She comes in the next week with a price match of Crayola markers for $0.97 and a $1.00 off coupon. She again, has every box we have in stock.)

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot give you $1.00 off an item that is $0.97. I can ring them all up for $0.97 or I can take $1.00 of one of the boxes.”

Customer: “Why? Let me see your manager.”

(My manager comes and explains the coupon to her and tells her it states in the small print, one coupon per person per transaction.)

Customer: “Can’t I just do separate transactions?”

Manager: “No.”

Customer: “I’ll take one, then!”

(After she left I asked my manager if we could just ban her.)

(I have sent an email to a sales rep asking for more information before I can set up a user to the website. The first message asks for the following: First Name, Last Name, Email, and if the customer should be invoiced. The following is a two-day email thread that continues after the initial message.)

Sales Rep: “Is it done yet?”

Me: “No. You still need to fill in the information I have requested. I can’t create a login until I have the info.”

Sales Rep: “My customer wants to place an order. Are you done?”

Me: “I need the customer’s First Name, Last Name, Email Address, and if the customer wants to be invoiced.”

Sales Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay… Yes, what? That did not answer any of the questions. Let me call you and ask for the info.”

(I call and leave voicemails on the rep’s office line and personal cell phone. She never calls me back, so this continues to the next email.)

Me: “You did not answer your phone, so I am emailing again. I need the customer’s First Name, Last Name, Email Address, and if we need to invoice the customer.”

Sales Rep: “Yes. Do that.”

Me: *sadly realizing that I have to spell it out* “What is the customer’s first name?”

Sales Rep: “Jeremy.”

Me: “Okay. What is his last name?”

Sales Rep: “[Last Name].”

Me: “Great. Now, what is his email address?”

Sales Rep: “It is [Email Address].”

Me: “All right! One more question. Does the customer want to be invoiced?”

Sales Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “I can set up the account now. Here is the login information…”

Sales Rep: “About time! Why did you take so long?”